One aide in Mom's nursing home keeps offering to do "private" work for my her on weekends...in the same nursing home. Weekends and holidays are always short-staffed at this place, but has anyone ever hired a private nurse to supplement the nursing home staff? How does the nursing home administration handle that?
I guess my concern is that this aide works for the nursing home right now, so how can she go in there as a "private" nurse on the weekends?
But what I did do about a month ago, was hire a nursing student to stop in and check on Mom up to 5 times each week. I'm paying her $20 per visit to stay for one hour, assess the situation, and email me a report on what's going on. This is how I found out, for example, that Mom had tried to get out of her wheelchair last night and cut her leg. I'm not sure the nursing home would ever tell me that.
it could provide u with some peace of mind-and an opportunity to know what goes on when u arent there-
we know nh are short handed-and sometimes the staff cannot give as much time and attention to everyone.
besides seeing how issues are dealt with, when family visitors are not around,
would make me feel less worried and anxious about mom being in a nh-
i hate to hear from the staff- oh she is doing fine- when i ask how she is-
beause i dont know what that means? i know they dont look forward to speaking with me, since i always have so many questions- i dont try to sound mean , i am just very concerned since i cannot be there and i know they cant spend too much time with one person.
besides, if mom feels comfortable with this person, why not let her have that secure feeling -she is going thru a scary time, a traumatic change in her life,
if u can finance it, why not?
i know my mom spends too much time alone-in the nh-even though they say she isnt-they say she goes to activities,,
activities? like what?
she cannot do activities!
so what do they mean?
-for example i was told she enjoys cooking, what? cooking? how is that possible? she is weak, cant really hold anything, has aphasia,dementia, and alz, and is on mucho meds- when i asked what does she do there- the answer was a real eye opener-
oh, we put on a rubber glove, and she holds a spoon-sometimes-
please- give me a break- cant they be honest instead of giving those annoying generic answers?
so lets be real- a companion would help
a great deal-
frustrated and stressed out-
k
love and hugs---
we need them...
love
k
Face it nobody wants their loved one in a nursing home.
Elizabeth
I can see value in having a companion or a personal care attendant for certain periods in the NH, but I don't know why this would have to be a nurse. If medical attention were needed surely the aid could summon it from the regular staff.
onlychild5, were you considering bringing in extra help before this aide approached you?
1. "Should I hire a private nurse/nurse's aid/sitter."
2. "Should I hire *this* nurse's aid."
With respect to #1, if you *can afford it*, and don't have any severe restrictions to what professional aid/sitter/etc. could do, and especially if your mom is incapacitated, by all means, do it! My experience with a nursing home as a regular visitor is that the nurses and aids may be well-intentioned but there simply isn't enough workers to deliver the quality of care one would hope for. What your hired help is allowed to do depends upon the policies of the nursing home.
As far as (#2) hiring *this* nurse's aid , well, she might be well intentioned, but I'd have to wonder about how exactly she would be able to help. (The aid could certainly be a "he" but to avoid awkward English let's just assume "she".)
I have the same concerns: How can she go *private* at the same facility she works regular hours? Wouldn't there be potential work ethics issues? I'm sure the administration would have the same concerns. It smells fishy. The situation with the private hiring could lead to some very unpleasant accusations toward the aid due to apparent conflict of interest unless some special guidelines have been set previously, and I doubt that there's a nursing home in this world that would even agree to the terms that would allow this without very extenuating circumstances. I'm not sure the aid has thought this proposal through.
I am surprised that the nursing home administration hadn't immediately gotten back to you about hiring private help, but maybe it was just the way you asked. Besides inquiring with the nursing home about *external* agencies or people you might be able to hire, consider also directly asking some home health providers in your area if they might work with your mom's nursing home. I'm sure arrangements can be made.
Mom's AL is well-staffed except for the occasional day when one too many calls in sick. They're pretty quick to call in replacements. My mom is still fairly sharp and has developed some caring, special relationships with the 'girls' as she calls them. They're like her own girls, but instead of her taking care of them, they take care of her. She is a good listener for quite a few of them though, and they pour out their hearts to her about boyfriend break-ups, problems at home and such. So I guess in a way she supports them too! Win-win. Sure, there are a couple of people she doesn't care much for and probably likewise for them, but it's the way life works.
Mom's a little clumsy and bruises badly. Any little thing, (once she hit her hand on the vanity and got a small cut), they are on the phone calling me.
Overall, the experience has been pretty positive so I will count my blessings!
For those of you who see potential conflict-of-interest issues, could you give some examples?
I know that police officers often free-lance providing security during their off-hours. Does this present potential conflict-of-interest, too?
I really don't know the answers, and I'm curious what others think.
To me, the legal and insurance issues are too tangled for a facility to allow this situation.
Just my two cents and a guess. Won't even buy a cup of coffee, much less a gumball these days. :)
Mom is paralyzed on her left side from her stroke last August, so she needs assistance doing almost everything. She can operate the call button, but sometimes it falls away from where her right hand can reach it. And sometimes Mom just can think straight enough to know what to call about.
To those of you who give care at home, I salute you. I don't have the patience or the knowledge to do that myself, even if I didn't live 800 miles away (I fly in about 2 times per month). I don't even know how I would get her to where I live. So she's stuck in the nursing home and I'm stuck managing her care from a distance. A few relatives that live near her do drop in occasionally, but I can't count on them to notice anything or let me know if they do. All that talk about "establishing a care network" kind of falls apart eventually. That's why I hired the student nurse to send me reports...and I specifically instructed her NOT to help the nursing home staff because I didn't want the place worried about liability issues.
Mom hates it there, I don't blame her, but I've had to tell her its the new reality. Four months ago she was living alone, going to exercise, driving her car, having a beer occasionally, and then the stroke took that all away. But she's 88 and having a hard time accepting her current limitations. I guess I am too.
HIRE SOMEONE TO KEEP AN EYE ON HER. $20 for a one hour visit is a lot, especially if she's just a student. I only paid $10 for a girl to go in once a day.
My mom lives with me now and my husband in Denver. I can't afford to keep her but I will because I refuse to let her live her last days in a place where she is abused, neglected and ignored and drugged. DO NOT listen to the aides when they 'volunteer' themselves. Do NOT tell the administrator who is was because your mom is there alone and these people (not the admin but the workers and nurses) will retailiate against you for speaking to the admin. Just ignoring your mom will affect you so just tread lightly. Then get an ombudsman. Every state has one.
Good luck.