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Mom is being stubborn about taking her medication. She takes it some days and not others. She does not have dementia.

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Hopalong, oh the pill war, similar to the thermostat wars. It could be that your Mom isn't really being stubborn about taking her meds, it could be she is forgetting or forgetting what day it is if using a pill tray.

My Dad use to use a spread sheet to write down the dates of when he took pills but eventually that spread sheet started to gather dust. Then I tried the pill tray... it worked well for awhile but eventually Dad couldn't remember what day it was, so if he saw an empty slot of Tuesday, and it was Tuesday, and he didn't remember taking the pills, he would think it was Wednesday and would take the pills in that slot... oops, double dosage.

Eventually Dad had caregivers who were good about his morning and afternoon pills. But when Dad went to the main dining room at Assisted Living, he would forget to take his evening pills. Eventually I had to pay into an option where the facility would hold all his meds [no pills in his apartment] and give the pills during the day.
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There is technology called Tele-Medicine that dispenses medication at the time she is to take it and vocally reminds people to take their medications. The machine can also send a text to you or a caregiver when the medicine is not taken from the dispenser tray. Of course if she is really being rebellious and not forgetful she will pick it up from the tray and not take it. I think you need to determine the reason she is not taking it and address the underlying cause. I could speculate further the find the underlying cause of the lack of compliance is the best place to start.
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Why do you think she doesn't have any cognitive impairment?

Frankly, unless she's had a complete neuropsych workup that includes several hours of paper and pencil testing that includes assessments of reasoning ability, I would assume that there is some loss of cognition. Yes, she's "sharp as a tack", but she may no longer reason any better than a 5 year old.
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Your mom is the owner of her body and it's her choice what to put into her body. No one else owns it nor is the authority on it. Since you say she is thinking clearly, then maybe you want to ask her why. Maybe the pills give her nasty side-effects, or perhaps she feels they are unnecessary. Maybe she would like to hear about alternatives to pharmaceutics. The most common cause of death today is pharmaceutics, especially poly-pharm. Many elderly people are on a cocktail of pills. Maybe your mom found out the truth about the effects of these pills, and has legitimate concerns. Ask!
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Do you live with Mom? I crush my Mom's meds and mix them with vanilla ice cream then cover with chocolate sauce. A sundae before breakfast and one after dinner and no more fights about taking meds.
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Often when our seniors aren't taking their medications regularly, it is due to memory issues. Whether it's from dementia is something a doctor would need to determine through testing. As some have mentioned here, it might be helpful to have your mom tested to rule out dementia or some other health issue that is causing her to forget her meds on some days.
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I suppose she could be stating that she decided not to take it but really she's covering up that she forgot. I bought her a pill box, a nice one, but she refuses to use it. I go in to clean and find pills on the floor. She has just lost her PCP due to retirement. I'll see if I can find someone in geriatrics.
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No Hopalong, Your Mother is not stubborn, as She's forgetting..but You would never notice as Your Mom is pretending She wouldn't take the med's to keep You from noticing that Her memory is failing. It's time to contact Your Mothers Dr. so that an appointment can be made for a Geriatrition to examine Your Mom. Before My Late Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's I found boxes and boxes of tablets which were not even opened...Mam had been putting the med's away safely and completely forgot She had med's to take. I mentioned this to Mam's Dr and The Doctor told Me to take over managing the Med's for Mother, from there on. I Pray that I'm wrong, but the writing is on the wall.
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My mom seems to think she knows more than the doctor and takes her meds as she sees fit; not as the doctor prescribes. She had a mini stroke last year, but still denies that as well. Her blood pressure meds are the one thing she seems to take seriously. She buys weird supplements online and every other quack device she can find (tommy copper, joint pills) instead of going to the orthopedist to get a cortisone shot or other treatment. My husband currently is living with her while I clean up things in another state to move where she is as well. For now, he is making sure she eats well, gets some exercise and does not fall and hurt herself. Our stance is that it is her health and as long as she is taking the important pills like BP, we are going to leave well enough alone. I guess bottom line is that it depends on what the pills are for that she is not taking.
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I agree with how Mellie does it....by hiding the medicine in food.I always smashed up Mother's medicine and then put it in a small bite of applesauce.My Mother couldn't swallow pills and she had her mind but she would have never taken her medicine if I didn't give it to her everytime.Good luck with this Hopalong.Take care,Lu
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My Mom has memory issues. Even though Dad would set the pills in front of her, she may or may not take them. Since they moved into AL, she gets her pills at the same time every day. She's improved so much that it is amazing! She'll never get her memory back, but her health is better, and she's more sociable. The aides that give her the meds stand there and watch her take them although she's tried the "I'll take them later" ploy. I'm convinced the regularity of the pills is one of the reason she's doing so much better!
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I sort of agree with Ezekiel Emmanuel, the physician who says he isn't going to take any preventive medicines after age 75 (however he is in his early 60s). He believes that too many old people are living past the time Nature would have caused death from heart attack or stroke. Intellectually I agree, although actually I am nearly 80 and still taking meds for high BP and cholesterol.I have decided my cut-off age is 85, since not one of my elder ancestors lived beyond that age.
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If your mom is competent and able to make her own decisions, she has the right to refuse her meds. That being said, I think I would ask the doctor to evaluate mom's cognitive abilities and proceed from there. You didn't mention mom's age but dementia can be very subtle and often shows up in some form in the elderly.
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My Mom is in ALF and started refusing her meds. They cannot force her. She is suffering from renal failure and not taking her meds causes het legs to swell. I took her to both doctors, renal and geriatric to try to get help. She finally agreed to take only the Bumax and potassium for her kidney failure and her thyroid meds. We agreed she could quit anything else. That went fine for a while, but she started to refuse them again. It's an endless battle. I asked her geriatric doctor to evaluate her mental condition and she came back mildly impaired. It mostly seems she wants some control over her life. I get tired of explaining her kidney function and what her thyroid gland is all about, but every couple of weeks I start all over again. All we can do is the best we can do. It'll never be perfect. At 86, and with such a small life, i don't feel like spending all my time arguing with her.
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Isn't it illegal to give someone any medications without their knowledge/ permission? It opens a whole kettle of worms -- can you prove that you only gave what was ordered? Are you crushing up pills that shouldn't be crushed?

