November 7th of 2018 my dad was walking, talking, eating, and calm. He was put into a nursing home and a week later he hit a resident and was sent to a geriatric psych ward where he was almost killed and had kidney failure due to overprescribing psychiatric meds. This has been my nightmare the past two months. He has bounced back from the brink of death and can talk and somewhat eat and drink. However he needs to be diapered now, hand fed and is aggressive. He was in the hospital for a month and a half recovering. He was discharged and taken to a new nursing home. He was there twenty minutes, allegedly hit and strangled someone and was sent to the ER. Now he has been black balled from nursing homes in two counties as well as a geriatric psych ward. I am at a loss about what to do. I thought about bringing him home but I will lose my life and I don't know if I can handle his aggression. He is supposed to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow and currently they have nowhere for him to go. What do you do when things become this desperate? Any advice or experiences? I am at a complete loss and am losing my own sanity.
I'm chiming in strongly with the "do not get emotionally blackmailed into accepting a discharge home" vote. You are correct in thinking that you cannot possibly handle the behavioural challenges - it would be dangerous for both of you, as well as devastating for you personally.
I also strongly second the suggestion that you look specifically for dementia care units; but I assume you've already tried this to some extent. You may have to go further afield: what research have you done so far?
If you haven't already, I would get all the records from that first week in the NH and see if there were any changes to your father's medications. Occasionally an elder will have a bad reaction to a medication and with your father's kidney problems he might have a bad reaction to even changing the dosage of something he has been taking for years. If that has persisted, it may still be driving his behavior problems. Consider changes in soaps and lotions too - many have aloe and other additives that can enter a person's system through the skin.
On the other hand, dementia is a disease of unpredictability. Your father's reaction may have just been the dementia combined with someone who didn't have enough training to handle dementia behaviors. My father with vascular dementia is in MC and occasionally has "fits" (1-2 a year) where he cusses and throws things to the floor. The staff rotates someone else to care for him and lets him complain to them in his room until he calms down. It seems diminished personal attention when my brother cannot make his daily visits for several days is the cause so now others visit more on those days or we arrange a companion for a few hours each day. As bad as it looks/feels now, you and the right care professionals can come up with a workable solution - just don't let the system try to dump it all on you.
An evaluation must be made to admit a person to hospice and Hospice will follow all protocol spelled out by Medicare.
If your Dad has Parkinson's medicating someone with Parkinson's can be very tricky. Many medications normally used for agitation can kill a person with Parkinson's. So finding the right doctor is extremely important.
Is your Dad a Veteran? The VA can help a lot they have trained people that can deal with PTSD (aka PTSS post traumatic stress syndrome)
Your Dad is not the only person in the USA that has a problem and he can be helped. It may take a while to find the correct medication, the correct dose but it is possible. Look for a good neurologist and if possible a neuro-psychologist.
Do not take him home. Elder Law Attorney.
post - and several people take the time and effort to answer and provide suggestions - that the OP would return to say how things worked out.
Given the timeline stated in the original post - whatever happened - happened. Posting the outcome could provide help, insight and information to many others in similar circumstances.
Okay - that rant finished and on to the next. And actually, this is one of my top three complaints about “the system”...
”All you need to tell them is ...”.
Absolutly not directed and the individual that made this statement. It was in regard to refusing to take a compromised loved one - in the middle of a crisis - home from the hospital.
Easier said than done. Especially, if one is a Newbie and at their first rodeo.
How I wish there was some law against hospital workers pressuring people into taking home individuals who clearly need more help than they can or are receiving at home.
It it has been my experience that hospital social workers will outright lie in telling you - you have no option but to take the individual home. That - or they will apply so much pressure- so much guilt that you are made to feel like an unloving, uncaring failure of a human being - unless you buck up and bring the car around.
I honestly don’t know what the answer is - but there oughta be a law! AND hospitals should be held accountable.
Llamalover47