Dad wants to leave memory care. What do I say and how do I stop feeling guilty?

I know when my father had to go to hospital due to a fall, my mother at that time could no longer handle the dementia outbursts, etc.  We put him into a nursing facility (which was good), sometimes he would ask to come home but I would just tell him that he would have to stay until the doctor said it was okay for him to leave.  Put it in a way that makes it sound it has to be approved by a doctor first.  Then try (which doesn't always work) talk about something else to take it off his mind.  My mother-in-law would say the same thing. we told her the same thing that the doctor had to approve it first.  in time he will forget about asking to go home.

I appreciate all of the words of wisdom. Just to clarify, Dad lived with us for a year and a half and we cared for him. We also cared for my mother, in our home, until she died at home as she wished. We cared for my husband’s mom, in our home, until she died. I cared for my father-in-law, at his home, until he died. We’ve definitely been through it for the past five years. My dad is the last of our parents. Dad wanted to be independent so he bought an RV and lived in that until this recent hallucinating episode. We wanted him to live with us, but we can’t keep him safe because he wanders. He got up one night and drove away unbeknownst to us. He thought it was an eclipse and that’s why it was dark. He sometimes wouldn’t let us into his RV to clean or help. He is in stage 4 dementia according to the doctor. He’s driven to places and then called me to come get him but didn’t know where he was. He got belligerent at a restaurant and tried to fight the wait staff and then the police.
What I’ve taken from all of the responses is to remain positive. Remind myself he’s in a safe environment. He is... the MC has great reviews and the staff is extremely friendly, attentive, and reassuring. Guilt is pointless, but as his daughter, I still feel badly. Thank you for all of the responses.

We are in southern New Mexico, but my dad now has 24/7 care at a handicap accessible apt. for $18/hr. I realize this does not work for everyone’s situation, but it’s been a godsend for us!

The man has obvious dementia and they all will say the same about others - they can't see themselves like that - but he can't come home. He must stay where he is and is safe and cared for. If he starts in again, attempt to change the subject or tell him you are going away for whatever reason or you are doing some project in the house, anything to deflect the issue. He will forget soon enough if he has dementia. Seeing you is what is triggering this. Do not feel guilty - you did what you had to do - you had no choice. And if he has dementia and is unsafe, he should not be living with you.

You don't say how long Dad has been in Memory Care. Is this facility just memory care or an Assisted Living/Memory Care.? Mom didn't like it at first either. It took time for Mom nearly six months total.

I found that not going for a week, at first, helped some. The Aids and staff are very aware of what Dad is going through. They really do understand his fears and why he is doing what he is doing. I learned that This reaction is very Normal. In time he will adjust. Just be sure that he is being included in activities and such. It will make a difference. Get to know the staff at his facility, ask questions, talk about the issues, that will help you to understand and relax with the decisions you have had to make.

Don't feel guilty, you have done the very best for him. He cannot be alone and be safe. Dementia is so horrible and unjust. Keep reading and sharing on this site the things that come up. I found it so very very helpful. And I would suggest finding a therapist for yourself or at least someone (not connected to the issues) to talk with. It will help you. Just keep reassuring him that he really is OK. Try to remember with Dementia he does not remember many many things.

Blessings for you and your Dad.

I was in that situation a year and a half ago. Mom had memory issues but then had a concussion we never knew about but stopped eating, taking her meds, etc. Within a few weeks we had to literally have her removed from her home legally as she was "thinking" rationally knowing she could refuse to leave her house, but not rationally enough to know she wasn't eating or taking her meds. Once in the hospital with meds and getting her to eat, she seemed normal again. Had to go to rehab because she was so weak and lost so much weight. Rehab INSISTED that she needed 24 hours care or AL when she left. We couldn't afford 24, so found great AL -EXCEPT they INSISTED that she needed the Memory Care unit. I didn't agree, but finally acquiesced with my husband and brother believing she needed Memory Care. She hated it and kept asking when she could go home and felt bad for all the "other" residents. I spent many months regretting my decision watching her have dinner with residents who really couldn't carry on conversation. So, I took her down to the pub that was open once a day and she interacted with the other AL residents, and brought her to some of the activities downstairs, etc. It was working out okay - but like you I always felt that she did not belong there.

