We have been in the process of getting afternoon care for my mom. I've had to have temporary help the first Thursdays this month as well as today. But the temp caregiver is allergic to cats. I do not want all our cats to be stuck in the bedroom all day, so I have asked her to put a quarter cup food in their bowls and shut the door before she leaves... something that will literally take two minutes max. I told her this we would be the last day the caretaker would be here this month,, and requested that she remove the blankets, lightly vacuum the couch with the cordless vacuum, and lightly spray it with a dander eliminator spray we have. The only other thing I asked is if she could fill up my big blue bedtime water bottle because our filter wasn't done filtering before I had to leave, I don't typically have 14-15 hour days, but I did today because I didn't know if I would have time when I got home to refill both that and my work bottles.
Evidently today she was very snotty about the couch with my mom and she took the blankets off but she said it wasn't her job to vaccume or spray the couch because she wasn't paid to care for other people... in my perspective tough, yes this guy is allergic to cats, but I am asking you to do this so he, too, can provide care for my mom. It would be different if I was asking someone to do this so I can have a get together with a friend. But this person coming is for my mom, not for me.
With the cats, from my understanding she wasn't upset about this. But even if she was, I have asked her only 4-5 times total in the past year to feed my cats. I leave their bowls out, and have the dry food on the table, and all I ask is that she put a scoop of dry food in each bowl and then shut the door. Even though this task has nothing to do with my mom, I really don't think a task that is going to take less then five minutes is asking much. If I was asking her to give wet food and clean litter boxes, I would 100% pay extra. If she really wants I will glay give her a whole $2.50 as normally I would pay someone $10 to provide cats with 20-30 minutes of care. I used to be a caregiver for a girl, and I would also help the brothers with homework and get them off to school and did not get paid extra for that. To be mad over something like this is ridiculous to me.
Granted, she does go above and beyond in terms of house cleaning, so maybe that is why she felt that way. She often cleans up my own dishes after I eat, but she also chooses to do this. She knows she doesn't have to, but if I don't wash my own dishes immediately after I eat, she washes them. However, I shouldn't be obligated to wash my own dishes on the spot at home.
And, when we went over to get FIL to SF for his booster (this was when SF was the only one offering Pfizer/Moderna boosters for us J&Jers), the cat was out and I felt the symptoms in my throat. I had to exit to the back yard because god forbid I show up at SF General with covid symptoms.
I would not pressure her to do this work, given her allergy.
However, anything you ask her to do extra should be compensated for, since she is not volunteering.
So it seems that what she resented was doing extras for her co-worker. Well. Either she doesn't take the allergy seriously and thinks he's being a bit precious or she feels he's being treated more favourably?
I might have felt the same (though I wouldn't have let my client notice it) before my co-worker had a reaction at a client's home, admittedly to the fluffiest and most spherical cat I have ever met in my life. The poor girl struggled valiantly through most of the 2:1 routine, but then I realised that her eyes were streaming and she was gasping for breath and I sent her out of the house and finished the call myself.
Her attitude was silly, but the incident in itself was nothing. Shrug it off.
One of the things that I noticed with my mom is that she started to misinterpret all sorts of verbal communications from folks.
I would speak to the caregiver directly and find out how she feels.
The couch my mom could pay extra for. But what I don't get is she has willingly tried to insist on dong things like cleaning our windows, mowing the lawn for scrubbing the bathtub and we've had to insist she not do those things as I will do them when I get the chance.... but the couch , even removing the blankets and spraying it was too much to ask (she refused to vaccume it). She's been arguing with my mom on alot of things lately though.
Once in dividing up chores for the 2 caregivers sent by the company, I asked 1 of them about how it was going. She told me the other caregiver didn't do any of the cleaning on the list, so because it had to be done, she did it herself. I told the agency I only wanted the one caregiver who actually did the work. Find out if there's something like that going on and let the daytime person know to not speak to your mom about complaints.
If with you, this is not her responsibility. She is there to care for Mom, not to clean up after your cats. Her responsibility is to clean up after herself if she prepares a meal for Mom. That means washing dishes and cleaning counters that she and Mom used. She cleans up if Mom soils things. She should wash anything soiled while she is there. You should not have more work.
I worked as a secretary for a VNA assoc. One of our clients was bedridden and his wife worked. They were provided an aide thru the State. The wife complained that aide didn't clean, do the dishes or do laundry. The Depthead explained that the aide was not there for her but for her husband. She was under no obligation to wash the family dishes, clean the apt or do family wash. If, her husband was on his own, then the aide would be expected to do light housekeeping, this usually means the area the client actually uses, do the clients laundry and clean up the kitchen and bath the client uses. But because his wife was there, she is responsible for her own stuff.
