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My mother hates going to doctors and doesn't trust them. She wants to live her life at home. My sister can't help much because she is raising her grandkids, yet tells me if I don't do things right for mom that I can go to jail if something happens to her. Is that true? She did tell her dr that she was hallucinating when he increased her metoprolol to 50. So he dropped her back to 25. She still sees them.

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Your mom is like a LOT of people who do not like, or trust doctors. My MIL hasn't seen her dr in almost a year and won't see her at all as long as she is in Hospice.

No, you're not going to jail. Don't even worry about that. Caring for our elderly LO's is a hard gig and your sister is being a pain to even suggest that you could get in trouble. You'd have to be guilty of elder abuse before the authorities would be involved. Sounds like sis is playing you--ignore her.

If there are things you want your mom's Dr to know--can you access her My Chart or whatever system they use for communication. Of you have POA for mom you can use that to report to the Dr any new symptoms, w/o having to drag mom into an actual visit.

Of course you want to watch for the dreaded UTI, and for big changes in mood, temperament or mental status, but for the most part, if mom is well and content, you can be assured that nobody is going to report you for anything.

Maybe let Sister take mom for a nice weekend and she can see what a hard thing this elder care really is.

Or, perhaps, tell sister that if you go to jail, mom will be living with her.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 23, 2023
Great point about the possibility of a UTI.

Oooooh, the last line in your post should shut up her sister! Love it!
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Tell your sister SHE is the one going to jail for neglecting her mother and heaping all the responsibility on YOU. Let HER worry about whether she's breaking the law or not, while you rest easy that you are NOT.

Hallucinations go with Alzheimer's and dementia for some elders. Her doctor should dx the medication entirely if it's CAUSING hallucinations that were NOT present beforehand, however. Speak to the doctor directly about that. Also, mom should not be left alone at ALL with dementia, it's not safe. If that means she goes into managed care, so be it.

Good luck to you.
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BurntCaregiver Nov 18, 2023
@lealonnie

No, the sister isn't going to jail either. Nobody is going to jail and everyone already knows this.

If no one has conservatorship, guardianship, or POA for the mother then the state is the one responsible for making sure her needs are being met.
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No, of course you can't get into trouble. What medical information your mother wishes to keep private she is fully able to keep private. In fact, even if you were her POA and she had said she didn't want medical intervention, you could not get into trouble.

So let's take "trouble " off the menu.
Seems to me like Sis would be better to discuss with you safety issues for your Mom.
While you don't tell us a lot about your mother's hallucinations (which would almost certainly have nothing whatsoever to do with metoprolol), the fact that your mother is having these is indicative of changes that would/could make her a danger to herself without constant monitoring. If this is a sudden change it could indicate bladder infection. If ongoing with other changes it could be a harbinger of dementia making its slow way into her mind.
You would not want your mother in danger from insistence on living alone when she is no longer safe to do so, right?

Your sisters indicating that ANYTHING to do with mom could end YOU in trouble may mean that you are POA for your mother? Is this so? Do you feel competent in this job? Does your sister live nearby? Do the two of you generally collaborate together on keeping mom safe, or is disagreement about "what's best for mom" somewhat the norm?
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I'm pretty sure you already know that you won't be held responsible for your mother actions and will not be sent to jail.

Posts like this are really just a waste of everyone's time here and who knows for what reasons people will take the time to make this stuff up.

No. You can't be sent to jail for your mother's actions. No you are not responsible to take care of her or make sure she's taken care of unless you are her conservator, guardian, or have her POA and it's active.

In a nutshell, your sister is just blowing smoke.
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olddude Nov 23, 2023
And if she could be sent to jail then that means that her sister could also be sent to jail. After all, she's her mother also.

I agree, it's an idle threat.
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This is NOT an idle question. I’ve seen several sources that say, whether true or not, that a child can be held responsible for elder abuse/neglect if they don’t see to their parents’ needs . It feels like a very fuzzy line. So don’t dismiss people with questions that you “know” are just making things up. If you don’t think it’s a legitimate question don’t bother answering. Just don’t mock, that’s horrible.
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MargaretMcKen Nov 23, 2023
Matty, it’s not ‘an idle question’ because OP’s sister said it and OP wants reassurance. The reality line is not fuzzy at all in normal circumstances - abnormal circumstances being something like keeping the elder a prisoner against their will. So I’m fine about answering genuine questions, but not fine with extra people cutting in with their own delusional opinions.
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Call her doctor and report the hallucinations. She might have a UTI. Or she might need a different med.

If she really wants not treatment, it might be time for a hospice evaluation.
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If you were appointed by a court to be your mother’s legal guardian, then you would be held responsible for her. Otherwise, if you were not appointed by a court to be her legal guardian, then you would not be held liable for your mother. The only way you would be held liable is if you are accused of elder abuse. I believe your sister is using scare tactics so you can continue to be the caregiver for your mother as your sister is using excuses as to why she cannot be her mother’s caregiver.

Speak to your mother’s doctor about her hallucinations. These hallucinations may very well be from other medical problems such as vision problems, dementia, etc.
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Let doctors know ALL the problems your loved one is having. Doctors can not help effectively if they do not have all the facts.
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