She eventually started to join in with her Memory Care friends and stopped asking about going home - it took quite a few months. Since then she has fallen and chipped her hip, and fallen a few other times. I am now thankful that she was where she was, where they check on them every hour if she is not out with them and overnight. They DO NOT do this in AL. Plus, they make sure she has her meds, recommend when they think she needs something, and truly treat her like family.

So, within a year, her memory issues have got worse and now I know, even when she seems clear and "normal" that she cannot be anywhere else. Her toileting took a turn for the worse and they were there for her overnight every couple of hours (Her toileting is better now). And although my heart tells me that she would have been better of at first to be in AL, I know now that she is better off where she is and would have had to move within one year, which would have had its on set of issues again.

So, when Covid subsides and indoor activities can begin again, I will take her down again with the general population (who grew to know her and also understand her mental issues and loved her, accepted her, and treated her with respect), and hope that she feels "normal." But I understand that my emotions kept me from understanding what her "normal" was.

I empathize with you and can only offer you my experience. There are residents in the general AL population who should be in Memory Care, and there are those in Memory Care that are more functioning than my mother. But in the end, in the right place, the staff foster a sense of community. It just takes time. My prayers are with you and your dad. When the staff told me my Mom would adjust, I didn't believe them. But, they were there with me every step of the way (and still are), and they were right.

Imho, he is not the one who gets to decide where he will abide. That responsibility is now your's and it is good that he is in the Memory Care facility.

I will say you do have to come to some sort of peace for yourself. My difficulty is I care for mom at home and dad is in memory care. Mom being post stroke 4yrs still has trouble believing he needs to be there and misses him of course.

Transition to MC is never easy, on the LO or the family. To make the transition a bit less difficult make sure he has some of his favorite things around where he can see them. A photo of his wife, a golf trophy, a framed certificate, favorite blanket, any items he had at home that were meaningful. Yes, even that ratty sweater he refuses to part with! Surprisingly a lot of people in MC have a teddy bear or stuffed animal that becomes treasured, and is comforting to them.
And always remember it is ok to fib. A little- less- than -accurate explanation followed quickly with a change of subject often works.
"Sorry, Dad, you can't go home today, the exterminators are coming tomorrow. Let's go see what's blooming in the garden."
As for guilt...the only thing you are guilty of is providing a best case scenario for your father. Nothing to be guilty of there! This is all painful enough, don't add to your burden by piling guilt on top.

You would never be successful in convincing him he is in the best place. And if you did take him to his home, he would still ask to go home. That is just how the brain fails to work with this disease. But if you tell him this is what the doctor advised for now and then change subject, it will work each time he brings it up.

My mother use to say the same thing about the other memory care residents and when the male nurse heard mom say that to us he said, "Oh, she thinks that and she fired me twice already today!" 😁 She thought she worked there and was his boss.

And a few days later she had organized a group of the residents and they were going to throw the large dining table out the huge floor to ceiling window so they could break out of there. That window looked out to the beautiful enclosed garden area that had 2 doors, that were unlocked at all times so they could walk out at anytime to enjoy the garden area. Did Mom think she was thinking right and the others weren't? Yes she did think that.

There are just something's the brain can still handle but others not, on a downward decline.

You just have to know you made the right decision, even though it hurts. He is safe now and hopefully will adjust.

Keep letting him know how much you love him. And how nice he looks so neat and clean, to have meals cooked for him, etc.

Playing calming music or happy music is also nice. A lap pet (robotic) for seniors is wonderful. My husband, in mid stage Alzheimers) loves his furry robotic dog. It's his buddy! Hopefully the home would allow that.

Mom liked it when we took a big cake and ice cream for everyone, so it was a party she was giving. All approved in advance. Don't know with the virus if that can be done now.

DugganB knows. You redirect.

I would say, "Yes, you can come home. We need to get your room ready." Fibbing or outright lying? Yes. Although with dementia, he will feel cared for IN THE MOMENT, and the moment is all he has, over and over again.

(one way/) The way to relieve guilt is to feel through it. Let it speak to you (listen to it), respond to it with loving kindness. The 'trick' is not to push it away or down. You need to let it go through you, with affirmations, as you release it.
Learn to 'couple' the feelings of guilt with compassion. This is what you are doing for and with your Dad, being compassionate. Whenever those guilt feelings (and grief) come up, understand it is grief of the loss - both your loss and his. Practice association other feelings when guilt comes up and the guilt will transform. Important to be with it. Knowing it is a tremendous loss to you and it hurts. I hope this helps.

