I live with a 74 year old my mother who is so OCD she follows us around the house making sure we clean our messes. She is constantly telling me how lazy I am after working 9 hour day. She is always criticizing me about my health my weight and everything we do from finances to my life.
I feel for both of you especially if she really does have it! Is your mom on any anti-anxiety medication? The reason I ask is because OCD has been known to be related to anxiety.
A good place to start for more information is to Google: Mayo Clinic OCD - their website has a lot of helpful information (also, one I trust) as to an overview of what it is, symptoms and causes and then diagnosis and treatment options. Howard Hughes even had it after his near fatal plane crash in July 1946 (my husband and I had just rented the movie about him starring Leonardo DiCaprio who did a great job with the OCD aspect of it).
I would imagine for many, the pandemic has made it ten times worse than it was prior to the virus.
We have a family friend whose ex-daughter in law had it. She's an ex because of the disorder - it interfered severely with her otherwise good marriage but, her husband couldn't handle it anymore. He now lives on his own with the children and is so much happier.
The best thing to do right now, is to educate yourself and determine if she really has OCD or is just a perfectionist as there is a huge difference! Due to the fact she is so critical, I'm wondering if it isn't just perfectionism to the Nth degree masking what appears to be OCD. Good luck and hang in there!
Does your mother’s medical caregiver know of the effects of her anxiety? Is she taking any sort of mood stabilizer now?
It is very difficult to be able to maintain your own mental balance without the ability to distance yourself from her, both physically AND in your person to person contact with her. Do you have any arrangements for real respite time for yourself and for others who serve as caregivers for her?
It took me I would say until my daughter was 45 to get it fully that she is not my little girl, but is a woman full grown. A woman who is different than me, but who is absolutely resilient, charming, full of wisdom and courage all her own. Mom/daughter relationships aren't easy. We expect so much more than we do of our best friends. When we see one another as full human beings full of wonder and full of limitations, that is the beginning of something special.
OCD will drive others nuts. We have our place, can put our fingers on anything lost, keep a neat house. But it is good when we actually teach ourselves that the world doesn't end when the bed is made late.
Good luck. I , ha ha, want to say THIS IS HOPELESS, but I don't want to rob you of hope!