For your own protection (legally) may I suggest that you get a physican's order (in writing) stating that you MAY give medications without the permission/knowledge of the patient.
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Just a post script to my earlier answer: Some medications should not be crushed. Anyone crushing meds to make administration easier, please check with the prescribing physician or pharmacy.
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My mother has moderate cognitive impairment. I have been managing her medications (she lives in my home) for several years, using the day of the week AM/PM pill boxes and preparing them for her, using strawberry jam for the one giant pill that can be crushed and eaten that way.

Occasionally she will get annoyed at the number of pills and says "what would happen if I just stopped taking these" And I tell her that she would suffer from too low potassium and magnesium (that she was hospitalized for 4 years ago) and slip into a coma and die. Then I tell her it is an option, not a great option, but an option. And the she shoots me a dirty look (because of course it's all my fault somehow) and she takes the pills.

I give her a similar line when she asks what would happen if she stopped going to see the doctor. No doctor, no pills. . . same result.
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Oops. Got my idioms mixed up. Should have been a "kettle of fish" or a "can of worms". Still, same meaning!
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I would have a good pharmacist look at all the meds she is taking, and see if they are necessary and/or reacting with each other, or have side effects that are worse than the condition they're for. I don't take any prescriptions except for short term specfic things; got off the statin drug and bp drug because they were messing with my memory (statin) and balance (bp). BTW, there is research that older women do better with higher cholesterol, as the brain needs it. I do take some supplements that I research carefully.
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hopalong: Sometimes the elder wants to self medicate. We all know that doesn't work. Start with cassette pill cases that you can buy at CVS. Buy 2-one for night and one for day in two different colors for mom's meds. They have slots for each day of the week.
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Is it possible she's having side effects from her medications? This can cause you to reduce dosage. Let's say you take albuterol for asthma. Too much of the nebulizer mind will leave your heart racing within a matter of minutes, leaving you feeling weak and shaky, and you'll have to lay down for a while. This is a side effect of too much albuterol. I speak as an asthmatic and I also take other medications I'm trying to wean off of at least some point. Sometimes long-term use of any medicine can cause permanent damage, and for all we know, the patient may be experiencing negative repercussions from some of those medicines. Definitely have a talk with the patient and get the doctor involved because if the medications are causing damage, they can be readjusted or replaced
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Medications can have some surprising negative effects so they must be checked regularly by a qualified professional. As people age they become more susceptible to these side effects. So she may feel terrible after taking her meds and for good reason not want them. Some medications are vital but others could possibly be withdrawn or at least prescribed in lower doses. You may find that her body is telling her something very wise.
Good luck!
Carol
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For my late mother, her issue was she was trying to live alone in her own home even though she was legally blind. But the thing was she was stubborn and said no way to living with me. That said, I had to move 400 miles away and live with her. Her main issue with pills is that she would drop them all over her house and not know it. That's why I set up the cassette pill cases (don't think music cassettes at all). Ask pharmacy for the product.
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Ditto to dropping pills if you can't see well. I drop vitamin pills all the time. I don't have dementia. But since I have a dog who is at risk for eating them if I drop them, as soon as I know one has fallen, I shoo her away very fast. Then, I do the "broom method" if I really can't see the pill on the floor. I would highly recommend the "broom method" if you can't tell which is pill and which is floor. Once I moved my fridge and underneath I found a variety of dropped pills among the dust bunnies from the previous tenant(s). I assume they were legal pills......
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My mother lived alone and "administered" her medication at will, against directions of her doctor and our entire family's pleading. Most of these medications needed to be taken on a regular basis to prevent strokes, regulate her heart, etc. This went on for almost two years....and I found her on the floor unresponsive. She has not completely recovered from her major stroke and is in an assisted living facility, where she continues to fight the use of her needed medicine. I am NOT a fan of pharmaceuticals, but sometimes they are life-saving. My friend's brother had the same experience, and the doctor directly attributed his damaging stroke to his "picking and choosing" what medicine he deemed necessary. The best of luck to you, it's a heartbreaking problem.
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