Unfortunately I have a demanding career that makes it difficult to drop everything each time my elderly, ill, living at home, 90 yr old mother calls needing milk or bread or a ride to the dr or an Rx picked up and although she has friends and neighbors to help she relies on me 100% (only child here) and to complicate things I live an hour away - I worry constantly and it is interferring with sleep and life. She won't accept home health care and she says assisted living is out of the question - she says she "cannot depend" on me (making me feel guilty). How does one balance all this, not lose my job and keep sane?
there are many services that deliver groceries these days like peapod. And yes, finding a pharmacy that delivers, or switching mom to mail order is a lifesaver.
with regard to Assisted Living (or more likely) Independent Living, my mother said no repeatedly. It turned out that she harbored many myths, misperceptions and a healthy dose of my late dad's paranoia about leaving her home. In the suburbs . With no sidewalks. And no neighbors at home during the day. And three levels to take care of. And nothing within walking distance, and no way to get there when it snowed. And on and on.
I'm not as nice as Frequent Flyer. I sat my mom down and told her that she was going to be the death of my brother, having to come to her rescue, shovel her out, fix her toilet. She loved Independent Living. She ate better, had an on site doc and meds delivered. At some point, dear, you have to stand up for you.
Something my parents did before I came home was hired a person to take my mother to the grocery store and doctor appointments. They paid the person $50-100 a trip, depending on what needed to be done. I wonder if your mother would be open to this. It was a huge help to them.
Your mom may be creating these needs in order to see you more often. I think I would arrange for the home drug delivery and other delivery options and let mom know you are only able to come to her house a certain number of times per week. Maybe once is sufficient. Buy in bulk and make sure she has enough to last for weeks. Then you have no reason to feel distracted every day at your job.
As long as she has neighbors who are available in an emergency and she knows how to dial 911, you should devote your time to where you need to devote it. If she's not managing well, you may have to insist on changes. Sometimes the elderly are not willing to listen to reason.
When my cousin went into dementia, she would call me many times per day and ask me to bring her food, milk, cat food, etc. When I would arrive, there was plenty of food, milk and cat food. Her dementia caused her to not be able to figure this out. I might check the cabinets and make sure your mom is correct about the things she needs.
People warned me about the stress of care giving. I learned first hand. I suffered some health consequences. Don't let it eat you up. You have to protect your own health. Good luck.
Putting yourself first isn't easy but necessary for your own physical and emotional wellbeing. Good luck!
I spoiled my parents when Dad first stopped driving years ago, but that was the wrong thing to do. Recently I had to cut back my driving by 90% due to my own medical issues, and my folks are now like deer in headlights not knowing what to do. "Who's going to drive us" guilt thrown at me.
I have been using an on-line grocery service, with curb-side pickup or home delivery, which has been great. Shop in front of my computer once a week. If Mom had her way, I would be inside a grocery store every other day, and depending on what is on sale, a different grocery store each time. Not happening, Mom, I can't do that anymore, too exhausting for me.
As mentioned by others above, buy more items. When my Mom orders 2 cans of soup, if it is on sale I buy 6 cans. No more waiting until she is down to one roll of toilet paper, if I see a good sale I buy the large package for her. She's doing better on her ordering :)
Sometimes it can take tough love before we can get our parent(s) to accept home help care. My parents refuse any outside help. What I have been doing lately is saying I had totally forgotten about this request or that request, saying my memory isn't as good as it use to be. I drag my feet for as long as I can hoping that my parents might make the first gesture to hire some help. I am still waiting.