My son was cremated and his casket cremated with him. I did not want the casket just him. The funeral director said that is the way it is done. I think they just wanted to make money on the casket. I have been told by others that you can rent a casket and then they are taken out of the casket and cremated. Of course the funeral parlor told me they can not be responsible for the condition that the casket arrives in. Another gimmick no doubt for the funeral parlor to soak you at a vulnerable time.
To speak to your question about gimmicks - I believe the costs associated with funerals are a racket, and prey on grieving people who may feel obligated to “do right” in honoring their deceased love one. American cultural values seem to be changing, though I think it depends on location and family and ethnicity. We used to have a 3 day ordeal, with all day visitation at the funeral home, where the family would gather for exhausting days, and then have a service at the funeral home, on to the church for a mass, then a graveside service, followed by a wake. That’s just too much for me, both in terms of cost and emotional expense. That scenario I just described would be well over $20,000 in my area.
When my husband died this past fall, we had him cremated, and no service at a funeral home. I had contacted a local funeral home and they wanted $2000 to use a room for 2 hours for a memorial, which I think is absurd, so didn’t do that. Fortunately, we had a ceremony at no charge at his Masonic lodge, and then a funeral mass and graveside service. The cremation was about $800. We didn’t have to buy a casket.
At the time a felt a little worried about having a “budget funeral”. After a all, I loved my husband and wanted nothing but the best for him. Now that a few months have passed, I’m really glad I did what I did. The people who loved him were there, and he would be happy we didn’t waste a lot of his hard earned money for no added value. He had a very meaningful send off.
We also "negotiated" the contract terms when we bought the plans, and they included a nice mahogony cremation urn as well as postal arrangements to mail cremains/urn. (I did have to remind them that the mailing was included in Mom's contract, because it wasn't "standard" with that plan - was hand-written into the contract - and would have been about $125). Basically everything was done very smoothly and with almost no hassle for me. I did have to order and pay for death certificates separately, although they would have helped if I'd needed. (Who knew there are "long" and "short" death certificates? And that the med examiner/coroner can make huge mistakes when filling them out? Mom died "accidentally" from a fall while living in a nursing home when a CNA was transferring her from her wheelchair to a shower chair, and she died 10 days later as a result of that fall.) The med examiner filled out that she had died in MY home after an unobserved fall! It took the State of Oregon an extra month to process the correction!
I feel I need to comment about what are, to me, insensitive responses in this thread? I don't think it's appropriate, necessary, or even kind to go into morbid/graphic details of funeral practices (embalming, cremation details, etc.) and maybe that's not the kind of information many people want to dwell on? I certainly don't... I also think this thread isn't the time for personal critical opinions about the wasting of land for cemeteries or the space taken up by buried bodies? Grief, burial beliefs, individual feelings and choices about organ donation are all personally valid and, to some, "sacred". I choose cremation personally, and don't want to be embalmed (I was already aware of the "details" of that process, but thank you for the reminder...) but this just isn't the venue to criticize or "guilt" those who choose more traditional paths. I don't think that was the intent or content of the topic here. Yes, cemeteries do take up real estate, but so do strip malls and parking garages... Sorry, but I just don't think this forum should be used to disrespectively criticize or demean anyones' choices for these final and personal decisions... In some cases procedures are also dictated by culteral or religious beliefs - and that should also be respected.
Why would one need a casket for cremation? Doesn't everything go up in flames? Why wouldn't a pine box suffice?
This probably included the fee to have her presentable for the final identification & viewing by myself and my sister. She was not embalmed or coiffured. However, she was obviously "cared for in death" This was much appreciated as her final days left her looking anguished. We were with her throughout a long decline, it was good to see a peaceful body presentation). The funeral home services for collecting Mom from the hospital, housing the body until cremation, cremation, 15 death certificates, & assisting with other documents was $4300. My parents did not have pre-paid plans. However, this amount was in their planning packet and not an arbitrary amount. I selected a beautiful "Burial Ready Urn for Cremains" from Amazon Prime and had it to take to the Funeral Home to collect moms cremains.
They placed them in the urn in a sealed plastic bag and then sealed the lid for me at no charge. The urn I purchased was $110 on Amazon. It would have been 4x that cost had I went through a Funeral home vendor. I then had no trouble taking Mom's cremains to another state for her funeral services in the Church where she grew up and where most of her elderly family still attend. As 2 funeral urns can be buried in 1 grave plot, I now also have a place for Dad if he is agreeable to cremation. After this experience, I definitely prefer cremation, followed by a church memorial service. An urn allows for a more relaxed time frame and final placement options, Burial, placement in a mausoleum, or kept at home.
Naturally we didn't, but we took the super economy: no-view-no burn-cobblestone-have-a-drink-on-her approach.
