Exposure to my mother's secondhand smoke!!!
I REALLY need your help!! My mother, who is now 95 years old, and in perfect mental capacity, is a longtime smoker. She lives in her own home, and orders her cigarettes via the internet. She's mobile enough to receive the FedEx delivery at the door! I am an only child, and live very, VERY close by! I go over every day to do all sorts of things in the house, the shopping, the laundry, the cleaning, taking out the trash, bringing in the mail, handling the commode, watering the plants, etc., etc., etc.......everything you can think of! I bring her dinner every night, either something that my husband and I have, or something that I cook especially for her. We have no other family within 500 miles! Of course, I drive her, in her own car, wherever she needs to go: doctors, dentist, etc., etc. When we are in her house, I never go into the room she is smoking in, but I can still smell it. With that background, let me present the specific issue: She smokes in the car, but never on the way to the doctors (she doesn't want them to smell the cigarette smoke on her, although they all know she smokes). But when leaving the doctor's office, she immediately lights up, and IT IS VERY UPSETTING TO ME! Of course, I open the window, but I'm still exposed to her secondhand smoke, and I'm REALLY WORRIED about that! We've talked about it, but to no avail. Last week, we had a TERRIBLE argument about the issue, and I am VERY SAD. More than that, I am quite angry. I asked her nicely to please wait until we arrived back at her house before having her cigarette, but she wouldn't do it. I asked her to smoke before we started out on the road (no more than a 30 minute ride), and I would wait outside the car until she finished. No, she wouldn't do that either. I offered to pull over and let her smoke, again while I waited outside. No dice! I cannot think of any other solution, other than to continue to let her treat me this way. I am really in terrible pain about this, and it is changing my feelings for my mother, something that I NEVER......NEVER in a million years, thought would happen. I've asked her nicely, and I've also become angry with her about the issue. I know that the latter will not help the situation, but I couldn't help it. I don't know what the solution might be, and I'm praying that someone out there can give me some guidance. I will NEVER, EVER abandon my mother, because I am her sole caregiver, but this is becoming quite serious, and I don't want her final days/years (or mine) to be marred by this problem. PLEASE HELP!!
You need to set some boundaries with her and enforce them.
My father died from second hand smoke, lung cancer, his wife refused to quit, she also died from a lung related disease.
She still sees you as a child who is trying to tell her mother what to do.
It's okay for her not to smoke on her way to the doctor's office because God forbid the doctor smell smoke on her (oh please!), but it's not okay for her to wait 30 minutes to light up for YOUR sake? Come on
You know what, mother? Call a cab next time you need a ride. If she has zero respect for you, why are you jumping through fiery hoops to accommodate someone like that, regardless of who she is? Respect is a two way street, in my world.
Leave the number for the cab company on her fridge & wish her the best of luck. Tell her to call you when she's ready to treat you with the respect you deserve.
I know I will get flack here. I am not a smoker but I feel those that do feel entitled even with all the info out there. So, you may have to find another person to drive her.
3 years ago my son took me to a vape shop & after a few months of trying different flavors I found one I liked.
Even when I did smoke I didn’t like the smell of it in a car or on peoples clothes. When I used to smoke I always cracked open the windows of the car to let the smoke out.
My Dad used to smoke cigars which I really don’t like but I enjoyed the time I spent with him & would just crack all the windows open. I never would have been able to tell him not to smoke in my car.
Some smokers are considerate and will refrain from smoking. Most smokers are looking for their next fix. Nicotine is addictive. Hard core versus social smokers are simply hooked.
nonsmokers dont have to be so uppity imo . my oldest son lives in what amounts to a dog kennel but he wouldnt think of having to suffer the smell of tobacco in his house .
yea , dog shat is so much more bearable ..
George Burns smoked inexpensive cigars daily and lived to be 100!
Hahaha, he balanced it out with a bowl of soup everyday for lunch.
So many people smoked years ago. It just became a part of their everyday life. I remember as a kid when people smoked in stores, banks, restaurants, airplanes, hospitals, anywhere!
Remember all of the old movie stars smoked, television stars too, Lucy and Ricky, even Andy Griffith smoked. I used to love seeing the ladies fancy cigarette holders, cigarette lighters and fancy cigarette cases. No Bic lighters back then!
Then people found out about cigarettes negatively effecting our health. Smoking was banned in many places and lots of people quit.
For the house get a smokeless ashtray, they draw the smoke in and an air purifier. These will help with the 2nd hand smoke. You can buy candles that kill the odor and light those so the house doesn't smell like an ashtray.
She is not going to change, you have to do what you can to not breathe the smoke because it bothers you.
So next time, pull over and say we'll get back in motion when you have finished. Pull over every time.
When you go to her home, wear a good mask from the hardware store. Stop going over so often to help. Look into hiring someone with her money to do most of what you do there, and you may want to tell cleaners/helpers that she smokes as they maybe want to wear a mask, too.
Get some smokeless ashtrays for home and car, too. Look to get air purifier/s and/or dehumidifier/s with easy throw away filters that aren't too expensive and that specifically get rid of smoke and smells.
Tell her, don’t ask, say that you will not allow her to light up. If she can’t wait until she gets home then call an Uber or taxi for her to get home.
One legal place where I don't smoke? MY car. Sometimes I need to drive my FIL and other sensitive people around, and a smokey car just won't cut it.
You have *every* right to ask her not to light up while you're in the car with her - even though it's her car. Even when I had "smoking cars," I would refrain from smoking while driving certain folks, both before and after picking them up. (I'd clean out the ashtray, and drive over to them with windows down.)
That said ... after doctor visits, is there a way she can grab a smoke BEFORE you get back in the car? A way that works for *both* of you?
Your mother can't force you to continue driving while she smokes, can she? So don't.
Don't plead, don't get angry, don't argue. Just do what you would do if some person you didn't know were so rude and inconsiderate as to smoke in a confined space.
But I'm curious - if your mother is 95 and you have been her sole caregiver for a long time, and she's smoked throughout, why has this only now become such a contentious issue for you? Has your own health taken a turn for a worse, or have you changed your own lifestyle, has anything made you less willing to tolerate her antisocial habit?
Masks may filter out some particulate matter but not the fine micro particles most responsible for damaging the lungs.
Smoke bothers everyone, whether you realize it or not. Lung function testing has shown everyone has some drop in lung capacity immediately following smoke exposure, even smokers. How long and how great an impact depends primarily on lung health prior to exposure.