My family lives on the east coast; I live on the west coast. I was just informed that my father’s health status as a result of his Parkinson’s has worsened & hospice care has begun, I’m flying back east this week to see him & get an idea of where he is status wise . My mother says he’s still alert, eating/drinking a bit (he has difficulty swallowing). He hasn’t requested morphine treatment yet-perhaps he’s waiting to see me -not sure.
my dilemma-I am still working. I’m going to be there/hope to be there for my dad at the end. I don’t know how long should/can I stay until that time is imminent. Has any1 who had a parent/loved one in hospice had a similar issue & if so how did you handle it?
My mother was doing well, with advanced dementia but socializing with her fellow residents in Memory Care, as usual. She had been on a steady decline for a solid year, however, and had started eating less & less and her shortness of breath was increasing dramatically. That to me was an indicator her CHF had exacerbated. She went into her bed one morning 'feeling tired' and never got back out again; she passed away 1 week later, never having regained full consciousness again; her heart had given out. Hospice did not see it coming, either. But I had a week to be with her and say my goodbyes; we all did, actually. Same with dad; he was in the active dying phase for a good week before he actually passed, so there was lots of advance warning.
I think hospice should let you know when it's imminent that dad is passing, so you can join him to be close by at the end. If not, you can spend as much time with him now and say what you need to say while he's still alert & cognizant, which is sometimes better, than waiting for the very end when he may be semi-comatose or fully comatose.
I know how hard this time of life is for you, and my heart goes out to you. Sending you a hug and a prayer that God has mercy on your dad, your mom and you, and makes his transition painless and you and mom's pain minimized watching him transition to a state of perfect peace.
If you have to go home the Hospice Team can keep you posted as to his condition.
Some Hospice have an App that can allow you to monitor what is happening.
Make sure that you are listed as a person that is able to get/give information.
Hospice is for the entire family, so you should be able to talk with the social worker or nurse about his condition.
You dad isn't going to be the one to ask for morphine -- they'll give it to keep him comfortable. It doesn't knock him out cold -- it only stays in his system about two hours -- so I hope he isn't refusing it for the wrong reason.