It would be ridiculous to hire an extra person to drive out and that, I would gladly pay a PA is it was the only way they would be willing to do that, but $20/hour for a three minute favor would come to just over a dollar and that seems really trivial.
Maybe she is feeling taken advantage of or unappreciated. Cleaning up after you a lot means she doesn't want to work in a cluttered environment. I would begin to wonder if you didn't clean up after yourself because you knew I would. This would gripe my jazz and then being instructed to further clean up after you would be to much.
Not that that is an excuse for being argumentative with your client but, it could be the why.
I would have a sit down chat, express how much you appreciate everything she does and ask her what is going on and if there is anything you can do to help her.
I think your words about this show a bit of entitlement to ask favors of your moms aid. You don't have the right and you should give her compensation for any "favors" you ask. She is an employee, not a buddy or friend and you are overstepping your position, sorry.
Yet washing my own dishes but it always gets done after dinner. I should not have to clean up immediately in our home. My mom never did dishes immediately either, and she to has told her she doesn't need to do go that far and clean my own things (and my mom is 100% there mentally). Often during the day and morning I just don't have the time. Again I have told her she doesn't have to clean up after me, but she does anyway. So I am saying that a small favor with the cats and moving blankets off the couch seems small in comparison to her wanting to clean up even after being told she does not need to. I often have material prep to do at home and she is always moving those items around too, as the kitchen table is the only place I can do that.
With the cats I have paid someone before to come give my cats wet food, clean litter boxes, and clean out kitten cages... $10 per thirty minutes. Not that often because I don't have the time or money to go out all the time, because I am always needing to be concious of how long I am gone when caregivers are not there, and that's alot to handle especially when I have bipolar and adhd, and I'm trying to manage a full time job. But my kitties are my job are my purpose in this world. That is why I say that favor was worth less than a $1.6 of her time, and again, I will offer to give a couple of dollars next time give that next time, but I am saying it seems silly to say that is too much work when this is only the third time I have asked her to do since in November of 2020, and I have made the job as minimal as possible by leaving out the bowls in the appropriate places, food container and scoop. That would be very hard to find someone to come over and do that. I should also add that there have been times when she gives them water without us asking, because she doesn't think they have any and we have to explain they have plenty in their bedroom, that I give it to them. So she will give water when she doesn't need to, but this is too much?
I also think that it's time for the two of you to sit down and review the caregiving agreement, which I assumed you signed since this apparently is a government paid position (if I understand correctly). And that government involvement may be at the heart of why she doesn't want to add a few small chores; they may exceed the parameters of her work scope. And given governments, I'm sure she's signed some type of contract or agreement.
If you want to work this out, don't you think that the two of you should discuss it, especially since you've had the benefit of good insights here? Don't let this become such an impediment that she decides to leave.
If I was asking more of someone I would definitely pay someone else to come. In the past I have paid someone $10 for thirty minutes of their time to come give the cats wet food, clean litter boxes and clean kitten cages. That is very rare, because I don't have the time or money do things all the time andneed to be conscious of how long I am gone when there is no caregiver around. Limit three hours is how long I can be gone if no one is there, as we only have so many hours and can't afford to pay much out of pocket. Throw a full time job, and the fact I have bipolar and adhd in the mix it's alot. But my job and my cats are my only purpose in life. Either way I can definitely start offering $2 if I ever do need to give them dry food. $2 for five minutes of time. $2×12 = $21 and hour. Actually it's more considering it takes 2-3 minutes to do this. I should also add that there have been times when she gives them water without us asking, because she doesn't think they have any and we have to explain they have plenty in their bedroom, that I give it to them. So she will give water when she doesn't need to, but this is too much?
My mom always reimburses her gas money if she needs her to run an errand and occasionally she will offer to buy her a meal. My mom isnt crazy about her because she is always trying to push lifestyles on my mom that she doesn't care to have, but my mom still recognizes hiw much she does and gives birthday and Christmas presents too, despite the PA does not celebrate either. If she gives cash for medicine my mom tells her to keep the change, though she usually refuses to keep it.
As for extra cleaning, I have never been one to wash my own dishes immediately. I don't have the time in the morning or day, but I do right after dinner. My mom was the same way when. She was able to wash them, and we have told her this yet she cleans anyway. I do t think we should not need to change our own cleaning schedule just because she doesn't Iike the mess.
