How could disrupting the routine of an elder with dementia impact them?

Please let us know how the one week visit home went and how well mother was able to get back into her return afterward.

Oh, I see that there has already been some progress made in handling this situation. Very glad that is the case. Good luck to all!!

I agree with all of the posters who have said that this is a bad idea. I wonder if the family member who wants to bring her to their home for the 2 week visit is perhaps uninformed and simply thinks they are doing a good thing for your mother by having her spend time with family away from the facility? Although that may be noble it is, unfortunately, misguided. Could you share with this individual the many comments from this site by people who have loved ones in the same situation?

I am glad to read that your Mother can go home with your sister for a weeks visitation. My Mother will be 100 years old in October and she likes to visit the house. There's no place like home. She has no trouble going to the home. In fact, the experience seems to stimulate her. She walks up 1/2 flight of steps herself. She uses the walker on our hardwood floor. At her apartment, she has vinyl flooring that looks like hardwood but in the hallways the senior facility has carpeting. She doesn't like to walk too far on the carpeting with her walker and uses the wheelchair with me behind her pushing.  Also, she likes the home environment with greater space for the family. When family comes to visit her apartment is too small to be with them there. The kids have no space. At home she can sit up on the deck and watch her great-great grandchildren play in the backyard. (They wave to her and she waves back) Hoping the visit goes well for her. Blessings to you and your family for working out your Mother's trip to your sister's home possible.

To all of the responders to my question, the good news is that the two week visit was decreased to one week. I shared these responses with my sister, who tries to 'fake' the declining position of my mother. Over the past year, mother became completely wheel chair bound, walks at best 100 steps, and has forgotten or gets confused about major events, such as the death of my father four years ago. Your experience has helped me understand the illness even more and to rely on my instincts which are spot on, at least for now.

You MUST not, nor SHOULD not, nor CANNOT change any faction of the elder with dementia's life. What they require is stability. ANY change would totally disrupt their life.

Your mother's new routine is now established and apparently working successfully. The key with an advanced dementia patient is to stock with what works. If she is placed into a different environment and by your account, this is a poor environment, she will regress as her new routines are disturbed. It is quite possible that she has forgotten the 'old life' completely which means she will be exposed to new and unfamiliar surroundings, and this will bring a level of apprehension, possibly fear, and most certainly greater confusion for her. It is your mother's well-being that is paramount here and you need to be clear with the family member that the care facility has achieved a level of success in improving your mother's life, that would be overturned by a return to her old surroundings.

My mom was in a somewhat similar situation. She was in an assisted living memory care and loved it. However, after numerous falls her doctor wanted her in an environment with more hands on care and supervision. She was moved there and HOLY CRAP! She was a tyrant. She had hit her head 2 times with staples and stitches occurring both times and although the falls could have contributed to her mental change and attitude at her prior Assisting Living I was scared she was going to get kicked out of this new home. They are very sweet, patient, and qualified to care for her but the change in her environment put her in a tailspin. It's been about two weeks now and she's still feisty! Not the mom I know and it's sad. Her sundowners have magnified and sadly at this point medication is the only option. I hate seeing my mom so distressed but I know it's for her own good and safety. Her assisted living memory care staffing had 1 caregiver per 30 residents during the day. This was unacceptable so I was glad to have her move.
So, don't feel bad or guilty if you have to question your sister about the two week visit. It really is not of any benefit to your mom at this time. Your mom will most likely become distressed and more confused. Sometimes a quick call or email to her doctor will help in asking, not in detail as they don't like to get involved in family issues, what is the doctor's opinion if she were to be taken from her AL for a two weeks to a family members home in another state? Then tell the doctor your reservations briefly.
Also, non knowing how you and your sister get along but tell her you would like to plan a family get together or reunion closer to mom in order for it to be easier for your mom both mentally and physically.
Also, the DPOA has say in this matter too.
I wish and pray for you and your mom!

As everyone has pointed out, moving a person with dementia for two weeks is extremely disruptive and so should be avoided unless there are truly compelling reasons to do it.

@Hebnerde, I would just encourage you to be as diplomatic and constructive as possible, especially in talking with the family member who presumably is hoping to provide "a treat," as someone else put it.

This family member may indeed be trying to relieve guilt over the move to a facility, or just may not realize how disruptive a two-week visit is.

Emphasize to that person and to everyone else that your highest priority is to maintain the well-being and stability of your mother with dementia, and that the best way to do that is to maintain her living routine and not move her. You can say that you researched this, and everyone with experience was unanimous in advising against a short-term move.

If possible, express appreciation to the family member for wanting to spend time with this person with dementia (or otherwise wanting to do something nice for her), and try to find other ways this might be possible.

In short, do the right thing by your mom while being as constructive as you can. Good luck!