With dementia-- you redirect. You do NOT answer any irrational statement with a rational statement-- a big waste of time --- you can take him out to eat or better still ring it to him so he will not misbehave in public when he gets beyond the locking front doors. What so many people get wrong is their loved one is NOT THE SAME PERSON they were. And never will be ever again, so get over it and do your duty to be a good POA. And make sure he gets great treatment. If need be, move him to a new facility that is more of a first tier, second tier-- as in from early dementia to rapid decline on the other side of the facility. An excellent example is the Stonebridge ( memory care) in Bedford Indiana-- look that up and notice the food is GORDONS, not the normal cheapo junk. Yes it was good, but too far away for our family who was in Bloomington. BUT we got what we paid for later with very rough end of life hospice poor service. My mother did NOT die well or peaceful. Good luck-- do your homework. Visit all facilities and get a free lunch with the tour. But do not let him be released to am unsafe place with no locking doors and no nurses. In the long run he will come to dismiss where he is living as "normal" -- bring him things to read-- it does not matter if it is read over and over and over.

Interestingly enough, your dad may be right! He may have a diagnosis of dementia but not necessarily need a locked memory care community. **A locked memory care is specifically meant for people who have become a danger to themselves by wandering out of the house or facility without the cognitive ability to protect themselves from the weather and the world's dangers. A locked memory care is usually smaller and easier to navigate for those people who can no longer find their way around unaccompanied.
IF HE ISN'T TRULY READY FOR A LOCKED MC: Keeping him in an environment meant for people with moderate to advanced dementia may deprive him of a chance to form meaningful relationships with other seniors navigating dementia. If he was only recently diagnosed, and hasn't been trying to elope you may have the opportunity to transition into a less restrictive environment where he can meet and interact with other seniors who are more likely to relate to him. It may also lead to hopelessness and depression. If a person is not as advanced as the other residents in the memory care, he may be forced to stare at his eventual decline all day instead of participating in relationships and activities that would be more beneficial. I would suggest a trial transition in a discussion with the Administrator of the memory care. He would hang tight in the memory care for at least 30 days while the transition to a less restrictive environment is tried. Start with taking him to eat a meal with family in the AL environment for a few days, then add having staff bring him into the AL setting for one activity per day and the one meal with family. Have him review and choose activities for the week with you during a visit. If he is able to complete the sequencing necessary to read and chose one activity per day and possibly choose a meal selection as well - he may be able to successfully transition into a less restrictive environment until he truly needs it.
IF HE IS READY FOR A LOCKED MC: Every senior diagnosed with dementia has trouble coping with new situations, as we can all imagine. If you are struggling with retaining short term memory, every face seems new longer and every aspect of the day feels foreign longer. This decreased coping is why I suggested a transition time period above, and I will suggest a transition period in this case. In my experience the first 30-45 days are the absolute toughest on everyone. However, there are some things that can make it easier. First: Much a baby, a senior with dementia reads other people better than you think. Timid Body language, unsure tone of voice and obvious anguish are all signs that we are not safe and have to go! So you have to "fix your persona" at the door. Always appear with the same mannerisms you did in his home. Fake it til you make it! Call his new home the same thing you did when he was at home. If you are on the phone with someone, you would say "I stopped by Daddy's to visit for a minute on my way home" or if talking to your dad - "Dad, would you like to lay down in your bedroom or stay in the livingroom and watch tv a while?". In addition, ask questions about new procedures or even your father's condition in private away from your father. If I learned anything, it is that a person suffering with dementia suffers a long drawn out battle with dignity and self worth. If you can do anything champion his dignity no matter what.

Hello, My dad sounds almost identical to yours. I found him in a similar situation in April. I lived with him for a month as his full time caregiver. He was a lot for me to manage. I moved him to an assisted living in May. He is safe, clean, well nourished and taking his medication. He tells me the same things... complaining, saying he’s getting out soon, etc... I just have to change the subject or say that his the doctor’s decision.
someone posted the memory care facilities are dangerous and get sued all the time. That statement can go for all types of facilities, child care, etc...You can tell if the memory care is a good fit. It’s not hard to check violations and complaint records. I’m not sure where that particular poster lives, but in Texas, in home care for someone with dementia is very expensive... 15,000.00 per month for full-time care with 8 caregivers coming in and out.

