My Father recently died and my Mother has become very paranoid, she is accusing people of stealing things and breaking into her home. Then when things are found she says that someone brought things back to make it seem like she is losing her mind. Now she is says that someone is trying to kill her. We had a security system installed but it seems to be making things worse instead of better. Any suggestions.
Has she had any medication changes? Meds can cause the symptoms you describe. Could she possibly have a urinary tract infection? With the elderly, UTIs can cause those symptoms as well.
Tell her doctor about these symptoms. It's very possible he can prescribe something that will help calm her.
The paranoia may be a part of her grief, but it sounds more like dementia with the little bit of information that we have here. My mother went through a phase where she thought that her jewelry was missing, then her gun, then other things. Unfortunately this paranoia was supported by the fact that a "caregiver" stole from us - clothing, a lamp, some flower bulbs and we don't even know what else. It seems that this has settled down now and she is content although nothing has changed. Also check her meds. I like the idea of adult day care. My mother's garden keeps her occupied and not dwelling on her "stuff".
When did he die?
The loss of a life partner can have serious and sometimes strange impacts. I felt a little crazy for several months after my husband died. So SOME of this may be the result of grief.
Your profile says your mother suffers depression. Was this diagnosed long before your father's death? Is she being treated for it? This may be a very good time to get back in touch with her doctor, and to see about dose adjustments and/or talk therapy.
Another possibility is that paranoia of this type is associated with several kinds of dementia. That is not the only explanation, but it is a possibility.
I think I'd start with the doctor who is treating her depression, especially if he or she is a geriatrician or a psychiatrist. If she doesn't currently have a doctor treating depression and doesn't have a close tie to her primary care physician, I'd consider connecting up with a geriatrician. In any case, a complete physical exam and evaluation is in order.
She has a medical problem, and she needs medical treatment.
Meanwhile, try the very challenging balancing act of acknowledging her feelings without buying into her theories. "Oh Mom, I am so sorry that your watch is missing! I remember when you got that. You must be feeling really bad that it isn't here. Let me help you look for it more thoroughly. Maybe together we can find it."
Best wishes to you in finding good treatment.