Can I be arrested for neglect?

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Can I be arrested for neglect?

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If my father refuses to take care of himself, refuses to go to the doctor, refuses to change his clothes, refuses to use shampoo, etc., can I be arrested for neglect? I convinced him to go with me to Hair Cuttery today, and we both got hair cuts. The woman found accumulated gunk under his hair, and some of the scalp has a minor infection. He hasn't used shampoo in two years but he told the woman "I shampooed my hair today." I don't know if he really believes it, or he's a good liar. I don't want to take him to court to declare him incompetent. He just wants to sleep and stare the remainder of his life at home. I make sure he's fed but since my mother died 28 months ago, he spends all day in the recliner. Shortly before that, he had his third psychotic break. He is sane now (I give him meds) but does not say much of anything. People are now commenting on how dirty his clothes and hair are. I got the hair fixed today (he said it didn't need to be cut but he hadn't had it done since last fall) and told him he must change his clothes tomorrow. He's been wearing the same jeans for months. I can only tell him to do things so many times; he ignores me. Am I supposed to get in the shower with him and dress him because I find that very distasteful? I've made him doctor's appointments last year but he cancelled them when they called home to confirm. I've been told I should be forcing him to do things, and now it's all my fault. He's a grown man, and his psychiatric nurse (the only non family member who sees him) won't talk to me (HIPAA). He doesn't want to be put away permanently. He thinks he's just fine. If I'm arrested, who takes care of him and my animals and the house and land? I work full time and take care of him, the finances, the animals, a 19 room house, and 5 acres. My job won't give me time off. I don't take care of myself (can I be arrested for that too? Nah, nobody cares about me). I'm exhausted.

Elder Abuse

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You are depressed and who wouldn't be. Maybe I missed it but does he drive himself to the appointments he makes? I think I would get a mental health warrant based on he is a danger to himself and others. Check to see how your county handles this. Usually through county judge and sheriffs department and local mental health facility. Pick anyone and call and they will walk you through it. You don't have to let him be filthy and who knows what else.
If you can make it happen they will take him in and evaluate him. Clean him up. Adjust his meds. Run some tests. While he's gone, do what needs to be done. Burn filthy clothes. Change his sheets. Scrub the recliner or throw it out. Get home health involved. Tell him if they don't come he has to go back to the facility. They will keep him less than a week if they are like most places. If this gets him mad then good. Maybe it will shock him alive. You need to get some momentum. At least you'll have a record that you did what you could. Who is writing the scripts for his meds? That is why he goes to the one appointment I guess. Is the dentist giving him drugs? Old friend ? What's up with that?? If you have to get a warrant every six months at least he'll be in better condition than he is now.

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Zombie; Do you and your dad live together?

You know, the nurse can't talk to you about your dad, but YOU CAN mail her, return receipt requested, letters that document his living conditions and lack of self care. You make yourself a copy of each letter and staple the receipt to each one and keep them in a file.

You can call APS and your local area agency on aging and ask them to do an assessment.

If he's taken to the hospital for any reason, you sit with the discharge planners and ask them to send an OT to his living quarters and then ask them to put IN WRITING that he's safe to return to said place without care. You also ask at that time for the OT to test his ability to drive.

I'm sorry for your stress.

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I would make the appointment take him out 'for the day' and drive him there and sit with him. Before that I would ring the doc say I know he won't let you discuss his health with me but I need to tell YOU ....... and I am at the end of my tether because I don't know how to stop this self neglect - I would follow that up with an email requesting a read report and then you have the proof that you have done everything you can. OR you could tell him you have made the appointment but tell them that regardless of what he says they are NOT to cancel it because you are now questioning his competency and say why

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Meant to imply that the psych nurse should be held accountable.

It is time to start documenting to protect yourself against future liabilities.
Keep in mind that the psych nurse is there to observe your father, and NOT to document you. If she is not making any care recommendations for his improvement, then that is wrong-keeping this to herself, HIPPA be damned.

Have the medical doctor send care-aids to do these things you cannot do.

