Each month's statement and cancelled checks are like a little diary/snapshot of her life after my Dad died, but before she moved away from their home to be closer to us-a half a continent away. I am having a hard time trashing them. I have no one to reminisce with about my Mom except a cousin who had moved away at that point. Some checks were writen as birthday/christmas gifts to myself or my husband. Many to church and some to subscribe to her favorite magazines. All little reminders of her life before the decline of old age.
I used to take her shopping and I would quietly tell the people in line behind us that she was going to be a while and maybe they'd want to use another line.
Mom balanced her checkbook to the penny every single month.
I'm pretty sure my kids don't know how to write checks!
And yes, looking at her checkbook was kind of like reading her diary.
As a way to come back close to the ones we lost.
When my brother died I spent a year writing him the long letters we always exchanged whenever we were not living in the same city throughout our long lives. I told him all I saw, the times I thought of him, how his ex-partner was doing, who won the elections, what kimono I sewed, what flies I tied, and so on. I decorated these books of letters and photos with collage. It was so peaceful for me and such a zen. Made me feel close again.
I can so identify with what you say.
In those last years of doing the checkbook alone, MIL had sent checks to a variety of organizations that asked for money. She didn't send anyone more than $5.00, but it looked like everyone who asked received a donation. She had an extensive collection of address stickers. I found it all rather endearing, her husband would have had a fit if he had known.
I’m sitting with you and those checkbooks, supporting you and wishing you the best.