Since I've been caring for my parents I've been having my own weird health problems. What is going on?
ok, you guys have helped me before, so here goes. ok, since ive moved back to my 85 yr dads, ive been having the weirdest health problems, skin legions that come and go that 2 derms dont what it is, way too many odd things..im 44, peri menapause has crossed my mind, everything has crossed my mind.now ive always been very in tune with my mind body and surroundings,i see whos really behind the eyes, if that makes sense..ok.. now its been a lot of deja vu as well, i remember my mom for many years complain of the most bizarre things, we all thought she was nuts, she died last year dementia. im wondering if her dementia wasnt 'helped along', ill explain..she would say 'bills trying to poison me with the water'. we all drank the same water, were ok.he tell her 'its all in your head'.words he tells me now..i think hes tampering with my food, just enough to get me bloated,and skin broke out...thats one example, im trying to keep this kinda short.. and yes, i have gone though all possibiltys, and my gut screams that he wants me too sick to date, too sick to do anything outside of here.now, even sick, im never sick for long...my symptoms ARE weird, but when i went to my last doc, he strongly urged me to 'get out of the house' as a trial run to see if my symptoms improve. and sure enough, they do.this last time i left for 5 days,i hobbled into my car my ankles were so swollen, skin was so ugly, but he kept on piling more and more junk here for me to do, like putting stuff in the way of the shower so i HAVE to clean it if i want a shower..like leaving sticky dripped everywhere knowing im allergic to bug bites and MUST have a clean kitchen, he 'helps' by dripping or dragging dogpoop/mud on the bottom of his shoes all up and down the hall, i vacumn it or i step in it..ya know? i had to crawl to my car to escape, i got a motel that had a spatub in the room to get my legs to work again! gone 5 days, i had lost 5 pounds ( YAY!) skin cleared up after the second day..im wondering, since this doc has known my folks for a while, if he knows something that he cant tell me, like that my dad did this to my mom? and i hate even having my brain go to this place, but my instincts have NEVER let me down, except when i ignore them.the more i hear 'its all in my head' the more i know that if i start to secondguess myself, that'd be it for me.. im rambling, sorry.venting a little too here) now. ive asked my dad not to buy or cook food for me, i think ive mentioned that before here, and so long as im eating single serving foods, im ok. when i eat anything thats open in the fridge like milk, it starts up again.few days ago, my ankles swelled up again, so i asked how to fix the hot tub in the back yard. it needed cleaned.. first he tells me it cant be heated the usual way, he has to run a hose from another area of house .??.when i ask why he gets mad,' you think you know more than me? ive been electrician for blahblahblah'..and now the hottubs filthy...with what looks ike sediment..whatever, ive got open sores, im not getting into that water! so he yells again 'you think your smarter than your doc;....its like, jeez...i understand, stressfull, but the things my mom used to say, im now seeing! only im NOT crazy, not like he wants me to be. he does things to test me, i know him better than he knows himself i think, i see him going from one age to another, one day its 'super bill' the man that can lift a car, to 'bratty bill', the michevious boy pulling pranks on the nuns,'scary bill' the one that sees me as his siter he hates. theres 'perv bill' that goes in my undie drawer, its a different dude every day. ok. i can even handle that, but i cant handle dude trying to poison me! am i crazy? what do i do? theres so much more, dont fit me for that straight jacket just yet..i am very strong, but if taking care of him means i have to be sick by his hand, then im outta here! i dont know if he knows he does this, or an unconcious effort not to be alone.either way, im not gonna let him do to me what it sure looks like he did to my mom. its weird, my sisters son is going through stage 4 cancer that just hit this healthy 25yr old kid, makes you wonder if stuff runs in the blood? im adopted, im not that blood line. ( im not accussing anybody of anything here,just pointing out what keeps happning.over and over)
ok, ill be happy to get in more detail, ask me, i refuse to belive my mind and body are failing me, it doesnt feel like that at all..my instincts are dead on accurate...that doesnt change with age.