When I had to place both my mother in memory care and my father who was not quite at her level but still unable to care for him in another nursing home facility with a locked door so none of the residents would wander off as he would do often it was very hard on me emotionally to visit him. He would proudly walk me around to meet his friends introducing me as his wife which created quite a stir among the men. I would gently correct him and he would snap back into reality and realize his error and it would confirm to me he needed to be there as dementia rarely improves. Hearing him beg me to 'spring him from this joint' was heartbreaking but as time goes on we adult children come to terms with all the difficulties we go through because it is what's best for everyone. Stay the course and your father will gradually adjust to his new life day by day. Bless you!

My mother lives in a Memory Care ALF also, and constantly complains about the 'stupid morons' she has to deal with, and how crazy they are. To emphasize her point, she uses her index finger to make a circle around her ear and rolls her eyes when describing another resident. She's made a nuisance of herself complaining to the staff about the other residents, insisting on getting special treatment when she HERSELF suffers from moderate dementia and is in the same boat THEY'RE in. I personally find it extremely irritating and condescending that she has zero empathy for others, yet expects to be carried around on a throne HERSELF.

When she gets delusional and starts asking about when I'm coming to pick her up, I remind her that she has entirely too many health issues for me to be caring for her at home. I'm simply not qualified, mother. Just her wheelchair alone prohibits me from taking her here to visit, never mind to live.

You can also let your father know that it's 'doctor's orders' that he live where he's at, and that you will speak to his doctor the next time he has a scheduled appointment. But until he gives the okay, dad has to stay where he's safe and cared for properly.

I know it's not 'fun' to hear the complaining and asking to come home, it's really not. In fact, it makes me not want to speak to my mother even more so than usual. But as far as 'guilt' goes, try not to take on that useless and self-inflicted emotion which serves no purpose. Our folks are in a place where they're attended to 24/7 by a caring team of individuals. They're fed, entertained, and catered to, which is more than most folks enjoy in their old age. It's more than I will get to enjoy in my own old age because I won't have the funds to afford an ALF.

Keep reminding Dad he's safe and cared for, that you love him, and will see him as soon as the covid restrictions ease up in his ALF.

Best of luck!

My mom is in a NH. She says there’s too many old people around.

She is lucid but I think that’s funny.

I tell her she has a home to come back to when if she improves. At least she doesn’t have a feeling of permanancy.

Having taken care of my father during his journey with Alzheimer’s I can tell you it’s ok for him to be there. Even if he was home with you at his home he would be asking you to take him home. The home he wants to go to is a home from his past. I moved into my dads home with him, he was always wanting to go home. This became an issue, I had to use a tracker for him that thankfully was a service provided for free in our county. When he was wandering off every chance he got I resorted to putting padlocks on all the gates on the fence, this was after reconfigurations so he ran into fencing wherever he went out of the house. While he was still strong enough he was actually able to push the gates back and forth until the latch twisted enough to let the gate open. This went on until he couldn’t walk far enough to go out of the house and past the point where he couldn’t articulate where he wanted to go, he just wanted out. If permitted perhaps some day trips around your town in the car would help him, or not. The best thing is to call him, visiting him and being his voice to the staff, along with making a great relationship with them. Good feelings towards you from the staff will transfer to him from them. Wishing you the best on your journey with your dad.
To the people who say a MC unit is a risk, so is being at home with you. My dad fell out of his hospital bed and broke his femur a week after it was provided by hospice, this speeded up his death.

My dad had been in MC for almost a year when Covid hit. He’s also on hospice so I got to see him till end of March, then told only EOL visits for hospice. It was a great place when we could visit & take him out each week. After the lockdown, no one was watching anymore. Window visits were allowed, then not, & finally allowed again. His building went from 10 to 3 tenants when I pulled him out. 3 of us took our LO out, the rest died of loneliness and isolation. Tenants had to eat alone in their rooms, stay 6’ away from others (most were HOH), didn’t get any more activities, and were miserable. My dad started giving up and refusing meals or to get up. He told me he always assured me he was ok so he’d not upset me, but in tears he confessed,”This is quite possibly the loneliest place on earth.” I decided then to get him out.
Luckily he can afford 24/7 care in a small 1-BR apt. near us. He’s declining cognitively, but doing so much better in every other way. For us it was the only choice. His CG now focus solely on him and he’s thriving. I pray you will find a solution that will work for your LO.

