Hi all,
I've got a grandmother, roughly late 70s staying with my family. The thing is, she's not interested in doing much of anything. Not reading books, not watching TV, nothing. She has no friends and doesn't express any desire / make any attempt to get friends. In case you're wondering, my grandfather already passed away quite some time ago.
I've read some other posts about their elderly parent/grandparent sitting around doing nothing, but those posts at least mentioned that the 'doing nothing' involves reading books, newspapers or TV . That's not the case here. My grandmother just does nothing. It's not a complaint that I have. It's just, I sometimes feel very sad for her when I just see her sitting on the couch staring into nothingness everyday, just only passing through the motions of eating, bathing and sleeping. It's been like this for 4-5 years already. Everyday, the same life for her. I can't imagine living that sort of life, it would drive me insane. Have any of you all seen this type of behaviour before? Is it normal and if it isn't, do y'all have any ideas of how to help my grandmother out?
One component of depression is an inability to initiate action. The person knows they should go to church, but cannot get off the couch and get out the door. Often the depressed person will take action in company with others. Can you get her to take a walk around the yard or around the block with you? Ride in the car for a quick drive thru trip? Can you and other family members sit with her on or around the couch and watch a good older movie? (Disney+ has some good old comedies.) Ask her to help with meal prep (my Mom likes to peel and dice fruit and veggies)? Setting the table? Folding laundry? Any little thing you can do to pull her even briefly into the life of the household. Activity and the feeling of being useful or needed can help lift depression.
If there's a senior center or adult day care program available in your area, make every effort to get her there, even if you have to go with her the first few times. The socialization opportunities and activities at the center can make a big difference in your grandmother's quality of life.
Please just remember you are not responsible for your grandmother's happiness. You can help provide her opportunities to find moments of joy, contentment and maybe even happiness, but she must also being willing to reach for them. Also remember you are at a different stage of life than your grandmother. Like you I cannot imagine a life with some stimulation to pass the time; not only can I not imagine having the opportunity to read a book and not taking it, I cannot even imagine _ever_ reading all the books I am interested in reading! But my mother, the woman who created that life long love of books, now spends an hour or two just looking out the window. She tells me she is remembering working the farm with her older brother or visiting her grandmother's house and playing with her cousins. Most of the time the people in those memories are dead. At 87, my mother is in the one percent survivors club. She enjoys remembering and talking about the people who were important in her life decades ago. I remember visiting other older relatives and how animated they would become talking about gatherings or experiences from their younger years too. I think maybe this is just a part of aging.
Others are different. I had an Aunt much like your grandmother. Once I asked her if she was sad and she said she was not. Have you asked? It is an honest question. My Aunt said she enjoyed sitting by the window, watching the birds at the feeder at the assisted living, and thinking of her entire life, her husband, the homes they had, the dogs, the trips they took and etc. That is to say she was content.
You Aunt could easily live another decade or two. Time to ask her. Are you "content". Do you miss your husband? Have you any interest in reading or listening to pod casts? In learning how to use a computer? Is there anything I can do to make your life better? You sometimes seem sad to me, but perhaps I am not seeing it right. Speak to them. They can listen and respond. Believe what they say. Go from there.