20 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Mom broke-fractured her hip. Should she have surgery or not? Can anyone with experience provide advice?
- My mother is over weight. I've tried many times to talk to her about it but am getting no results. Is there something else I should try?
- My mom started making weird "panting" noises a few months ago. At first it was intermittent, now it's all the time. Why does she do this?
- My husband has Parkinson's and Dementia and I can't leave him. How can I get the medical help I need?
Goof luck,
Sandi
now an update, so im walking around here, cleaning the yard, figured id take a picture..then i start noticing things.. like the mold issues right outside my window, like the seasoning bottle ( dads fav) almost empty, in the shop by where his truck usually sits. ( not a place where he would toss this.) im very tempted to send it to a lab to see what they come up with...but see, i know i sound paranoid, but the more i look at, the more questions that dont get answered, like, why would a man that took such great pride in this beautiful house he built with his own hands , let it go to pot while refusing to let anybody repair things? anyway, i get to the hottub out back, the one hes been pushing me to sit in, and i was horrified to see this hot water heater ( thats attached to the tub to heat it) totally scorched! i called the gas co right away, they came out and they agreed thats it not in my head, in fact, about 6 months ago we had the house fumigated, the gas co must come out to relight all pilot lights, they told him THEN not to use this water heater! i wonder if i can post this pic..and the attic, the one he loves to go into, is dripping with mold. thats why he was going up there all the time, trying to clean/cover up how bad it is!! these are full on health hazards, im thining his mind says ' im 85, passing away in a few years, why repair?' but see, he putting me at risk, the water heater outside was putting out an carbon minoxide off the charts when the gas guy came, i dont know what to do! im gonna have to figure out a lot of things here, me myself, im ready to grab my dog and go, camp at the beach is better than having my skin and health go straight down the drain.now, do i abandon ship save myself/ do i make sure hes ok when hes looking at me like im just there to serve him till hes dead? my sister treats me like the adopted kid, so why the hell am i here? that water heater thing really freaks me out..he HAD to have seen it that bad, he turned off the gas to it, but he didnt tell me? worse, hes been bugging me like crazy to sit in it? id be dead....
so im kinda starting to go ' do i save the house, and put money into it. if i do, who can u cakk? ans
Mold can cause a lot of symptoms. For example: my moms house had some mold issues when I first started helping her. I had unexplained problems. I accidently came accross a tv program about mold. I looked into it further and realized all my symptoms were coming from mold. It took months of bleach and cleaning.(I got rid of clothes, furniture, replaced paneling in the downstairs etc..) you name it, I either scrubbed it or threw it away!!! I did more throwing away then really needed LOL!!!!But my symptoms went away after a while.
Also, I know this sounds way out there, but you said your dad was an electrician? What about the wiring in the house? I watch Ghost Hunters alot and they talk about "High EMF exposure". Thats when your around high levels of electricity and those people that are sensitive can get symptoms of being sick. I did a web search before I wrote this. I did find a web article suggestion exposure to this can cause "skin rashes" among an array of other issues.
So I guess either one could cause a mess load of symptoms, but when you leave that enviroment it would diminish.
Just thought I would suggest. Maybe its not your dad that is hurting you its the house. And if he won't let you get it cleaned up, remember you health is important, and leave. I know that might be mean but you need to protect yourself.
I am sorry your going through this. Its hard enough to be a caregiver but then you are dealing with more issues that affects your life and well-being.
If I can think of other suggestions I will let you know.
take care!
I do know that if mom was in here right mind she would have fought me on "cleaning" up her house. Because this is her house and she was the only person who knew how to do it.
Don't feel like your being selfish for thinkin of yourself. You should come first. Don't be like me. I have put mom first along with hubby and kids. There is no longer room for me and my feelings. I know I am depressed but I won't admit that aloud. Somedays I just want this to be over. But then what??? my hubby and I will be out on the street HOMELESS!!!
