I was married 10 years ago and my husband has a special need son. He is now 30 years old and we have had him the entire time. His mother never sees him unless its a holiday and then she will say she is going to take him for say a month and usually within 1 week she makes an excuse and sends him home. HIs father travels quite often with his job and I have the responsibility of taking care of him. Please don't take me wrong, I love him dearly but after 10 years its getting harder and harder, I'm not young. My question being, he needs someone here all the time due to the seizer's, I was laid off about a year ago and I do work from home but its not nearly what i made working for a company. Maybe 1/3. We have supported him all this time with no help from his mother. I read that I can possible become his health care giver and be paid by the state. Dose anyone know about this? I am the Step mom so I have no idea how that works. I read that they will pay you about 12.00 an hour but how do you calculate the hours with it being 24/7? I hate to think about this but I do not want him to go to a home but I'm getting older and its very hard to think about going back to work, between working and taking care of him it is so exhausting after all this time. because I would have to pay for a caregiver so I though this could be an option. The mother is useless, my husband was court ordered to pay child care for the rest of his life or the sons life since he is special needs. What money he does get which I understand is maybe 700.00 a month goes to his mother and I have no idea what she does with it but believe it or not, its worth it to just keep her mouth shut. she does send the child support back finally, she kept it for years. I know we need to go back to court and change all of this and this is no excuse but its just a bad thing to even think about the way she is. He may be getting much more than the 700.00 but she would never say anything. Can anyone tell me if its possible to be his in home care giver? and how to calculate the hours would it be a flat 40 hour per week? Thank you for any help you can give me.
You tell me that your stepson lives with his father and YOU.
Yet you tell us that the mother is being paid 700.00 a month for him and is not caring for him. If the father took over care and housing then the money should have come to HIM that month. Surely your husband knew this?
And it is your HUSBAND who needs to be handling ALL OF THIS. Not you.
You and your husband, sadly, will have to see an attorney to work this out, and I think that should have been done some time ago.
As a disabled adult your son should be on government assistance, not his mother.
Please get help from an attorney as soon as possible.
Some specialize in disability cases.
You have mentioned that you are not getting younger and that your stepson will eventually be in care. You are correct, and in fact that would be better for him, imho. He cannot be getting proper activities with you. Once he is in care whatever funds he gets will certainly no longer be going to the mother, but to his care, and will be likely having to be further supplemented by the state and federal government.
Then you will go back to work and begin to save; you cannot continue long in this 24/7 care, nor should you and it will work a terrible hardship on you with the miniscule amounts you would get from the government.
I think you need to go to social services to see what assistance you may be able to get for your family. Assistance may be income based, so if your husband earns a high income, then there may not be much help available, but he certainly should not be paying his ex wife for child support. That money could go to relief help for you.
Unless this is back support, quit paying off the mom as you have him. If you’re sure he can’t function in society, pursue getting ssdi for him now.
Your stepson is entitled to Social Security Disability. With this he gets Medicare and maybe Medicaid. My nephew was born special needs. He gets all 3 and he gets Medicare premium paid for. He pays for no prescriptions. Your step-son is over 18. There are resourses out there for him. Social Services can help you apply for SSD andbin the meantime Stepson can get Supplimental Security income. Your County should have a Disabilities Dept.
Medicaid nay have a program where you can get paid. But it may only be a few hours a week. Social Services should help you there.
We here a lot on this forum where the parents die and the siblings now have care if a special needs sibling. The parents never set up resourses. My nephew is helped by the State. He can live alone. They pay 70% of his rent, he pays the rest. He has a Coordinator who takes care of any problems he has and an aide once a week to take him to the store, errands, cleans and just hangs out with him. I only take him to appts when they can't be made when the aide is there. It is so nice.