Does dementia make a person seem as if they are faking their illness?

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Does dementia make a person seem as if they are faking their illness?

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Some days mom seems as if she is herself and some days I don’t know how she can do much more. Around me she is helpless, can’t think, memory is bad then an aide will come and she can fake it while they are there.
She uses potty chair when it’s bm time and walks to bathroom to urinate. I can’t help but feel she likes me emptying that yuck. I am confused to her care.
I know she has dementia but the games confuse me. She can’t answer a phone call but she has learned how to FaceTime. She can’t do anything normal unless someone is visiting. Then she is almost like her old self. Should I just do my job as her caretaker and not care? Is that the secret? Do my job and keep keeping on? I know I’m tired, I just don’t want to mess up the last time with my mom. I am rambling so forgive me. I want to be a good daughter.
Thanks for listening.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Anosognosia Family Caregiver

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Your mother is exhibiting a behavior pattern commonly known as "showtiming." It's part of the disease of dementia.

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With my mom I feel like there are a lot of deciding factors that play into her actions. If it's late in the day or if we are out of her AL apartment it adds to her confusion of course. She will have moments when she will say something like "when are we filing my taxes" and then she will ask whose house we're at. She still makes smart little comments though... we were having lunch and she literally does not know how to eat a sandwich...she was picking it up oddly and instead of taking a bite from the edge of the sandwich she was biting the top and just getting a mouth full of bread. I suggested that she try to bite from the side and she said "you do you and I'll do me". It does bother me when she has a lucid moment in front of her seldom visiting siblings and then they look at me like what's the problem..she seems fine. Little do they know she doesn't even know their names. It is a frustrating disease and it just goes on and on and on. I feel like I have aged substantially since taking her on. Just try to get through it Patticake.

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Thank you so much for that answer!

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Dementia can be very difficult to understand because it isn't logical.

My mother has had dementia for six years, and few people outside our family knew it. She put on what I called her "company manners" when people other than my dad or I was around and seemed to function very well other than being hard of hearing.

She was so convincing that she told a visitor that she'd remarried just four months after my father's death(!), and he trotted off and reported it to the newsletter editor of a club my dad had belonged to. The next thing I knew, there was an article congratulating Mom on her marriage with details about her wedding! The whole town knew within 24 hours.😳 The rest of us were still grieving the loss of my dad, and we found out we had an imaginary stepfather! I shut that one down fast.

Mom sounds pretty frail, so she should be encouraged to use the commode (with assistance) all the time. She's probably trying to use the toilet when she can because knows that's what she's *supposed* to do, not because she's messing with you. My mom tried that, too, and ended up falling and splitting her head open on the bedside table.

Consider, too, having her use a wheelchair at all times she's out of bed just to avoid falls.

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As far as I think this is new behavior. Maybe I am the one that has changed. Maybe she hasn’t changed even in her dementia, but I am changing as I get older and tired. Maybe if I wasn’t the caregiver I might still see her as this precious, sweet little old lady. I wrote a poem one time when I was teenager. Maybe I need to read it again and remind myself of the mother I want to take care of.
Each answer has helped and I truly thank you all for answering me.

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If mom is only the sweetest little thing for others and you know a different version, then she could be faking and game playing, not just Showtiming. My mother has been difficult all of her life....the dementia has only made it worse. She can still manipulate like nobody's business....its not impossible at ALL for some people. If your mother only needs a commode for a BM then she doesn't really "need" one at all. In my book, she either uses it all the time or not at all. If she can't answer a phone but can FaceTime, something stinks like fish.
The question is, has your mom been a gamer and manipulator all along or is this behavior brand new? Because if she's been this way all along, and if the dementia isnt TOO advanced, then she can be playing around. I've been dealing with the same nonsense for years. Others will disagree, it's the internet after all, but I'm here to tell you it is possible. And Exhausted Piper has a mother like mine and will agree.
If this behavior is brand new entirely, then chalk it off to dementia and Showtiming, which they're quite good at, especially when seeing the doctor.

Best of luck

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The reason there is a potty chair is because she is weak (70 some pounds and mostly in bed) and she has gone down to the floor instead of falling. I would rather her use that than to break something in a fall. The nurse and aides have told her to use it all the time.
My confusion is why the bm and not the other? Oh, yes my mom is thought of as the sweetest little thing. It is the dementia that brings out anything else I pray.
Thank you for your input. Talking on this site helps so very much. I may not understand what’s going on with mom, but I sure know this website helps me hang in there and comforts me in this journey.

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I am wondering if your mother has to sit much, much longer to use her bowels than she does her bladder. In which case maybe she is feeling more secure in a chair than on a toilet. A few years before she went into care my mother had wall bars installed to help steady herself on the toilet. Might be worthwhile if this does in fact end up being the case.

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Your mother is doing what we call “showtiming “ and it’s common among people who suffer with dementia. She is not faking it or playing games. This is the disease. People at my mom’s facility thought she was just the sweetest little old lady but with me she could be accusatory and pure D nasty. It was almost like she knew she could be herself around me and all the behaviors of dementia came out.

Caregiving is an experience where you are constantly learning and adjusting. Doing distasteful tasks like emptying toilet pots or changing adult briefs is unfortunately a part of it. If it bothers you, put toilet paper over it and/or get a paper mask to wear.

Encourage Mom to try to do tasks for herself; don’t rush in to do them for her. It worked for me and my mom.

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I don't know Ahmijoy, I think a lot of showtiming is deliberate. In my (limited) experience so far if I pay attention I can tell when my mom is on a mental defense mechanism loop, or if her actions are deliberate. Seems to me in mid stage dementia it can be a mixed bag of both.

Patti's mom can walk to the bathroom to urinate but does a BM in the potty chair? And this daughter has a gut instinct the mother wants her to clean the BM. If that were me, the potty chair would go.

Patti, why does she need a potty chair if she can walk to the bathroom?

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Does dementia make a person seem as if they are faking their illness?

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