Do what you need to do before you get in under your head! I really feel for you and your situation. You seem like your fighting a never ending war with your dad!! I don't know what to suggest to get him to see whats going on. From what you said about him, he sort of reminds me of my grandma (94). She is a pistol very bullheaded and way too PROUD to think she needs help. She is in excellent health memory is great for her age the only thing that is wrong with her is her knee had detoriated and she needs a walker/cane to get around. Well, you know where her years of stubborness got her??? A personal care home!!! She has been there since August 2010. She of course gives the aides hell constantly. They used to call here all hours when she was on her rants, till I told my uncle he had to deal with it!! Lucky him!!LOL
I looked online for EMF detectors. you can buy them online the prices range some was pricey! Too bad you couldn't get someone in the house(electrictian) they I am sure would be able to help you!! Even with the mold there are specialist out there that will come and test your air and check the home for mold. Is there anyway you can get your dad out of the house for a few hours?? Then maybe you could sneak a professional in the house to check things out??? Could others in the family talk to him that he will listen too?? Sometimes intervention with several people help.
I am here to listen if you need to vent!! As long as you don't mind me venting back!!!LOL!!!
take care
JAMIE
lately he lies to me about everything, stupid crap that doesnt even matter,just to try to fight.and i dont want to fight! its so frustrating, you understand, jaime you seem the most like my situation, im glad you posted what you said.. he doesnt understand that even though i gave up my sec8, that im not stuck here. ive got almost all i need to go camping for a while, haha, the beach does so much good for me,i dont know. i guess im waiting for it to get a bit warmer, haha, its so cal but its still cold. sleeping in my mustang gonna be a bit hard sice im not a tiny gal, but ill manage. i cannot let him bulldoze me like he did my mom, im the only one that looks out for me,ya know? just hate to leave on a bad note, but im not gonna stay where im not wanted. there are a lot of people out there that need a good strong honest housekeeper/organizer,, but i cant work if i cant walk.
I think if you put a little distance between you and the situation you would see how the obvious is to leave asap. When you went away and got better, the situation speaks for itself.
Maybe contact a counselor or social services, even Dept of aging to get help to formulate a plan to leave and have your father cared for. He does not sound too competent at this point. A family meeting to put your needs on the table??
I am very concerned about you, and urge you to get professional help immediately.
Meaning this situation is soo complex and intense, anyone would need outside support.
Good luck and remember taking care of you is not selfish it is survival
Really, like in the original Amityville Horror movie. Get out!
From the water pipes. From the EPA:
"Lead is rarely found in source water, but enters tap water through corrosion of plumbing materials. Homes built before 1986 are more likely to have lead pipes, fixtures and solder. The most common problem is with brass or chrome-plated brass faucets and fixtures which can leach significant amounts of lead into the water, especially hot water."
http://water.epa.gov/drink/info/lead/
Our community DPW has notified residents to run tap water for 30 seconds or more to allow any lead to run off. I've learned from DIY forums that lead tends to settle when faucets aren't turned on, such as during the night. So I run off hot and cold water every morning or after several hours of nonuse.
The ideal solution is to replace the pipes, but that requires funds not always available, especially for someone whose only income is SS.
There's also the issue of lead in paint. Popular remodeling shows feature homeowners and professionals hacking away at walls, pulling out insulation and engaging in other activities which expose harmful and toxic substances. I cringe every time I see someone pulling out old fiberglass insulation with bare hands and w/o adequate respiratory protection.
If you're remodeling, especially for caregiving purposes, research the safe methods first before smashing up drywall and pulling out insulation.
And please check the labels of cleaners, cosmetics, lotions, etc. The Environmental Working Group has extensive lists of chemicals, some of which are found in cosmetics and cleaning products.
And on the subject of lead, did you know that it used to be an ingredient in lipstick?