My dad has only 1 caregiver. She's been with him 29 yrs. She works 7 days a week! He will NOT let anyone else come in to give her a break. She originally was his housekeeper. She is so devoted that she has undertaken all of his needs--she showers him, cuts his hair, shaves him, clips his nails, makes his food, oversees his medication, keeps the house clean. She's superhuman. The problem--shes working 7 days a week. She needs a break. In addition, a few times a year she needs to leave for 2 weeks to visit her family. My Dad refuses to let anyone else care for him. The couple of aides we have tried have quit, due to his abusive behavior. I am unwilling and unable to fill his caregiver's shoes. We must have backup but how to convince him?
What does she say? Does she have any relatives (niece, etc.) that could maybe be options (so that he is "helping" her relative). She has to be truely onboard with it too, of course. Maybe a Dr.s note for her that she needs a day off per week for her health (she can't be under 50, right?).
Has anyone made sure that this saint will be cared for after your Dad dies? She's basically spent her entire career caring for him.
Find the firmest male nurse that won't put up with his BS, and just tell him that you don't EXPECT him to be happy, but for 2 weeks a year he can be civil and just deal with it (then of course as long as the caregiver will put up with the abuse you ignore the tantrums). Is there a reason he can't be alone for any period of time? Would a cash penalty if the caregiver leaves deter him--ie if the pre-arranged one leaves because he's mean he has to pay 2x as much to hire one from an agency on an emergency basis...I'm sure you can find moe expensive options to threaten him with. Sometimes money is a heck of a motivator.