For the past ten years I have been caring for my husband's grandma. We got so close after the death of her husband that we because friends. I would visit her almost everyday and take her to run errands. We could sit around and talk for hours. She hated everyone but me and my husband. She only wanted us to help her with stuff and take her on trips.
Last year she fell and there were concerns her living alone. With the pandemic and me having two little girls I was getting tired of going back to back with laptops and books to visit her that everyone said why don’t you move together.
So she sold her house and we bought one together. Well after that that’s when all the problems started. She started to bully my daughters and walk around and just cuss for no reason. She became obsessed with me and follow me around the house I couldn’t catch a break. She would get upset if I went to the store or went to my bedroom.
She then started telling people lies about me and my husband. She would blame my daughters if something went missing. She kinda went crazy. She became moody and started to tell me she didn’t need taken care of. She didn’t want me to do anything for her anymore. She started to act like we were stealing From her and that we threw all her stuff from her house alway and that she had nothing left. Everything in the house is Hers but she tells everyone we threw it away.
When people visit her she acts normal but at home she doesn’t. She hasn’t been diagnosed with anything yet but I think she might have dementia. She sometimes forget where she at and repeats the same story over and over again.
She makes up stories about me and my husband and kids. And she goes around telling family members things that aren’t true.
I’m so stressed out with my daughters medical condition we are both going to therapy. Me and my daughter. We have no support from family and we don’t know what to do.
Sometimes she creepy and watches us sleep at night.
I’ve even heeded her call me names and saying she will kill me dead.
She denies everything. I feel people don’t believe us because she acts normal around others. I feel like she making me crazy now.
Get her to the doctor and get her evaluated ASAP. You may need to use a theraputic lie to get her to go like "Medicare says you have to go see your doctor now.". Whatever you need to do, she needs to get there.
Her behavior could also be due to a UTI. I would call her doctor's office TODAY and get her in to see someone in that office as soon as you can. They can talk to her, see how she is behaving, test for UTI, do blood work. Maybe something is off in her blood work.
Many of her behaviors are common in people with dementia. Being mean, making up stories, having personality changes, thinking people are stealing from them, etc. Classic behaviors but very disturbing and difficult to deal with.
So, doctor first. Second you will need to consider getting some hired help and/or placing her somewhere if there is no hope in her behavior improving as it is not OK for your kids to have to deal with this.
Gma likes nobody. Now that she lives with you she doesn't like you either. You feel actually afraid of what she might do to you. Do YOU think she could follow through on physical threats? If you are miserable and scared in your own home--and your poor kids have to deal with this too--probably it's time to have Gma evaluated for dementia--and be aware, she might NOT have dementia, she might just be a horrible person. (My MIL was assessed for dementia & the results came back that she 'just' has a serious personality disorder. She, too, can act 'ok' around others, but people she doesn't like? She's mean as a snake. And that's just the way she is.)
Probably you shouldn't live with her any more. Getting out of that situation is going to be hard.
This is DH's gma. Get him involved. You may have to sell the home and start over, IDK, but a dx of diminished capacity would be helpful to move her to a place that can handle her. Maybe you can buy her out of the house--probably a lawyer could help you with this--and you probably should talk to one anyway, to protect yourself.
Don't stay in a situation that is making you literally sick. Your kids need a safe, calm place to live in and doesn't sound like living with Gma is the best thing for anybody in this.
Good Luck.
The second pressing issue you have is how to move her out, since she is co-owner on the house where you live (if I understand correctly) and she obviously needs a higher level of care than you can give her. You will need to discuss this with an elder law estate planner. You must consult with a knowledgeable professional for your state to untangle your situation.
My MIL moved in with us and is constantly barking at or criticizing our two young kids for nothing at all, so I know what it’s like, wanting to protect them. At least my MIL can’t make it up the stairs - your situation sounds terrifying.
Now, I don’t know about where you live, but for us it’s taken months and we still don’t have a diagnosis and have minimal care. It depends how desperate you are, I guess, or how scared you are for your own safety. If you really are scared, take her to the ER and leave her there. Diagnosis and medication are helpful, but your number one priority is and (I’m sure) always has been everyone’s safety. If you cannot guarantee that, that’s no way to live, sleeping with one eye open.
Dementia can turn the sweetest people into the devil incarnate, so this isn’t something you necessarily could have foreseen, Time to get help!!
Sorry you're going through this after trying to do a nice thing.
If you feel unsafe call 911, show the police the recording, they can take to hospital for evaluation. Once there and diagnosed, you can do the unsafe discharge and get her placed. She can't keep up the act over time in the hospital.
Depending on her finances, if she needs Medicaid, then you will need a lawyer versed in that to untangle your money from hers, especially with the house purchase.
Many of those behaviours mentioned do point to a dementia of some kind BUT a medical checkup is needed - to rule out other causes, get an accurate diagnosis, get the most accurate treatment plan/medications, plan for the future.
Whether dementia or another reason, this behaviour is of concern to you. Can you get Grandma to the Doctor's to start?
If this behaviour is causing real safety concerns in your home or danger - to you, her or your children take immediate action - urgent care or EMS for mental health assessment.