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No, he goes to the nurse. I have never even met her since he changed nurses about two years ago. I knew the old nurse; mom used to go with him to the appointments. Dad doesn't want me to go and won't go if I go. The nurse isn't allowed to talk to me on the phone. She's never been to our house. She does not observe him. She just talks to him for 5 or 10 minutes every 3 months. I doubt my father says much more than he's ok. My father hasn't seen a medical doctor since late 2013 with two exceptions. He goes to the dentist every 6 months on his own. I'm not sure why he hasn't stopped doing that but it's something. Also, I did get him to go last fall to a podiatrist as a few toenails were ingrown; he refused a follow-up appointment. I told him I'd make the appointments for a regular doctor and get off work and take him, and he won't do it. He just cancels if I try. Once I had off the day after Christmas, and he had an eye doctor appointment (he has had glaucoma, cataracts, and a detached retina in the past and is supposed to see that doctor too) that day. I told him I was taking him. I came to find that day (this was Dec. 26, 2013) that he had cancelled. He claimed, "It was too far." You don't know how many times I've tried but I can't nag him constantly. My brother lives 10 minutes away but only visits for a few hours a few times a month and absolutely refuses to do my father's nails, take him for a hair cut, or take him to an appointment. I can't keep begging my brother either to help. Since my father sleeps 20 hours a day and is still using the toilet, I haven't yet hired help (all they would be doing is cleaning him but he'd refuse) but if things worsen, I'm getting them here against his wishes. Mom tried to get her helpers to help him back in 2013 when she was dying, and he refused to let a strange woman bathe him. Because of his mental illness, anything new or changed agitates him, he has tantrums, and he refuses to comply. The house is in bad shape, and he won't let me have it renovated although I did get a new roof last summer (it was leaking) and get appliances repaired and such. He used to do all the handy work. I wish the old him was back even with all the cursing and screaming because at least he got things done.

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The nurse writes his prescriptions. He does drive to her appointments but I've told him that he shouldn't and that I could find someone to take him. I bought him new clothes but he won't wear them. I do wash his sheets on a schedule, and I have thrown some out and get new ones. I know all about the mental health emergency people (we used them the second time) but he's not insane now. He's nothing, a zombie. They won't commit him for that. They wouldn't even commit him when he was hypermanic and insane because they didn't think he was a threat. Yet, he told me "your life is over" and "I will destroy you." That sounds threatening to me! The last thing we want is for him to be committed because not only would he hate it, they will take him off his meds. If he goes insane again in his current condition, it will kill him. He is calm, that is good. It was h3ll when he was committed the last time. They refused to commit him at first and later to force him to take meds so he was insane for a few months until he agreed, and I believe it damaged his brain, giving him dementia. The dentist just cleans his teeth like most dentists. He needs a regular doctor and to stay at home until the end. I'm not sure what doctor I'm supposed to send a letter to because he has no doctor. He wears the same clothes every day so those are the ones I need to wash. I'm telling him to change tomorrow so I can wash them, and I told him that after I do, he can go back to them the next day if he wants. I can't wash clothes he's wearing! He thinks he's been changing them. He thinks he uses soap and shampoo. He does none of those things. Arrest me for not ripping his clothes off!

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Hi Zombie. Glad to hear from you. I'm encouraged that you have made contact with his health providers. Regardless of whether he brushed, going to the dentist is good. I would make written contact with all the care providers he has and give them information about his status. Put it in writing. A phone call may or may not be noted on his chart but a list of your concerns should wind up in his file and provide some proof that you tried to get him health care. If he can't/won't talk at his appointment that will be noted as well. If he falls, he falls. Just be prepared to call for assistance and should he be hospitalized think about what YOU would like to happen when he comes out. Decide that for when it happens because it probably will happen at some point. It doesn't sound like your brother or SIL will be looking out for your best interest. I wish you would go to an elder attorney to determine your rights and not be taken advantage of by your family. Best of luck Zombie and keep in touch.

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I agree with sending his Dr a letter (certified if need be) explaining the things you are concerned about. No way can his Dr know what is up in a 20 minute visit and only Dad's story. And while his at that appointment do some cleaning and washing.. sheets,,, whatever you can get your hands on. At least you will feel like your doing something to help. And document everything

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I am not Zombie. My father is the zombie. I wrote up a list of his problems which I sent to his nurse. She doesn't care. I'm at work. I hope he forgets his dentist appointment. If not, I almost hope he has a minor accident where nobody is hurt so that the authorities can make him stop driving. The last time he drove me in his truck, it was more than two years ago. He went through a red light. This morning, his left eye was glued shut. I've told him before to use a warm wash cloth to get the gunk out of his eyes but he's never done it so I didn't bother. For those of you who say I should touch him, remember that the only physical contact I've had with my father as far back as my memory goes (to the age of about 3) was when he belted me. He's told me once that he loved me, hugged me once, and kissed me once. It was also the one time he did that to my brother and mother. He even kissed her on the lips! It was the only time in my life they did that that I can remember. When did this happen? It was the first time he was in the ER. He said he was having a heart attack. We thought he had a brain tumor. At age 65, they said he had bipolar disorder. He said, "the end is near" and "I am God." He talked about aliens. This quiet man was loud and boisterous. He stripped his hospital gown. He pushed the guard. He was legally insane. So, this is the man that smells and looks dead that now I'm supposed to be intimate with? I wrote "HELP" in the thick mold growth on the ceiling of the garage three years ago. It's still there. That about sums it up.

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Yeah, he forgot the dentist! I only found out because I check the caller ID, and the dentist called about 20 minutes after he was supposed to be there. I looked in the calendar, and he wrote "Dentist 12:00" on a day in July. I asked him, "You forgot the dentist, didn't you?" "Yah," he said.

Can I be arrested for neglect?

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