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Recently my Mom was in the hospital for 3 weeks before passing away. The hospital admitted her first into the covid ward which was empty then moved her to a room with 2 men and a woman. The hospital was not crowded, this is their policy to mix men and women with dementia. I was completely shocked as the men were ambulatory. There was no privacy using the toilet and I felt they didn't care about dignity for the elderly . Has anyone else run into this?

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It has become common to mix genders in all kinds of wards here, I guess that it's just a sign of the times.
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There is a great variety of learned opinion on this subject, arguing the pros and cons of mixed-sex wards (and that's even before you factor in the operational pros and cons).

You certainly wouldn't be alone in being alarmed at your elderly mother having to share facilities with demented older gentlemen at a time in her life when she was particularly vulnerable, but it honestly isn't as simple as that. The really important question is: what did she feel about it? Did she express any opinions to you or to anyone else?
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Penelope123 Jan 2022
No, she was unable to verbally say anything about the situation, but I knew my mother would not have wanted that.
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I don't understand the logic of mixing genders with dementia. I can see common areas like meals and a community room but there should always be separate male and female wings for the bedrooms. Especially since we see so many with dementia with inappropriate sexual fixation. I wonder how many rapes go unreported in these circumstances. I am guessing a lot.
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Penelope123 Jan 2022
I agree! Especially when one gentleman was walking around the room.
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Mixed gender sleeping areas are unacceptable. This country is getting too liberal in how life is perceived. Sometimes segregation is needed just so a person can have privacy and is safe,
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cwillie Jan 2022
I agree
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I do not agree with this. Ever since women's lib they have been mixing genders. Girls and boys in Middle School having sex and health classes together. I knew a woman that pulled her daughter out. Then its girls and boys gym together with a man teacher for the girls. Really, a girl wants to tell her male teacher why she can't shower today?

I agree, women and men suffering from Dementia should not be placed together in the same room. Women can be just as bad as men. I may call an Ombudsman to see why this seems to be a new thing. My Mom didn't like men. Have no reason why because my Dad never hurt her. But she just didn't like them.
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This is absolutely absurd.

I’ve shared hospital rooms with other women. Sometimes, each person just has to “look away” and give the other patient the illusion of “privacy”.

How in the world can that be done with mixed genders? Don’t people living with dementia have SOME right to privacy?

Having just spent A LOT of time in the hospital this year, reading it thinking how this could be MY fate, makes my blood boil.
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Since 2017 in California, there's been a rule that "transgender WOMEN" can be housed with bio women in LTCs. We are not talking about people who had the surgery, for the most part. All they have to do is Say They Identify and then they can be with the women with their full male package.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2022
That is wrong. If a person is a full anatomical male they belong being housed with other males in nursing homes, hospitals, and LTC's. The same should fly for biological females as well. These days combative, psychiatric patients who become too much to handle at the group home many live in, they will often get sent to a nursing home or other LTC facility. A transgender man who is anatomically a female is at high risk for rape in such a situation. They may identify with being a male but under the hood they are not one and would be at risk being housed with men. Especially ones with dementia or some other psychiatric illness. Maybe they will just have to have a private room for such people.
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Ridiculous and totally unacceptable to put men with women in the same room, especially considering the sex obsessions many people with dementia have! To expect them all to use the same bathroom as well is beyond absurd. If such a practice is a 'sign of the times', then the times need a changin'.

I'd have pitched a huge fit if this happened to my mother b/c I've never even heard of more than 2 people to a hospital room; according to my mother's secondary Medicare insurance, she's entitled to a PRIVATE room in any case. But then again, I'm a pain in the butt to deal with under normal circumstances :)

We just had a not-so-great experience in the ER with my mother who was rushed there by ambulance with chest pains, and I was horrified at the terrible treatment she was given. I think the medical industry in general turns away from caring for the very elderly and sends them packing, even when they show up with medical emergencies. My mother should have been given a CT scan, at a minimum, but was given only a blood test and then sent back to her Memory Care after the doc said she 'didn't have any idea' if she had heart problems! Nice, huh? I left a horrible response to the survey the hospital sent me the next day after her debacle there and signed her up with hospice instead. I will NEVER send her back to the ER again unless she's bleeding to death or has a broken bone that needs attention.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, and sorry that she was given such shabby treatment at the hospital during the last days of her life. Look into filing a complaint with the hospital, that's what I'd do.
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I can't know what ward you would be speaking of. I do know that normally, in any hospital, even those with a psychiatric unit, the men and women are most often mixed. They are not mixed within their own rooms at all, but they are in the common area, and most patients in fact during the day did stay in the common areas most often. There were male and female bathrooms and bathrooms in the individual's rooms. The bathrooms did have locks, but as you can well imagine all personnel on the unit had master keys to the bathroom. There were areas that were more isolated and better staffed for patients who were in crisis.
As you will likely also know, most Board and Care, Nursing Homes and Assisted livings, other than the actual room assigned to the patient, have people together in the common rooms, and in many many of the memory care, males and females are often together in the common rooms.
I have never heard of people being kept together in their ROOM, mixed male and female, unless that room had personnel in attendance.
I can't vouch for the reasons this may have occurred? You said there was a "covid room" that was empty and not being used for covid that was at some point being used? Can't know what type hospital, what the circumstances. If this is of concern consider speaking with someone who has information for you. I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your Mom, and I recognize that what you really are disturbed by here is something you consider to be really off. I would think that if you expressed that this is bothering you a lot, and you would just appreciate some answers, they will find someone who can speak with you. I know my hospital would have. I am hoping the administration here is open to your questions. As I said, in a career in nursing I have never seen an instance where males and females were assigned together to a room of their own if they are unrelated.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2022
Alva,

Common areas are different. Those places are large open spaces. There is always staff coming and going and prior to Covid restrictions there was visitors coming in and out seeing their family members in residence.
Integrating the sexes in a bedroom that is hundreds of feet away from the nearest nurse's station puts women at risk. Especially at night when there are less staff than during the day and who knows how many even make their rounds in the overnight when there's no one there to make sure they do?
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The question I'd have is whether there was someone keeping an eye on them beyond just the nurse who comes in to take BP or dispense meds every few hours. My mom was in the hospital when she was earlier in her dementia journey, and after she tore out her IV, they moved her to a room right next to the nurse's station with a CNA sitting right outside the door doing work on a computer. Mom and another man in the room next door both had dementia, and just needed that little bit of extra supervision.

Everyone in one room together is absolutely not OK in my opinion, but overall I found hospitals do not handle dementia patients well at all.
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