My aunt suffered a stroke last week and was taken to the hospital when a neighbor called an ambulance. At the hospital she gave her sister's (my mother's) name as a contact. Unfortunately at the time my sister and I were trying to find out where she was taken so we couldn't talk to medical staff. The hospital has been calling my mother with updates and my mother somehow has become my aunt's medical decision maker although no formal health care proxy was filed. Unfortunately my mother has been going through numerous issues of her own, including going off her own medications (SSRI) which has made her a very poor communicator and she doesn't really understand her sister's (my aunt's) actual state after the stroke. Due to COVID restrictions there can be only one visitor for my aunt and that is me since my mom is not mobile and can't drive. I visit my aunt twice daily in the hospital and because of her aphasia and some memory loss she can be hard to understand sometimes when she is tired. The medical staff has presumed her to be incapable of making medical decisions, which is fine, but my mom is just not the best person to be making these decisions and being the lead communicator.
I feel like I have much valuable info to give the medical staff but they seem uninterested in me and only call my mother once daily. My mom either is not being told stuff or is not understanding what she is told, and my mom doesn't really understand the condition her sister (my aunt) is in. My aunt is capable of clear speech and thought when she is not tired, and perks up considerably when someone familiar (me) is in her room. We have tried to leave messages for staff that I can help establish her baseline cognition, but they only want to talk to my mom who is just not the best person to communicate with right now (and she hasn't even been able to see my aunt in the hospital)
How do I get the medical staff to at least add me as a medical contact? I don't care if my mom is still the health care proxy but I feel frustrated that no one gives me or approaches me for information. I know my aunt well and I can tell them what is and isn't normal for her cognition.
Your mom should be encouraged to tell them that she can't deal with it and to speak to you.
What you are running into is two fold, your aunt named your mom as her emergency contact and she is the legal next of kin if your grandparents are dead and your aunt is single with no children.
Get the patient advocate involved.