Since we moved Dad to assisted living near us he's had to change all his doctors over, and he has a LOT of doctors. I've been having to take half days of work to get him, take him to the new doctor, help him with all the paperwork and medical history and insurance stuff and then take him back. But my plan was always that once he had an established relationship with a specialist he could make his own appointments and then use the AL transport van to get there (they do this all the time).
He is balking. He wants me to make the appointments and take him. But I just literally can't! I work full time, and while I'm self-employed so I have some flexibility, I am still drowning in deadlines thanks to everything that I'm doing for him (including cleaning out and selling his house).
He had a non-emergency medical issue related to a specialist he's already seen twice. I told him last week to make the appointment and use the van to get there. He clearly didn't do that because now the AL is calling me saying he's complaining about pain, etc.
If I wasn't self-employed I'd have been fired for all the time I've taken off to help him. As of now I'm calling in every favor I have with every client I have just to keep my head above water. And he just keeps saying it's "easier" if I make the appointments and chauffeur him.
I'm at my wit's end!
Prior to AL my father had no consideration for my time or the fact that I worked full time. He thought nothing of expecting me to take him to the same doctor TWICE in one day. The third time he tried that I wised up and put my foot down. Then he expected me to find someone else to drive him and I put that back on him too. The stress of dealing with his issues was killing me. He wanted me to take over total responsibility of his life.
Good luck and Godspeed to you
Dad may also enjoy the time spent outside the AL with you. Do you visit and take him out for a drive and a dinner every week or two?
I sent my Mom to an Adult Daycare, I would say she was in the 5th stage of Dementia. The AD supplied the bus. First day Mom said I had to take her, I said no. She continued to go by bus and called the bus driver her boyfriend.
I hope your Dad is not so far into his Dementia that he doesn't understand the word no. It maybe hard to reason with him but after the first or second time he maybe OK. Now will an aide stay with him or at least make sure he gets to the right office? Someone suffering from Dementia really needs someone with them. The dr office needs to be put on alert that Dad may not be able to follow directions so they need a call or email explaining what happened in the visit.
Does he really need all the doctors he has or go as often. As soon as Mom was stable, I cut down on visits. Sometimes a PCP can take over the care.
When I refuse to, she refuses to see her doctors. When there's an appointment that's actually important (most of them are entertainment and socialization for her), she asks a different family member and pays them (I never get a dime).
Explain to the people at the AL facility that you will not be taking your father to the doctor's appointments anymore and ask them to arrange the transport.
Then tell your father that you're not able to take him to appointments anymore because of work. He'll probably complain and refuse to go to his doctors, but he'll come around.
Then there was the time I was out of work and unemployment ran out. My father still expected me to drive him all over. Never occurred to him to offer gas money. In fact, when I said I couldn't afford to come down more than once a week he got offended that I implied he should give me gas money. Funny thing is, whenever my kids visited he gave them gas money.