These include memory loss and Alzheimer's, stage 1. I am the complete package, including outside and inside home management.
She can still do toilet duties and dress herself... that's pretty much it, and I am fine with it. My responsibility, and I can handle it. My problem is, indoor temperature setting, She insists on minimum 80 degrees and she is happier with 82 or 83! In winter it is bearable, but in 90 degree and up days in summer, it gets so oppressive I can hardly bear it. I go to the basement or next door to neighbors when it is unbearable and at night I can hardly sleep. I know others have this problem and wonder how they handle it respectfully...
I worked for an elderly couple in which the wife had Alzheimer's. She would crank the heat up even in the summer time and always complain about it being cold.
It drove her poor husband nuts. I told him that I would no longer work for them if something wasn't done about the heating situation. They went through so many caregivers because they couldn't keep any.
We installed a lock box on the thermostat. When they wife would start carrying on about it being cold (it would be the middle of July and roasting), I'd get her a sweater and blanket and tell her the heat was broke and the repair guy had to look at it.
You need to get that temp down. Try 75 and get her dressing in layers so that she can keep herself warm enough. She can wear a hat to help keep her heat in! And fingerless gloves. And heavy socks. Long johns.
At night, the temp should/could come down even more.
A separate room that you can keep at the temp you like would be better than running outside or to a neighbor's house. If you have baseboard hot water heat, close the covers - it will still get heat, but less. Put in a small window AC unit for summer.
If she wears more layers/warmer clothes, perhaps try turning the temp down, one degree at a time, and see how she adjusts. Trying to turn it down 10 degrees at a whack will be noticeable. A little bit over time might allow adjustment.
Good for you that you can care for your wife by yourself! Please consider adding extra people to help care for your wife - family friends, members of faith community and/or paid help. I am not saying that you can't continue "doing it all", but life happens and you need back-up if you get sick or injured.
My thyroid numbers are monitored by a specialist. They are as low as they can go.
I CONSTANTLY freeze.
I live in Florida.
It is June, as I write this.
I am 57 years old.
I keep two blankets and a down comforter on my side of the bed.
I am not “stubborn”.
It is just how my body works.
I agree with layering your beloved, and dressing for the tropics for you.
Best wishes to you!
Enter Polar Fleece.
Slip on pants and tops.
They kept him "warm" but were also breathable.
Easy to wash, fast to dry.
Eventually he got used to not being layered.
Will your wife wear a hat? That will keep her warmer.
My Husband always had a blanket over his lap. Actually while he was in his recliner it covered his feet, legs and often he would pull it up to his chin.
A shawl might also help your wife keep warm.
If you are in a king size bed get Twin EX-Long blankets to put over her. It will cover her side of the bed and leave you to put over you what makes you comfortable.
If you place a waterproof mattress pad on her side it will also reflect heat back to her. Many have a "plastic" layer that will keep her warm.
If she has no nerve problems a heated blanket or heated mattress pad will also help. (Don't use one if she has nerve problems as she may not be able to detect if it is burning her. A friends husband used an old heating pad and got severe burns)
If she is looking at the thermostat and can read the numbers place a piece of tape over the face of the thermostat with the number 83 written on it so if she looks to see if the temp is the way she wants it it will look like it is set to her liking. You can then set the temp to what will make you feel comfortable.
I have to be in a COLD room to sleep well, that's always been the case. So I moved out of our bedroom 10 years ago and we'll never share a bed b/c even in the hottest summer months, he has 2 down comforters on the bed and often sleeps with a hot water bottle. He's 69, hardly old...but is always freezing. It hit 100 here yesterday, I hid out in my basement craft room and sewed all day--he was upstairs watching TV all day and his room was probably 90 degrees. I told him he should go live with his mother during the summer as she keeps her house super warm. Indoor temps over 75 make me actually sick.
DH has had complete physicals, he is on thyroid medication, but I don't think it helps at all. I'm sure he's chronically dehydrated which is a problem too, but I just can't force him to take care of himself. I just pile the blankets on him and walk out the door.
Does your wife move around at all? I think my mother's cold issue was mostly due to the fact that she was completely sedentary. She'd get up, have breakfast, then retire to her comfy chair and go back to sleep until lunchtime. Dad was always up and tearing around.
Get your wife some sweaters (Mom lives in the acrylic cardigans from The National catalog -- and acrylic does nothing to keep you warm), a fleece blanket to have on her lap, and turn the heat off.
That got a chuckle from me!!!
An electric blanket for where she sits and sleeps, too - as others have suggested - might let you move the thermostat down a bit.
Body temperature regulation, either too hot or too cold, is a primary symptom of thyroid problems.
If Identified, treatment can be undertaken to help.
I arrived at my mother's condo once, in summer and the place was like a sauna! She had moved the switch from cool to heat. The heat wasn't running, but neither was the AC! I was sweating bullets in no time! My brother ended up putting in a Nest thermostat. She couldn't figure it out. He set it for various times, but could also check it remotely, via the WiFi.
Certainly it could be thyroid, but more likely it's the dementia.
Like I always told him(as he was cold natured for years before he was bedridden)you can always put more stuff on to keep warm, but I can only take off but so much to keep cool. So bundle your dear wife up in some warm winter clothing, and turn that thermostat down, so you can enjoy being in your own home, without sweating to death.
Buy her warmer clothes, help her to layer when she is getting dressed. So she feels comfortable as well.
I worked in an office with penguins, 63° year round, and I married a lizard, 80° works, I would much rather try to get warm than be over heated. I finally converted my husband to a penguin and we installed mini-split units in our home. Now every room can be kept at the desired temperature. You could check out installing one in a room just for you. I highly recommend them and truly wonder why they aren't used more in the USA. They are highly energy efficient and if you clean the filter regularly, no maintenance necessary.
My heart goes out to you. I am not able to deal with stifling heat and I would collapse in 80° interior temps.
Would your wife benefit from fleece jumpsuit onesies, or similar, that would keep her much warmer? Maybe try buying 1-2 and see if it helps. Will she listen to respected friends, family, and others if they tell her that the thermostat settings are extreme? And there is an option of putting in a remote controlled thermostat, too. Do you think that could help if you could change the settings without her noticing, especially at night?
But if she says she feels cold, then she is cold. What about cosier clothes? - fleecy pyjamas, a warm cardigan, a shawl or soft blanket?
The thermostat wars, by the way, are a classic Mars vs. Venus battleground. You certainly aren't alone!