I moved in with dad after my mom died, because he did not want to be alone. He had a stroke 10 years ago and I took care of him daily, during his steady decline with alzheimer's. He passed 3 weeks ago and now the 2 brothers who were never there to help with his care are there to clean out his room, take what they want, and the push is on to sell the house. The house is to be divided "equally" 3 ways. The care was never divided equally. I don't know where I am going to go, I don't think I can afford to buy them out and the house needs a lot of work. I just feel so alone and I miss my dad even though he was so nasty and hard to care for, now that he is gone there is such a void in my life, and now I have to move. Please pray I get through this. Thanks for all who write and we all help each otherl
Chances are your brothers justify their position based on the will - but even more so - using the “you lived their all that time at little or no cost to yourself”. Never taking into consideration that the fact is - there is in all likelihood, the fact there is a house to inherit is only due to you having cared for your father at home and saved your father - and therefore them - the tremendous costs of facility living.
But unfortunately- things are what they are. Compensation should have been arranged for you during the time you were providing care. After the fact is too late.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you - we see it time after time here on this forum. The caregiving child being left literally broke and homeless.
I hope others reading this thread who find themselves in similar circumstances- but active in that role, prior to the parents death - will learn from you situation and take steps to protect themselves and their future.
As for the house, did Dad have a Will where it is written that the house will be divided three ways? I know it doesn't seem fair since you were the one and only caregiver for your Dad and your two brothers were missing in action.
Sometimes generational thinking comes into play. You are the daughter, thus it is your responsibility to take care of your parents. The boys can't because they have families to raise. I know, very old fashion way of thinking. Hopefully more modern generations will say the care should be equality divided.
Contact your County or City Probate Court to see if you have to place Dad's Will [or if there is no Will, his Estate] into Probate. If there is no Will, then it is up to the Probate Judge to divide the property as per State law.... you can let the Judge know you had been caring for your Dad, in his home, for numerous years. I don't know if that would make a difference on the out come or not, but worth a try. I would ask the Court if the house can be sold now, or does one have to wait until after Probate. Probate can take time.
I do pray that you get through all that you are going through and I'm so sorry you lost your Father.Ten years of being his caregiver is a long time.I know you must miss him just being there with you.Please take good care of yourself now.
You should go see a elder law attorney and ask if there's anything that can be done at this point. Unfortunately this seems to be a common thing. So a lawyer should be able to tell you right off the bat.
To people who are the sole and only caregiver and your parents are still in a sound mind. You need to have a heart to heart with them right how and go see an attorney and make it right.
My deepest condolences and sympathies. I am very sorry for your loss. I know this is an extremely difficult time. Are you able to talk to your brothers? Tell them honestly, look I was here for 10 years to care for dad and see if they are willing to forgo selling the house for a while longer or perhaps give you a bigger share. I know no one wants to talk about money, but in this case you have already sacrificed a lot. I hope something can be worked out. Thinking of you.