After 1.5 years in memory care for our mother, we're in exactly the same boat, except we don't let Mom call us because she'd be calling every 5 minutes, and screaming. Before we had to force the memory care, Mom existed on candy and rootbeer. My sis and I are in a support group, and the wise facilitator says, "you should only feel guilty for things you have done on purpose to hurt someone. You've done nothing wrong, by accident or on purpose. But letting go of the guilt is difficult nonetheless. You've done the absolute right thing. Nothing you say can reassure your father because dementia will not allow him to be reassured. Instead, if possible, think of ways to redirect him. There are no set responses because everyone is different but you may be able to somehow explain that he was ill and is in the hospital to get better. At times it works for Mom. If she asks how long she's been where she is, we just tell her it's been a couple days. If he's begging maybe you can say things like "okay Dad, let me work on that for you. It works for about five minutes before she asks again. There are some who say you should never say they're going home soon. I disagree, though others may feel differently. Based on the level of understanding of your Dad, it could actually work. None of this is easy, but you've done the heroic (and I DO MEAN HEROIC) thing by getting him to safety. I've also discovered a mantra for when I start feeling guilty regarding our mother, "She's safe, she's fed, she's secure." It's actually working for me. Hugging you in my thoughts. Take care of you!

My father has dementia. He lives with me. I’ve seen the progression of the disease. It’s not easy. He was a fantastic cook. Now I have to do all the cooking. If I don’t, I discovered he will resort to eating a can of sardines with crackers. So I have to make sure he’s fed. Same thing happened to my mother. At a certain stage, they stop cooking. At a certain stage their taste buds change so they start complaining all the favorites you used to cook them taste horribly. Used to upset me to tears until I stumbled on the research. Now I just remember not to cook that anymore.

He was a sharp dresser. Well groomed. Always smelled nice. Now I have to tell him to shower, and change clothes. Does a horrible job shaving. Sometimes he’ll come out of his room with everything mismatched. Not a bother. Other times his shirt is backwards or inside out. I just point out it out, and we both have a good laugh.

He used to help around the house. It got to the point all I asked him to do is change out the dogs’ water. He could never remember to do that though. Now all he does is put away the washed dishes, then proudly announces he’s cleaned the kitchen.

He needed help sorting his pills. I put them in boxes with the day’s labeled. Now he has trouble tracking even that so I sort things in little cups daily.

It’s hard. I feel alone. His temper can be short when he doesn’t grasp something. It’s frustrating for him. Even more so for me. He’s fallen several times. But overall, he’s happy. I’m happy. We’re both happy. It’s a lot of work, and not everyone can take on the care of a parent.

But I agree with some of the other comments, your father may not need MC, just a helping hand to keep him on course. If you can afford a caretaker, and added responsibility, bring him home. I’ve visited these places. I think this is also one of the reasons I haven’t put him there.

You didn't mention the reason your Dad went to the Hospital?

There's nothing you can say as he doesn't like it where he is. I'm sure it does seem like a Nut House and he's unhappy, scared and lonely.

He shouldn't have to live his last days on earth like this..
Facility's can look very nice but they aren't!
There's no place like his own home.

I doubt he would be better off at a Facility especially at this time with the Covid.

You might let him go back to his old place where he was living and turn off the gas and only have his use a microwave. You can have his groceries delivered.

Install Cameras at his house where you can check on him..

Call his Insurance and see if you can have a Home Health Service go by to help bathe him a couple times a week.

Go by once a week and clean out the old food in his refrigerator.

Purchase easy things for him to fix and eat.

He'll be happier In his own place eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a can of room temp beans then where he is.

Rsthef he's in his own place or living with you, You could use his money to have a Caregiver come a couple hours a day.

Dad's Insurance will pay Home Health to come to your home every week for help with cleaning him up.

They also hVe Day places your Dad could go to then back home or to your house to spend the night.

You need to remember who took care of you when you were a baby til you got married.

It's time to reciprocate.

Minimum, you should take him out and let him come to your home during the Covid!

If you do decide to leave your Dad there, you should at least install cameras in his bedroom.

Praters you really have done all you can and not just what is convenient.