The cats and the mess they make, should be dealt with by you and one day locked up won't kill them.
Your mom should pay for her gas and offer to feed her when she uses her vehicle to haul your mom around. I guarantee that your mom doesn't feed her unless mom wants to stop and eat out.
So how would you feel if she left all of the dishes she dirtied to feed your mom, so you can do them after dinner? Would that be more acceptable to you?
I can't personally work in a dirty kitchen, so I would deal with them but, that is my choice for my comfort, not an invitation to you to put me to work.
You should be thankful that you have someone that does so much. Many complaints about the aid just sitting around on their phone.
Have enough respect for the job she does for your mom and all the extras she willingly does to ask her if she would be willing and pass her a ten.
OP you are being very nitpicky. You have calculated down to the cents how much you value her time to deal with YOUR cats. She is not there to look after your cats. And I cannot imagine how disrespected she is feeling to be told feeding your cats is worth less than $2 to you.
Get a food hopper for the cats and a water fountain. Problem solved.
Why on earth has a person who is allergic to cats been hired to provide care in a home with cats? That is insane, there is no way washing blankets and vacuuming the sofa is going to deal with all the dander, especially if they have been roaming around all day.
Dishes, I am guessing there is no dishwasher in the kitchen? So if you are leaving your breakfast dishes in the sink, how is she going to wash up Mum's after her meals? If you leave them on the counter, is there space for the care giver to prepare Mum's lunch and snacks? If you cook a hot breakfast are you leaving a frying pan all greasy or a pot with oatmeal in it?
When other people are in your mother's home, routines have to change. You sound very entitled.
"I asked is if she could fill up my big blue bedtime water bottle because our filter wasn't done filtering before I had to leave, I don't typically have 14-15 hour days, but I did today because I didn't know if I would have time when I got home to refill both that and my work bottles."
Why is it her responsibility to make sure you have a bottle of water at bedtime?
"...I shouldn't be obligated to wash my own dishes on the spot at home"
He was stepping in as a temp because it was my mom's my moms option till another lady could officially start. He was literally my mom's only option. So what else is she supposed to do? Go with out dinner and soil herself? We did not ask her to wash the. Lankets, simply remove them. And I didn't force her to vaccume when she said she didn't want to... so the couch situation easily turned into a thirty minute job.
Food hoppers are not good for cats because they overeat. And this does take up less then five minutes.if it doesn't then whoever is putting food I. The bowls is doing so at a snails pace.
And are kitchen is plenty big enough and two sides of the sink. So one can easily be washed. My schedule does not allow for my routine to change, when I'm usually up by 6:30 have no down time till 8 pm and even after that I still need to hp my mom at 10:00 pm right before I go to sleep. I have fought my own share or mental health and eating disorder problems in the past and I fight everyday to stay healthy. I have worked in houses with similar environments kitchen wise and IT IS NOT a household members job to recolve their cleaning schedule around a workers life. You telling me this is making me sound like I don't do anything in my house. And GUESS WHAT!? I DO. ALL THE TIME. Often to the extent that life feels like nothing more than a chore. And if it wasn't for cats who I take care of without asking anyone 99.9% of the time and my job, my whole life really would be a chore. I often give up my free time and time spent with friends to help my mom because I feel like I have to, not because I want to, and I am doing the best I can while still keeping my sanity.
The water bottle may not be her responsibility but asking her of a favor ONE TIME is NOT taking advantage of someone. And neither is asking someone to place food in pet bowls three times over the course of the year. If I was a worker, the only way I would be upset about this is if it was a weekly or monthly situation. THAT is taking advantage of someone.
The FACT that you've gotten someone that Mom can at least get along with, who does do what she does for Mom, is the important thing. God knows those CGs are hard to find.
Offer her $30 to deal with the cats and/or your personal water bottle every time you don't want to. If that or even $20 is too much, cats stay in the room until you come home with a six-pack of Smart Water. A lot better than blowing up a stable CG arrangement.
