In April we brought my almost-90 year old mother to live with us and our 11-year old son. She has her own space but not a full kitchen. She wants to help me all the time, with cooking, etc. She is very slow and, when I do accept her help, ends up doing things her way instead of the way I have asked. I have asked her to wait until I ask for help but she cannot stop herself. She is very active with her church and still drives. I am thinking we need to go to a therapist or I need to tell her I'm just not going to answer her when she offers help.
I tried to picture your mom, and came up with Bree from "Desperate Housewives." Give her an inch, she'll take a mile; including your house. Of course you don't want to offend her and/or hurt her feelings, but it's your house and she's your guest.
My mother, whenever she comes by my apartment and I happen to be cooking, will immediately start to supervise and make comments. "I'd do it like this," "That's not the way I taught you," "I hope you're not serving that," blah, blah, blah. ... I put the cooking on hold, serve her coffee, crackers and cheese, and put her in a taxi 1 1/2 hours later. Her way of trying to help is actually a way to take over, and that kind of stress is NOT an option for me. So every now and then I have to review the boundaries and code of conduct while at MY house.
My fiancee refers to her as "Ms. Buttinsky" every time she intrudes on our most intimate conversations, whether it's on the phone or in the privacy of our bedroom. She also curses like a Puerto Rican sailor (a pirate is more like it) and, with a PhD in child abuse, insists on corporal punishment as a cure-all for my grandchildren's "bad" behaviors. (She once suggested I line them all up and shoot the first one that moves, so there's no way in Hades she'll get to babysit in this lifetime, next one, or the one after that.)
To be honest, I'm glad my parents divorced and I went to live in Manaus (Brazil) with my dad and his parents. Otherwise, I'd have been dead, in jail for murder, or strung out on drugs and living on a park bench instead of Park Avenue. She's quite a handful, and I have to keep her in check or show her the door when her behavior begins to erode my peace. But she's beginning to develop internal boundaries when browsing through my domain. Eventually she'll know what types of behavior I consider acceptable.
-- ED
my mother in law would put pots and pans in my clothes closet in my bdrm !! i was floored and alot ofthe stuff i dont know where it went cuz she puts them to an odd places .
at least she dont live with me so i know the frustations and anger builds up inside of ya , my mother in law would take her socks off her feet and wipe downmy kitchen table , i was glad i stood there and seen that ! told her to go put her socks away and i wash down the table good with soap and rag !
but i shake it off and knowing she cant help it .
she comes here once a great while and honest i dontthink i could deal with that everyday .
but then i remind myself at least shes not spittin at you or kickin ya . break ur heart .....
-- Sheri
I have suggested she continue unpacking all the boxes she brought over here when she failed to weed her possessions after selling her house, but she hangs her head, doesn't act, and continues to offer to help me.
just give her something simple chores to do . maybe laundry ??
my mother in law did the same thing to me , i was makin homemade noodles and she came in and messed eveything up . i had to go out in the barn and grab me a beer to calm down ,. my husband said oh hun im so sorry .
we end up havin a all diifrent shapes of noodles for supper .
im just glad i dont have to take care of her . just my dad and he just sits in recliner watching tv . whew !