I have now been married to my husband for 2 years. Last year my father in law moved in with us to help around the house and with my son who is 11. I was ok with it and was excited for the help. But now after a year of all living together I'm falling apart!! My husband is like a baby boy! My FIL caters to his every need and kisses him goodnight every night!!!!! My FIL does everything in the house and outside! My husband and I are like roommates and they are the ones who are married. My FIL is only 52, no illness, no dead wife!!! Nothing!! In fact he walks 5 miles everyday and works out. I ask him to get a part time job or friends or a girlfriend he laughs at me and says he doesn't need any of that because he is happy here all day, all night, 7 days a week!!! I feel like such a bad person because he does help around the house but he is constant and I take care of him financially too!! We pay for him if we go to movies or dinner, anything!!! I try explaining to my husband how I feel and he looks at me as though I'm crazy! Thy have a bond that I know Will always be before me an our kids... It's hard to say that but it's true... An I know the things I'm upset over seem small and petty but they eventually accumulate and feel as though I'm drowning! We even had to give our puppy up for adoption because my father in law couldn't handle having him in the house! I know counseling is an option but I need some ideas to maybe help in the short term.... He even cleans our room when I ask him not to. There is not one space in my own house that is mine.. It's really all his! Any thoughts???? :(
At 52, he really needs to be out on his own. Where is your husband's mother? Or does she no longer have any connection to your husband's father?
See, "the rule" is -- he handles his family, and you handle yours. And he's 'handling' his dad to your detriment. Make a list of what you don't want FIL to do; give it to your husband. Tell him, "For now, having him NOT do these things will make me happy. But long term? I expect him to move out."
Let's face it. It's probably going to have to get worse than it is for you to get him out of the house -- and that's because it may not MEAN that. It MAY mean YOU getting out of the house with your kids; setting up a separate life; and sending your HUSBAND the loud and clear message that you've had enough. Maybe only temporary. Maybe forever. *shrug*
You have an 11-year-old. Then you talk about your "children." Please tell me you did not have a baby with this man. Your odds aren't looking too good right now.
Thank you to everyone who has answered! It's help validate my feelings that I'm not crazy or over emotional!
I'm possibly not the best person to advise on being patient during rough patches. Umm.
What does your son make of his (step?) granddad being around the whole time?
How did you get on with your FIL before he moved in? Was his marriage already on the rocks when you and your husband got together?
I would say give it time, except you don't say much about the original state of your and your husband's relationship.
I wouldn't live in a house with three males where I felt like the proverbial pork chop for all the tea in China. But, truly, that's just me. How do you see this going? What do you want to change?
Your marriage is in serious trouble. Relationship counselling sounds like a good idea to me. Or individual counseling for yourself if hubby won't agree to go.
The situation you are in is not healthy.
See a counselor. Then, if necessary, see a lawyer.