My father is 91 years old. He has slight cognitive decline and mobility issues due to arthritis. Since I live closest to him, my daughter and I alternate times to go over to the house and help with meals, laundry and running the household. My brother has financial POA. Since my daughter and I are spending over 20 hours a week with my dad, the general consensus between siblings was to pay ourselves a nominal amount for our time and services. Recently, my brother placed a security camera in my dad's living room. He said it was to check in on my dad a few times a day to make sure he's okay when nobody is there. On a weekly basis, my daughter and I send our estimated hours/schedule to my siblings. This is not a job on an assembly line. Turns out that my brother and his future wife are stalking us. E-mails and voicemails from the future wife informing us that we said we'd be there at 4:00 but didn't get there until 4:20. Your daughter should be cleaning the house instead of sitting on the couch (she's a college student who studies while she's there if my dad is resting). There are two missing checks from my Dad's checkbook and my daughter and I are being accused of stealing them. My daughter and I aren't stressed watching my Dad. My brother's future wife is causing all of the stress. Yesterday I had three voicemail messages from her demanding that I call her back to let her know what I did with the missing checks and to explain why we weren't adhering to the times we committed to. Since we have started to pay ourselves, I have always adjusted the hours worked in regards to pay. Is it legal for them to use the security camera to watch out every move? This is a family matter. I don't need to be micromanaged by anybody. I'm at my wits end.
Anyhoooo... this is the trouble when you are doing something out of the kindness of your heart that however costs you real money so it is agreed informally that you should be compensated more by way of appreciation than real pay but then somebody goes all accountant-y on you and fur is rubbed up the wrong way all round. Either your brother or your SIL is being what my son would call by a very vulgar name indeed so I don't want to repeat it; but you are NOT hired labour and you ought not to tolerate this nonsense for another microsecond.
You're going to have to talk to your brother about it.
The security camera is fine as long as it doesn't bother your Dad. Have you considered mooning your SIL?
Have you discussed this with your brother? This should be an in person meeting between you and him, and she is not to attend. You may want to do this in the attorney’s office, if you had one draw up the POA, just to remove some of the emotions from it and to have a mediator/ witness to help establish boundaries and expectations. I would say that he is complicit in this, so he bears some blame as well. Call some homecare services and get price quotes for comparable work. If you can’t set boundaries as to what’s acceptable then he should handle scheduling and engaging aides ( and finding coverage when they cancel). Then you can revert back to visiting socially with your dad. I know you help him out of love, but the lack of trust and understanding about caregiving doesn’t bode well.
If the care you are providing is task oriented ( ie, laundry is done once a week) then take a weekly lump sum for services provided, not a clock-in, clock-out hourly rate.
Ignore future sister in law and only speak with your brother. Ask your brother where the missing checks are. After all he is the financial POA. If you do not get paid quit and have him hire what ever your Dad needs.
I think I would cover the camera up when I was there just to upset her!
1. Walk in, say hi to brother & turn off the camera until you leave. Dad doesn’t need monitoring if you are there. Does dad know he’s being monitored??? It’s his home & his invasion of privacy. Financial POA may have limits.
2. Negotiate a flat rate payment for the week (rate to be renegotiated if dad’s needs increase). Remote access employers don’t dictate how work is done; they only expect results.
3. Resign. And walk. If an employer improperly accuses an employee of theft (wages, items, etc), that’s not trivial.
You are fine with dad, but the work situation as it now stands are going to force you to stand back to protect your mental health.
If it continues tell sibling he can hire home health aides for dad then you are free to visit dad and do for him as you want to give to your dad/grandad as a loving gift.
snd he is getting weaker and more abusive . I am thinking about paying myself a salary or hiring help .