My dad was in a MC and we took him out due to Covid and my mom’s request. We moved them both in with us and have full time aides coming in everyday. The aides are wonderful and consistent. We couldn’t be happier. However, dad still asks to go home - to his childhood home, the home they just left, homes they lived in 60 years ago... I think if he went back to the home they lived in for 45 years he would still ask to “go home”. It was so hard at first. They have been with us 8 weeks. I know we are providing the best care possible in a living, caring environment. Don’t beat yourself up. This truly is part of dementia. Having them move in with us has worked out for us. But it isn’t for everyone or for everyone’s situation. Is your dad safe, healthy, and well taken care of in the MC facility? Then that is the best place for him. As with children we have to protect them from themselves and keep them from harm. The MC facility is doing that for your dad. We are able to do that for my dad. It isn’t easy - either situation. But we do the best we can for our LO.

He is NOT better off in a memory care facility--they fall, get over-medicated, and even get bedsores or become victims of abuse--happens all the time in those facilities, but agreed he not safe alone at home either.

Too bad he can't live with you.

Are you able to facetime with him? Does he know he is not well and needs to be there to be cared for? It's a strange environment but I hope he is getting good care. Speak often to the staff. Definitely he could not remain at his hone alone. My father hated rehab (85) and complained it was loud, staff were rough and he could not sleep. Is your dad on any meds for his dementia? Could he possibly be at home with in home care? Just throwing out ideas. My dad was bedridden but was so much happier at home and family was able to visit a few at a time. May be cheaper than memory care. I used Concierage Home Care for daytime if that helps and private sitters in evening and night from church.

I am so sorry..My story is the same. Mom, 86, did all your dad has done..She even lost 20# from throwing food away..kept spoiled food in cupboards...She was transferred from the hospital to a wonderful memory care unit the end of April. She has regained her lost weight...looks so clean..Smiles more often, and is safe. She still at times asks “when can I go home? The people are crazy here”. At times she cries. This is all part of dementia. I kept telling her about Covid...then slowly when she had some clear minutes I told her gently...she had not been safe alone. She just this past week asked me “can we afford this? Can I stay here?. I reassured her that she can afford the new place. I finally am seeing some acceptance. My counselor told me “you are not responsible for your moms happiness..you are responsible to keep her safe, comfortable and well fed. That helps Me on my moms sad days..Stay strong..this is best for your Dad...

Can you hire a live-in caregiver to look after him? It cannot be more than Memory Care.

MCs love to tout activities, socialization, cleanliness, and nutritious meals. When you are old and losing your memory, you want familiarity and home is where they know (an irony that MCs don’t like to talk about). Activities also become hard them because they get tired easily and cannot follow directions. So, they end up staying in their rooms watching TV or sleeping or staring at the walls. Fortunately, they can do all of these things in their homes - with a caregiver who can cook and clean after them.

I personally would not want to live in Memory Care. JMHO.

You got it!

Your father sounds like the situation we had with my mother. We put her in memory care too at facility recommendation but she was too high functioning for that facility and the residents scared her. AL would have been a better fit. We shopped around and found what they call in Illinois “sheltered care” which was perfect. Your father might have dementia but not ready for this level of MC. If facility is not connected to AL, check out other facilities with both levels. He might benefit from being re evaluated. Don’t be afraid to move him either. He will adjust especially if there are more people like him.

Say “Let’s see what the doctor says”, “The exterminator said we had to try at least 2 more treatments”, “they haven’t finished paving the street yet” and so on.

You really can’t “reassure him” because his desire to “go home” is happening because his brain is no longer able to assess and use facts to deal with his feelings and needs.

The sadness in this is overwhelming. I’ve cared for two generations of a loving, crazy, hardworking, wonderful family, and now with the last living relative. Hearing her literally crying for her mother (my grandmother) would cause waves of sorrow for all of them that I didn’t realize were even still after 50 years there.

But MANY caregivers deal with this particular symptom, and out of your love for your dad, you will too.

So in short, say whatever occurs to you in the moment that he asks, that maybe a comfort to him. He won’t remember, so he won’t hold it against you.

I haven!t seen my Oldest and Dearest since March 11. She has survived Covid (at 91!) and will be having her 92 birthday in a few weeks, and we won’t be together for it. Life is very hard just recently for all of us.