He has it in his brain that she wants to commit suicide. He handed her a knife once and pills another time. We are concerned about her safety. When she came home, he thought she wasn’t as sick as she was and tried to walk her into the den and she fell to the floor! He changes constantly; When we tell him what he’s done he doesn’t remember and will start smacking himself in the forehead. He is currently in the VA hospital has been there for a week. Psychiatrists are evaluating him and say it’ll only get worse. We’re concerned about the money in the bank that was being saved for inheritance for the four kids. Since Medicaid checks your bank account for the last five years, I was told they will take it. Mom still needs prescriptions here at home, house payments, electricity and all that stuff, and food. Her son and her great granddaughter live with her also.
First, I would not allow Dad to return home. He is a threat to your Mother. Ask to see if he can be transferred to a VA nursing facility.
Consult with a lawyer well versed in Medicaid. If Dad is in a facility then Mom would become the Community Spouse. As such, the martial assets can be split. Dads half will need to be spent down on his care and then Medicaid can be applied for. Your Mom will be able to pay her bills. She will not be made impoverished. She will be able to stay in the home. You need to understand what you can and can't do if Medicaid is ever needed.
Medicaid does not "take" anything. But those seeking help with paying for LTC facility need to spend what they have before Medicaid will pay. Medicaid is a program for those people who have no money. Whatever you do have needs to go for your care. That includes SS and any pension you receive. Medicaid pays their share and they expect the recipient to pay theirs. They don't count a house in the assets but if there is no one residing in it or someone willing to pay the upkeep and bills, then u may as well sell it, at Market Value, and use the proceeds for the persons care.
Medicaid, in most states, does not pay for ALs or MCs. These are private pay. In my State they may pay if you have at least paid 2 yrs privately and that depends on if the facility takes Medicaid and if they do if they have met their quota of medicaid rooms. ALs can go from 5k a month up. Doubt if Dad gets that kind of SS. In some places there are Board and Care that may take just the SS. Since we have none where I live, not sure how that works. There are members who have a LO in a B&C so maybe they will chime in.
Where do people think all this money comes from, taxpayers that is who pays the bills if you are unethical enough to hide your assets.
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/veterans-eligibility-va-nursing-home-care.html#:~:text=In%20some%20cases%2C%20the%20VA,cost%20of%20the%20veteran's%20care.
I am glad that you are taking advantage of the VA services. You could continue to look into utilizing more VA services. They have senior homes. I know a few people who have been satisfied living in VA homes. They loved living among others who served. There is common ground.
Speak to a social worker at the hospital for advice regarding future care. Speak to the VA about any possible benefits. Keep reaching out.
Assisted living is not cheap and you will have to pay for it. It’s hard to pay for everything on a limited budget.
I understand that your mom needs income to live. As far as inheritance, that’s another story. You are not entitled to an inheritance.
Ask yourself what your priorities are, your father’s care or an inheritance for his children?
His bank account is filled with his money that he earned. What if you were in your father’s shoes? How would you want the money to be spent?
I think your dad’s money should be used towards his care.
Adult children should be responsible for their own lives and not depend on their parent’s income or expect others to pay for their father’s care.
Life doesn’t offer any free rides. There are benefits in certain situations, even with those you must qualify. There are stipulations that apply.
It’s nice if there are no health conditions and money can be passed down but life doesn’t always work out that way.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Don't take the money, either, that will get you in legal trouble. It is called financial exploitation of a vulnerable person.
Article on the VA criteria on income/asset eligibility.