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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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We are at a crossroads. Father in law is in hospital and may not be able to return to living alone in his house. Advice about bringing him to live with us?
What put FIL in the hospital, and will he be going to rehab afterwards, to get back his strength, get some therapy and evaluation so that he can do better, wherever he ends up?
What is your and your family's relationship with him like? Everyone loves to visit him and kids enjoy his company. You and your spouse consider him to be a delightful person and he's always flexible and easy-going? And grateful for what others do for him?
How much are you a person who needs "alone" time? Are you a person who just loves having company all the time? How are you about privacy?
Are you (and FIL) willing to say "let's give this a chance and if it doesn't work out, we'll figure out plan B"? Is he willing to enter into a caregiving contract with you so that who pays for what (room, board, caregiving, food, extra electrity, water, respite care for when you go on vacation, regular caregivers to give you a break on a regular basis)?
Is there any sign of dementia or cognitive decline? Does he have a progressive condition, like Parkinson's?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself and your spouse.
Just remember, this is a choice. There is no "you have to, you owe me", or "he has no place else to go". Talk to the discharge planners and the hospital and make the best plan for everyone.
There are a few questions to ask yourselves before you commit to having him live with you. Do you all get along with him? Is he easy-going or difficult and demanding? Will the whole family pitch in, especially your spouse? Would he be alone during the day if you work full time? Would he accept a hired caregiver? Can you handle caring for things such as bathing him and toileting should it become necessary? Can you keep up with his meds and other health needs he might have? Is there enough room in your home for everyone to have their own space? Are there other sibs who can and would give you a break when asked? Do you have Power of Attorney? What will you do with Dad’s house? Most importantly, how does Dad feel about it? Where does he want to go? Good luck in making your decision.
Great points to consider above. I think that often it really boils down to personalities, temperament, and need. I'd make sure you have a good idea of what his needs are going to be, because, I often read how the adult child and spouse are not prepared to care for a senior by preparing regular meals, cleaning after them, transporting them, and mostly entertaining them. It seems so hard to maintain your own privacy as a couple. Will FIL mind watching tv alone or must you always include him? I can see how it might be touchy.
But, for the right people, I think it works. I'd keep in mind that once things are set up, it's awkward to have to change your mind, because feelings can get hurt.
If there is any chance of cognitive decline, I'd really research, because then you may have to deal with a person who disrupts your household, has no filters and rejects help that he needs.
Deanne, before you make a final decision, please read this article. It will help you decide if having a parent living with you is a good choice or not.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What put FIL in the hospital, and will he be going to rehab afterwards, to get back his strength, get some therapy and evaluation so that he can do better, wherever he ends up?
What is your and your family's relationship with him like? Everyone loves to visit him and kids enjoy his company. You and your spouse consider him to be a delightful person and he's always flexible and easy-going? And grateful for what others do for him?
How much are you a person who needs "alone" time? Are you a person who just loves having company all the time? How are you about privacy?
Are you (and FIL) willing to say "let's give this a chance and if it doesn't work out, we'll figure out plan B"? Is he willing to enter into a caregiving contract with you so that who pays for what (room, board, caregiving, food, extra electrity, water, respite care for when you go on vacation, regular caregivers to give you a break on a regular basis)?
Is there any sign of dementia or cognitive decline? Does he have a progressive condition, like Parkinson's?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself and your spouse.
Just remember, this is a choice. There is no "you have to, you owe me", or "he has no place else to go". Talk to the discharge planners and the hospital and make the best plan for everyone.
But, for the right people, I think it works. I'd keep in mind that once things are set up, it's awkward to have to change your mind, because feelings can get hurt.
If there is any chance of cognitive decline, I'd really research, because then you may have to deal with a person who disrupts your household, has no filters and rejects help that he needs.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/deal-with-caregiving-changing-your-life-139977.htm