Agree with everyone. My mother had a four month hospital stay, even changing rooms, as explained thoroughly by physician was stressful. Anxiety and stress are as negative to an elderly person as a broken bone. Also bath time, another issue. Have been caring for my mom for 3 yrs plus, she is in assisted facility and comes to my home every two or three days, made sure routines never interrupted, extremely important for her well being. Thought about even changing floors in facility since she is doing so very well, but I agree with staff to leave well enough alone, she takes the elevator and goes to join others. It is not about us, it is truly about them, guess you have to care for someone daily to know this and trust yourself. Stand your ground, trust in the knowledge that you are correct and so be it, as a caregiver I and many others are with your position. Courage, hugs and peace of mind be with you.

I just had to bring my 94 year old mother (who has Stage 6 Alzheimer's) home to live with us from memory care (it got too expensive). She's been here a week and seems MORE confused than normal. She's constantly asking where everyone went and talks about the routine at the facility.

My vote is Don't Do It also. It's way to disruptive to acclimate them to the new surroundings then REacclimate them back to the AL.
My question is WHY does this family member want to bring her back home for such a long period of time? If the care was too much for her earlier, then won't it will still be too much?
Is it a plot to get her back into the home, hoping Mom will want to stay? Was this person getting paid to do her care? Is she missing the income?
Not a good idea.

There's another issue here with changes in locale, routine, etc. It's that a person, especially with dementia, can gradually become more or less accustomed to the placement of furniture, chairs, and things that are needed.

All that changes in a different environment. The individual has to relearn safe navigation, different seating options, different kitchen and bathroom configurations. It's more than some people can handle.

I don't know whole lot about dementia or Alzheimer's but I do know enough from being around my foster dad. At first I didn't know how to spot it in early stages and I still don't. However, all I can really tell you from being around him specifically is that he didn't like changes to his routine. I don't know why changes upset him so bad to the point of throwing a fit. Everyone needs a change now and then but I can tell you from my own experience that sometimes depending on the situation I prefer routine where as other times I don't. Again, it really all depends on the situation and what's in my path and how well I like it. I think to some point we all have routines, this is actually normal. Some of us even without mental decline may get upset if our routines or comfort zones are invaded or even changed, I think to some reasonable degree this is actually normal for us all. The only difference is people with mental decline such as dementia or Alzheimer's tend to handle it differently than normal people. I think people with dementia or Alzheimer's take routine a bit too far and even become unreasonable when change is actually needed in some cases. Again, depending on the  situation will depend on how badly changes needed. In the case of my foster dad and his apartment, he liked the location because it's a garden apartment where you could have a garden in the front yard because it had a very nice front lawn as well as a very big back lawn. Despite the building running down around him, he really liked the location. The stores and post office where within walking distance and his little efficiency apartment suited his needs. However, what he failed to realize is that there were major problems that his landlord was not willing to fix because his landlord was not a landlord but a slumlord. In fact, we tried pulling the rent to send a strong message since dad just wasn't going to move and I didn't have the manpower or vehicle to move him myself. I started secretly calling around a little bit about possibly getting him a new apartment. I could've easily landed him a new apartment with no problem given his situation, but physically moving him was going to be necessary  and this was something I couldn't do by myself with only a bicycle. This was just not going to be possible given my situation. Eventually though, three different people reported him to APS. Finally, someone with enough manpower and vehicles got involved and he was moved. He was in another apartment building nearby his old place. Right after moving in though, he was hospitalized for a respiratory issue. I tried to set up his new apartment to the best of my ability but he had  very little floor space to work with. There just wasn't nowhere to go with all that stuff but there was really nothing I could do but just what little I could. I would wait at the apartment on the day he was supposed to come home according to the hospital. I waited at his new place for quite a while, but I couldn't wait all day since I didn't know what time he was coming home. With a little digging it turns out he was readmitted for the same thing. It wasn't long before he was moved to a nursing home and I thought it would only be temporary for rehab before being released because something people do get evaluated, rehabbed and released. It turns out though, my foster dad was in the Alzheimer's wing and when I spoke with whoever was concerned, I explained to them that I had an awful time getting him to eat the right foods. He was bone then and there was nothing I could do. I would bring in groceries as he needed them and sometimes I would do a complete run and fill the fridge. I'm not sure how much of that food he actually ate but I'm sure he must've been eating something to still be alive. At least when we started eating together I got him to quit throwing out the leftovers after each meal in order to not only save food but also money. At least I was able to get him that far. Another time I recall he brought in some hamburger meat and potatoes and we cooked them up and much to my surprise he was willing to eat that instead of a greasy TV dinner! I told him we should really start doing this a little bit more often because it's very healthy. I even suggested adding an onion to the mix and he actually brought in an onion about the next day or so later. We quickly needed a bigger skillet it because everything was just overflowing. When he found out I was going through a time I didn't have a skillet at home, he gave me one of his and went out the next day and got another one at a local thrift shop. I'll never forget my foster dad or my experience with him as he aged. Sometimes there's only so far you can go in helping someone like leading a horse to water but you can't make them drink it, although you wish you could!

