I have a letter from her doctor stating that she has moderate to severe cognitive decline. She does not have the cognitive ability to make her own medical or legal decisions.
I have healthcare POA, and financial POA.
The healthcare POA states that I can select and contract for my admission to, transfer me,...to hospitals nursing homes, assisted living facilities"
She is falling out of bed, went to ER again for stitches. She can hardly stand and has urinary incontinence to the point her bedroom and bathroom stink. she refuses to wear depends or cooperate in any way
I just want to ask...am I on solid ground here?
Begin to explore options for memory care and nursing home facilities. Take your doctor's letter with you. Your POA seems well written. Take this to banks now and be certain to take on the financial portion signing all bills for your Mom with her signature, and you as POA. All financial entities should have you on accounts as POA. If your Mom can manage a small personal account of her own you can create that. Know you must keep meticulous files for each bill, every penny in and out and do monthly accountings you keep track of.
Take your POA papers and MD letter with when you explore facilities; present your POA papers to them for their copying.
You should attend an hour with an Elder Law Attorney. This can be the person who did your POA for you and Mom if available or any other but check that you want to pay HOURLY fee only and would like to simply pass your POA past them so you know all your duties and know you have all the permissions needed. This will cost about 350.00 on average. Your Mom's accounts pay for this; it is part of being POA and is paid by the principal (the one who GAVE you POA). Remember, we are a forum of people who have been here and done this and that, not professionals. I did serve as POA and Trustee for my brother, but I am not a legal expert because of that.
The easiest way to place Mom will be from a three day hospitalization, so next fall you may wish to go to the ER. If she is admitted then contact Social Services at once with you papers, let her know you need discharge planning to a facility that will accept her. She may not be an "easy placement" and it may be difficult to get a facility.
Sorry you are facing this burden. It won't be easy. Be honest with Mom as you are able to. I wish you luck. I hope you'll update us as you go along.
"After the principal's name, write “by” and then sign your own name. Under or after the signature line, indicate your status as POA by including any of the following identifiers: “as POA,” “as Agent,” “as Attorney-in-Fact” or “as Power of Attorney.”
How to Sign as Power of Attorney for Your Elderly Parent
In signing as POA the principal's name is signed and then YOUR NAME as POA. BOTH names should be signed and the principal's name is signed first. It is the principal's account.
Now this is different if you are assigned Trustee of Trust. In that case you sign only your own name followed by "Trustee" or TTE.
This is easily researched online.
I served my brother as both POA, and as Trustee of Trust. In all cases I had to sign according to whether dealing with POA accounts or the Trust. I was taught at his lawyer's knees, and re-taught at the bank
She still goes out to play bridge. She loves being around people. She cannot bend over, so bed near ground would not work. I got her a lift chair, she can get out of that to her walker, but that also takes effort.
Her brother is an attorney and wrote POA. He wants no involvement in anything now. So it would have to be another attorney.
She fell twice this week, to ER with a terrible cut and stitches. she has to be picked up everytime. She has no awareness of her limitiations, and when we talk to her, at the end, she says we just don't want to deal with her and want to throw her in an institution and get rid of her.
Her friend that comes once a week said today I have to make the decision. She needs 24x7 care and will never make the decision.
Yes, this is all an awful situation. Very stressful. Can do a consult with attorney. I have done this before, and they always advise me to get guardianship. I don't want a very ugly 6 months court battle. So I don't want to go this route.
She is 95 now, and living in a big house, with caregivers coming in 4 days a week, and then family that drop in. She is lonely, can never get enough people. And honestly, I don't think she can remember who has visited.
She might not fall and be admitted to hospital for a year. I don't think that is a good strategy. When I posted about her recently, everyone kept saying that I needed to put her in AL, that I was being negligent in caring for her, due to Healthcare POA.
I would say that with the doctor's diagnosis and the powers of attorney that yes, you can definitely place her.
like it but seeming like it and legally are two different things. I consulted w a couple different lawyers and they said that a poa can admit someone into medical facility if they need it and are refusing however an AL is NOT considered a medical facility under the law- it’s considered a housing option- they don’t provide medical care there, it’s not the same as a hospital or skilled nursing etc
the answer I received from both lawyers who carefully looked at it is that an assisted living including those w memory care are NOT designated as medical care- they are designated as residential housing - a poa can get necessary medical care if the person refuses however poa does not allow you to make someone live somewhere they don’t want to. Because it’s not a skilled nursing or rehabilitation medical or medical facility, those Al places are considered housing not medical care.
I hear what you are saying. They provide care at the facility I am taking her to, Independent living, assisted living, memory care, hospice care. Doctor provides care at the facility.
She will hurt herself badly if it continues on as is. I have the support of family and people near her, because they all see what is happening.
The facility says they have others who also admit family member that is as stubborn and resistant as my mother. She can't continue to live alone anymore. So I am going to move ahead with this. I know once she is there, she will love being with others, and playing bridge and getting good meals and physical therapy. I am making the best decision for her well being, so I am comfortable with that. She has a few friends that live there that she played bridge with.
I think she will get used to it quickly and like it. I am furnishing an apt for her now.
My healthcare POA says I can admit her to AL.
What does your mother think about the AL idea? Are you anticipating trouble or have you just not discussed it with her yet? If you can win her agreement you'll save yourself a lot of grief.
Her short term memory is gone, and she becomes confused. She is beginning on occasion to mistake one person for another.
She will NEVER agree to leave her home. I keep stating this...so saying it one more time. She will say she knows she has to go sometime, "but I am doing really well for my age" There would never be a time that she would have agreed to stop driving either.
She is going to AL in a couple of weeks. I am doing it on my own. Many reasons for this.
1) make inquiries about pricings ALs are SUPER EXPENSIVE.
2) Invite your mom to go with you when you tour ALs. This will give her a sense of purpose during decision making. If she refuses to go on the tours make sure you pick up packets that explain about the facility. You can even ask the person giving the tour if you can video tape the tour to show your mom later.
I hope these suggestions help.
Good Luck
Encourage her to participate, help her participate, bring snacks to share and make introductions for her. This was so beneficial for my dad getting to know others. Go to activities with her and post the calendar in a prominent place, using colored highlighters to mark the ones she would enjoy.
My prayers are with you. This is one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I bawled for weeks leaving my dad. He did better with it then me because he had a 24/7 audience of new people to tell his life story to.
Your mom gave you POA because she knew you would do the right thing when the time came. Well done on a hard job.
Great big hug!
I took the opportunity to have my Dad stay at AL/memory care for two weeks of respite care while hubby and I went on vacation. This gave him and ME an opportunity to do a test run and get used to the arrangement. Of course my Dad was a peach, and they loved him there!
When he eventually needed full-time care, it was still hard to leave him. I'd tell him we were going for lunch, then after the meal the staff would distract him so I could leave. I was a comfort to know he was in good hands.