I do not know where and if there is any legal help. My sisters and I are very concerned about my father accounts. My mom was very sick and died and it took my dad 6 years to start dating. My parents worked so hard and held great high end positions at companies and built a very nice house for retirement, but my mom never made it to really enjoy it. My dad was introduced to this woman about 4 years ago and they are now married for 3 years. She is 10 years younger than my father. At first my sister and I felt so happy for my father, finding love and settling down. About a year ago, my dad's health is going down hill. He is now confined to a wheelchair and when I go over to his house, she puts him in front of the tv and serve him food on a tray and moves him when he needs to go to the bathroom. I have to make an appt to go and see my dad. About 3 years ago, her son (recently divorced) and girlfriend came to visit from out of state due to him losing his job. They never left and it was just a visit which turned into a permanent housing for them living off of my biological parents income and assets. My stepmom is paying for her son's child support which is 1800.00 a month, buying a lot of Amazon’s items, eating out every night, restaurant knows them by name, ordering hello fresh deliveries, house is dirty with dog hair everywhere. They moved their 2 dogs into the house. Now I heard they are looking for a house keeper to clean the house. Are you serious?? What are they doing to help?? The son is 50 years old and took classes for online school and so is her girlfriend on my dad's expense. Since they moved in he never looked for a job and that is 3 years ago. When I asked my stepmom why are they not working, she said they are helping her with dad. I see they are spending crazy out my dad's account. My step mom had never experienced this kind of money before and my biological parents worked hard in their life to save and built this big house. I know my dad is married to her but my sisters and I do not know what to do. To make it even worst, I find out that my stepmom gave her son money to buy an engagement ring for the girlfriend recently. ( with my dad's money) My dad's health is so frail that he doesn’t even know what his bank account looks like now because my stepmom controls it. Is there any legal advice we can do to get control of this out of spending spree? If she knew we are seeking legal advice, our stepmom will forbid us on coming over to see our dad. Does she have this kind of control? We just want our dad's assets and money to be controled and stop her overspending for her son his now fiancé. They drink wine everyday ( bottle a day)because when my dad was healthier, he joined a wine club and I know now my dad is all sort of medications and I have noticed they give him a glass of Wine or liquor when I happened to be over at the house. We are thinking that if there is any legal ground, have the son and fiancé to move out and hired a health care nurse and stop paying for his child support and stop spending. Help any legal advice. Our hands are tied and we do not know what we can do.
If you are causing constant problems for your Dad, his second wife, and their family I would imagine you will find yourself increasingly isolated.
Your Dad is remarried. He is frail and being cared for. He has not, according to your long message, told you he feels unhappy or abused. I think that honestly says it all. Many families now live together. We are amidst a pandemic. Many are losing jobs. Unless your Father has complaints I would hold my peace. Indeed I would try to befriend new wife and family in the interest of being able to see my father, speak with my father, take my father on outings where I can ascertain whether HE is happy or not. Isn't that the ONLY question?
You will have to make your own choices. See an Elder Law attorney in your area for advice so you set your mind at peace on all that. No one here lives your life nor sees what you see, so you will have to take action according to your best supposition as to what will work best for your Dad. I wish you good luck.
I also agree with Alva that the best strategy is to stop judging them and rather just be helpful. My husband comes from a "blended" family and these are often fraught with emotional complexities such as suspicion, resentment, etc. all of which are counterproductive to the relationships. Your dad's situation "is what it is" so try to roll with it. If you can be trustworthy to them you may get at least one win, which is to spend more time with your dad with less animosity and stress.
You can try to "helpfully" educate them that the way they handle your dad's financial affairs now may have a very serious impact in the future should he ever need Medicaid. This means they will be "stuck" caregiving your father because he won't be able to afford a care facility, should he need it or the family want it. The Medicaid app "look back" period differs from state to state but is no less than 2.5 years and up to 5 years. Any transactions that look like gifting to Medicaid can delay or disqualify him from this very important resource. Maybe she'd be willing to go with your dad to see an elder law attorney to clarify this. She herself will need a PoA and who knows if she has this in place or not? Maybe your dad doesn't even have a PoA in place but at an attorney's office he can have this taken care of, IF he has all his faculties (and the attorney would assess his ability to understand anything he is about to sign).
I totally get the feeling of frustration that you have as you watch what's going on from the side lines, but you must take a different tack or things will never have any chance to change for the better.