H'm. The family member in question is not what you'd call quick on the uptake, is she?

I have grim experience of what happens when a family member thinks she's perfectly capable of providing effective care in spite of evidence to the contrary. And I'd add that that sort of family member, if the example holds good, is also the sort who pooh-poohs advice and ignores established routines.

One of two things will happen. 1. She'll get away with it and will believe she was right all along and may even seek to return your mother permanently to the home. 2. She won't get away with it, and it'll be your mother who pays the price of a broken hip, a rapid mental decline, or consequences of neglect such as fungal infections, pressure ulcers or a uti.

Do you have the authority to prevent this proposed visit?

While this person might think they are offering a treat, it is not advisable. My mother, who has very mild dementia, lives happily in Assisted Living. When she recently was hospitalized, she became so weak she had to then go into rehab before returning "home". She became so very confused with these disruptions, she thought I was not visiting her even though I was there nearly every day. She thought she was abandoned. If for some reason you cannot stop this, make sure your mother has something familiar with her. But try hard to help prevent it.

My Sister In Law brought my FIL home just once and just for an afternoon when all the family was home. He was scared and confused. Kept asking "is this where I lived with my wife?" From then on if the whole group wanted to see him for a special event we all went there and they let us use a meeting room. Much better day for everyone.

I would say if she's happy and thriving, leave her where she is.

Denise, sounds like you already know what is best for your loved one. Stick to your guns! If she is going good, like the ole' saying goes. "Don't rock the boat"☺

As the others have mentioned, this is a terrible idea! On occasion, usually around the holidays, I would bring my mother to my home to spend a night or two. She is very familiar with my house and knows instantly where her "room" is. The first night is usually okay. But, by the second night, she's upset and not really sure where she is - to the point where she's frightened. Hence she doesn't sleep well and my husband and I do not sleep well either. Don't let them do it.

How strange! I also wonder why the family member wants to do this. Is your mother in a position to tell them she doesn't want to go? Is she hoping to go? I hope for her sake she can stay put.

I would not disrupt her routine. It definitely would cause a setback. Don't do it!

If the fall occurred while this family member had Mom under their care maybe they feel that it may have been their fault and they want to prove that they can do better and that it will not happen again.
While Mom is thriving where she is now she still needs a higher level of care than she did before the fall. You say that she was placed because of the higher level of care what has changed? You Mom will need more help getting up and down from a wheel chair or a regular chair, will need help getting in and out of bed. Is she incontinent? She will need to be changed and if she is using the toilet does this family member have a bathroom large enough and toilet high enough?

Changing the routine of a person with Dementia is difficult but not impossible. I think this is why the 2 weeks. It would take that long to get her adjusted and by the time she is adjusted she will be taken back? Then she will have another long adjustment time.
Some do better than others adjusting but it is difficult.

I would strongly discourage this.
Maybe talk to the Social Worker at the Assisted Living facility or the Director and they can help discourage this.

I agree with the others that this is a terrible idea. Routine is very important in most dementia situations. Not only will there be a struggle during the 2-week visit to the family member, but it will be a struggle to readjust to her apartment at her assisted living community upon return.

Good luck - I hope you are able to quash this rather bad idea of your family member.

That's a terrible idea. My dad has dementia and lives in an assisted living facility. When he had to go to the hospital for 10 days,he was so confused. Being out of his familiar surroundings totally messed with him.
You've got to put your foot down. Leave her be. If she is happy and settled,then that's a wonderful thing. To pull her away from that is just mean

I agree with all of the three answers so far. This two-week break from the regular routine will have profoundly negative affects.

It's your mother do you have POA? What is the relationship of the family caregiver.
Try and use all the influence you have to prevent this. Mom is happy and adjusted in the current situation don't run the risk of making her dementia worse with a visit such as this.

How disruptive? Very, very disruptive. It's difficult for someone with dementia to focus and to become accustomed to routine, and to understand and acclimate to that routine.

If she's taken out for 2 weeks, she has to readjust to a new environment, only to have a second adjustment when she returns to the facility.

Beyond this, I'm wondering why this family member wants to do this, and for 2 weeks specifically. Is this member thinking of using this as a trial to take her out of the facility completely? W/o insulting anyone, are there control and financial issues involved?

What could result is wandering; she might try to leave the house and find the facility, getting lost, possibly getting hurt, and definitely being in jeopardy physically, emotionally and mentally.

Perhaps you could talk to the staff on the physician level and ask them to explain how inappropriate and dangerous for her health this 2 week episode would be.

Not good. Can you stop this? Folks with dementia need familiar surroundings and routine. It's always a big adjustment to move. This is a case of leaving well enough alone.