And how to you know my mom gets along with her? My mom tolerates and likes her work ethic, her but does not like her at all as a person, because she contradicts almost everything my mom says. Perfect example. My mom's clothes are often damp when she takes them from the dryer. My mom requests that she drys them longer, and she insists that they are dry and will not time the dryer longer. Why can't she respect my mom over some like that and just dry the clothes longer? And I know they are damp because she has taken my clothes out of the dryer insisting they are dry too, but they aren't. She has left bleach water in the laundry room sink saying "the cats won't get up there..." why even take a chance? my mom has requested she use a different cleaning solution but she cannot listen to that request. She tries talking my mom into taking that my mom into taking numerous supplements that times she has no interest in and once asked of she could get her doctors name so she could "tell the doctor something." The nurse was livid when she heard about the supplements as she tried offering my mom some supplement that would have screwed up her other medications. I'm my mom's POA, but not because I want to be, but not her guardian so I do think I can get after her about that one.
It doesn't really matter whether we feel your requests are acceptable; it seems to me that the aide doesn't feel your requests are acceptable. So in reality, you have 3 choices:
1) do these chores yourself
2) hire an aide who doesn't mind doing extra chores
3) have a discussion with the aide to find out under what circumstances would she find it acceptable to do these additional chores.
Now with the clothes, that should be your mother's prerogative and yours regarding her care. Just tell her that when the dryer goes, it goes for this amount for your mom's clothing. Simple.
But you're still doing this with the cats, and now it's $5. I would advise you never, ever, to offer anyone just $5 for what is actually an imposition as everyone here has told you. If you value the aide or need her around to do for Mom while you find another according to her liking, you must accede to what she wants, or find yourself having to care for mom by yourself.
BUT here on out, we are having g a job description and including this. And we have but she doesn't listen.
OMG, now you say she has done your laundry but, you don't ever ask her for favors. It doesn't sound like you need to. She's basically doing your chores or is it that she has to because you left your clothes in the wash and she has no choice but to finish them so she can do your moms?
I'll tell you, people can perceive if you think this poorly of them. Why would you keep her on if this is how you feel?
You don't even know what you have with her and you don't know how to manage people, so she won't put up with always being wrong for long. Nobody will.
Like I said in my 1st response, have a sit down talk with her. Employees deserve that respect and not all of this backbiting about how EVERYTHING she does doesn't measure up.
Spend 10-15 bucks on some wool dryer balls and your laundry will get dry faster. I would appreciate someone not cooking my clothes to death. If they are being hung up, they will dry, if folded and getting funky, have the courtesy to acknowledge that she is doing a great job but, can you smell why we would like for you to add time to drying?
No matter who is working in your home, they deserve, at a minimum, communication, guidance (written job description), training and appreciation for their efforts. If they are deadbeats you fire them but, they deserve the above from you and your mom. If you don't do this, you will always have problems. You are dealing with human beings and we all make mistakes, learn to work with them, be gracious when training them, take responsibility for your faults, listen to their ideas and stick to the job description and you will create a great environment for all of you.
She is probably on her way out the door because of the acrimony you and mom both have towards her, so the odds of being able to get her to change are slim but, you should at least give her the respect to try.
I also did not say I asked her to do my laundry, but it's inevitable that sometimes my clothes will be drying sometimes while a PA is there... I used to do the laundry for a little girl I cared for, and there were plenty of times I had to toss someone else's clothes in the dryer or something, so could get hers done and as long as I wasn't having to put her brothers or parents clothes away, that wasn't a big deal.
When she first started though, if my laundry was in the dryer, she would get it out and fold it while I wasn't home. After about two months of telling her every single time to just leave it in there, and in my event she did she needed dryer and my clothes were actually done drying,, throw it in the basket when the timer goes off and I will take care of it, she she finally listened. I have NEVER told or wanted her to fold my own clothes.
The only reason why I say my clothes are damp, in addition to my mom, is because when either of our clothes is drying (according to my mom) she doesn't let it dry the whole 70 minutes, and she will continually check on them till she thinks they feel dry enough. She tries to say they don't need it longer. Honestly it isn't a big deal let clothes dry the whole 70 minutes, especially my mom's clothes. My mom has tried to tell her she likes her othes dried the whole 70 minutes, and there is also a reason why I set mine for 70 minutes and it isn't so someone can stop it half way through because they think it's dry.
You are as low as it gets. Do you feel proud being such a slime ball?
I hope you get writers block and can not get your book published.
People like you damage others faith in their fellow human beings, you should be ashamed of your actions.
Anyway, I found the conversation useful as it really goes to keeping around an aide who actually does their job and has settled in with the elder, particularly if they exhibit bratty behaviors. My ILs lost their night/weekly aide for three days due to her illness. They were beyond glad when she returned. They're so used to each other now that they couldn't even fathom another option, but when that time comes, they will probably ask her if she knows anyone to start.
Pathetic but, part of forums everywhere.