I am about to cut off contact from my mom. The chances of her ending up in a bad place, sick, or dead are possible outcomes. Waiting for my lawyer to call me back.
She's an alcoholic and has made it clear she needs to drink. So that means I need to disappear. I want my life back. I want to not feel like a trapped puppet master doomed to pick up the pieces and pull all the strings. The decision to leave is the harder one because I know what is to come and it's my hand leaving the table that will open the floodgates. I know what I am doing.
But there's always the chance that she ends up struggling but fine.
So for those who quit, what happened after?
She will probably become a ward of the county. Then will be transitioned into a Medicaid facility where she will have housing, meals and medical care. It may not be the Tajmahal, but it's all she will need.
May you gain wisdom and receive peace in your heart that sometimes there are no good solutions, only "least bad" options.
But I was amazed by the support, the networking of the group, people coming up to me as a new person with suggestions about trying different meetings as the communities varied (my city is FULL of this kind of support). And people had all sorts of resources.
The person I had to give up on was not a spouse. What happened? We still see one another once in a while, we are friendly and we move on. He still drinks. It is a choice not to get help.
I think that you will find people at Al-Anon to tell you all about their stories. I bet they will vary a whole lot and have little to do with the outcome of your own. I think what you are doing takes great strength, and I wish you good luck. And wish that for your Mom as well. Please leave her the contact numbers for AA.
Allowing her to fully see and bear the consequences of her actions is the only way she can learn or choose not to. Either way, it's her choice, not yours.
I second Alva, AlAnon and Nar-Anon are great! I bet that you could even find meetings online if you can’t make it to an in person group. Go in person if you possibly can though.
My oldest brother (now deceased) was an addict. A lovely nurse told me to go to meetings when she saw me struggling to care for my brother in the hospital after his horrific motorcycle accident.
I was glad that I went for support. Give it a try.
You can't spend your life worrying about her, she is an adult responsible for her own behavior, just as you are.
Don't become her emotional prisoner.
So very happy you took this step!
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-finally-went-to-al-anon-480802.htm?orderby=recent&page=1v