I recall when my father died suddenly in 1950, what a ripoff the funeral home was and how upsetting it was for my mother. We preplanned my father-in-law's funeral in the late 1980's, it was not expensive and it was lovely.
I suggest you think about this before it's needed, do your homework, and a good place to ask questions is at hospice providers. We learned about the funeral home we used from a hospice nurse we knew. They get asked for references frequently.
Both are offered but not needed. However, if you chose to have a viewing, then I think a casket and embalming would be necessary for obvious reasons. And yes, the casket is generally cremated with the body.
I have never seen a rented casket so I can't answer that. I had my DH cremated without casket & embalming, no funeral.
My girlfriend had her DH cremated after the funeral ceremony and he was embalmed and in a casket. He was cremated in the casket.
My own belief is that money is for the living..not the dead. There are bills to pay off, maybe the roof needs replacing..or a new refrigerator or washer and drier. For caregivers the cost of caring is exorbitant and often drains the caregiver of their life savings as it has done me. I sacrifice EVERYTHING for my mum.
My own view of death is when they are gone--they are gone. The time to pay homage to them is when they are ALIVE and to love and take care of them every single day. Funerals are for the people who are guilty of neglect to assuage their feelings of guilt.
There are alternatives to funerals such as Neptune Society, who will simply dispose of the body in the ocean.
You can also apply to donate the body to science--the cost of transportation is FREE, and when the tissue samples are extracted for research and body used to help train future surgeons--the body is cremated for FREE and ashes sent back to the loved ones for FREE; in addition, two death certificates given for FREE. However, you must apply ahead of time. If money is a huge issue, then I would consider these alternatives.
For caregivers...if you have family that does not do much--let THEM pay for the cost of the funeral since it will make them feel better for all those years of ignoring them. Otherwise, consider alternatives like the Neptune society or medical science donation. Or get a simple cheaper cremation for under $1,000 without viewing and ceremony. Do NOT buy a "box" -- you will receive the ashes in a plastic bag in a cardboard small box and you can buy a cigar box (very pretty!) for under $50 and the ashes will fit nicely in there.
IF my brothers will not pay for her cremation/funeral, I will get the cheapest cremation possible since I tell my mom I love her every single day and take care of her every single moment attending to her every need. I buy things for my mom when she is alive. When they are dead--flowers and other niceties are just throwing money away because when they are gone that's it.
I do think embalming borders on abuse of the dead (I checked out what they did a number of years ago.)
There are a few differences here with transportation costs when donating a body for research. They charge $1,000 - but cremation, while free, is a "group" plan and no ashes are sent back.
Otherwise, funeral homes here don't have anything under $3,000 for a personal cremation or burial w/o embalming. If the ashes are to be buried, they still require a concrete vault. (I've been checking things out for when it's my time) Totally agree that money is for the living. It doesn't make sense to put almost as much as what I get in a year in the ground. I had one relative say "It's about respect". I disagree with them. The time to show respect is when they're alive - and money is for the living.
I have done my own homework. Yes, One can sure thing "Rent out" a casket for the funeral service but at the crematory, utilize one of their cheap boxes to cremate your loved one in.
Its a shame, and again shame on them for taking advantage of you in such a sad time. So sorry for your loss.
When my MIL died, she was cremated and no funeral. But the cemetery still charged us $10,000 to open a vault. I always thought that was highway robbery but, after reading your post, I now realize that the undertakers were going to get their money one way or another.
Each State, and even each County, has its own variations on Federal regulations governing the cremation process.
Regarding the casket, surprised the funeral home didn't mention that alternative containers are available when there will be a cremation.
Funerals can become very expensive depending on location. When my Mom had passed, it was $15k as two funeral homes were involved as the final resting place was in another State. Services here, and services in the other State. Same cost when my Dad had passed. The headstone was an extra cost. The grave site was already bought back in the 1950's, thus it was one last thing to worry about.
My stepdad and my Mum both prepaid for their basic cremation and two death certificates in 2010. At the time it cost $1700. Now the cost is about $1000 more.
No embalming, cardboard box for the cremation, no decorative urn, included transportation from hospital to funeral home, funeral home to crematorium (about 40 miles away) and back. Now the cost is just under $3000. We did not have any additional charges. In reading over the paperwork, it stated that at the crematorium any metal on a casket would be removed and become the property of the crematorium. If the casket was not flammable, the remains would be removed and the casket become the property of the crematorium. None of that mattered to us as we just use the cardboard box.
We do not do viewings in my family. Mum and I were with him when he passed and there is no other family close enough to have come by. We do not believe in putting the body on display for others to gawk at.
The service will be at the Church, there are costs to that, but they are reasonable, the organist, the caretaker, and catering (at cost). We will give the minister an honourarium but it is not expected.