How can I be patient with my mom when she says the same thing over and over again?

I am going through the exact same situation - it is extremely difficult. I love my Mom but I find my patience is wearing extremely thin. And just like you - I wish I could just have more patience... A friend who works with Alzheimer's patients (though my Mom doesn't have Alzheimer's) told me to just smile and nod because they won't remember words just feelings... She also pointed out my Mom is not herself all the time - sometimes she just wants to talk about the old days - other times she is just lonely and wants to talk just to be talking but as she never does anything new - she has to rely on her old memories.... I have tried it and I think there may be a learning curve for me because it hasn't worked thus far - or at least it doesn't work for long - I end up getting stressed anyhow.. As far as the meds go - I wrote out a list in very big print of the times and medicines to take and so far it has helped wonders... So basically, I have no solutions - just know there are others in your situation :) and you aren't alone!!!

I don't think there is a caregiver alive that does not get angry at times. The one being cared for can be a handfull. I have just started caring for my mother and sometimes I just want to scream.

When I feel that level of frustration coming on I step out for a few minutes. Sometimes I have to walk away many times in a short period of time.
My mother was not the best Mom. She has always had an issue with anger and now it is ten fold. But what are we going to do about it? Not much, just try to keep your own mental health in check

I am new to this site, and just reading the posts above have made me feel normal. I am the primary caregiver for my 86 year old grandmother. She still lives in her own apartment, but she has issues with her sight, and she's not as stable in her walking as she was 6 months ago. She's very insecure and very fearful. Her sons live out of state and provide very little support, and her daughter, my mom, has horrible anger issues, and resents her mother terribly. That leaves me! I have found that lately my patience level is wearing thin. I get so frustrated with my grandmother's constant complaining, and I have my own issues with her adult children, who view her as a burden, and rely way too much on me. I haven't had any outburts of anger in front of my grandmother, but my husband sure listens to me vent when I get home. God bless him, he's been a huge help to me. It's nice to know there are others who feel the same way.

Hi Moonbeam. I know how it is to lose it. My dad would keep closing the window, then I would open it, rewind-replay, rewind-replay. There were a ton of things, and it bugged me he couldn't change. But I lost my dad last week, and now I seem to have all the patience in the world, if he would just be in the room next door again. Just see the things you love about her, and know that the rest is just not her. Help her and the patience comes.

patience is a virtue (none of us are born with it, especially me LOL) My mother-in-law has al;zhemier's in the early stages, plus a hoarding issue with picture frames, LARGE hard covered books, and 33 rpm records. No short term memory so she either forgets she ate or forgets to eat, and handles her medication the same way. We have dozens of bags of cat food and litter, but she insists she is out of it when we go to the store. My father-in-law passed away early this year and he bascially took care of everything for her. My husband and I are retired and decided we could not take care of her from 1400 milkes away so we sold our ranch, I closed my small successful business and moved back to Mom's town. (We had planned for years for her to move out with us, but when push came to shove, she was not moving, refused to leave her "stuff" plus for her mental state it was best to leave her in her familiar environment) When we got back it was immediately clear that buying place even down the street would not work. There was no way she could live by herself and the house had so many issues that needed fixing. We have spent the last several months doing needed house repairs and slowly boxing up the 10,000 pounds of books and records and other "bargains", that were stacked floor to half way up the walls. We now have SEVEN rental storage units for our own things, plus Mom's stash! There were three rooms, you could not even walk three feet into. The basement is a nightmare of stinky, moldy piles of stuff, in some areas piled OVER MY HEA.D. We haven't even touched that yet. I'm saving it for another rainy day...lol... Since I had an antique business and hope to open another here sooner than later, just for my own sanity, I still go to the flea markets and auctions. Of course, Mom has to come with me, so you can see where that leads!!! more picture frames and books! I think I am wholly responsible for keeping Rubbermaid in business.
My husband and I, with our two dogs and OUR two cats are currently living in a 12x16 foot uninsulated Florida room (just peachy in our 90 degree heat) with a portable AC unit. I just cannot wait until winter :) Mom keeps trying to feed the cats dog cookies and visa versa. She doesn't understand why the cats don't like six inch dog bones! But the dogs do love the Friskies.
And to top this, according to Mom, she HAS NO PROBLEMS! There is absolutely nothing wrong with her, she can drive if she wants to, and despite all the credit card companies and utilities calling for mulitple late payments, has everything under CONTROL.
Anyway, the only way to deal with the issues is don't!!! Just take day by day. And keep a great sense of humor. Learn to laugh at most minor things and learn the phrase "oh Really" with meaning when she tells you the same story for the tenth time that week. Keep a large calendar she can read and write down reminders and highlights of the day as if they were appointments, like "go to Grocery store", "get hair permed", etc. (yes, two days after her hair perm, she claimed she hadn't gotten one and needed to make an appointment) Don't use the words "don't you remember...." or "you need to....", because she doesn't remember and she doesn't like a bossy daughter-in-law. Allow yourself a daily Calgon moment and pat yourself on the back every evening for doing such a marvelous job (even if there were three temper tantrums and the dog is throwing up from all the cat food) ,

It's true that you need to keep a sense of humor and more importantly find humor in mundane things as you care for an elderly loved one. But I also know, first hand, just how hard that is. I care for my 85, soon to be 86, year old father with multiple health conditions. There are times I just want to pull the covers over my head and pretend I'm anywhere but in this situation. However, I also know that when my dad is gone, I will cherish the moments I now find so frustrating. A friend who is also a physician helped us make some life and death decisions about my dad at a time when he was in critical condition. His words to me at the time were "Just love him". My father remarkably, and to everyone's surprise, recovered and 3 years later is still plugging along. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have said those words in my head when I lose my patience with him. At times it's my mantra. But it truly does help me to keep things in perspective and remember why I'm doing this - purely out of love. Good luck and know that you're not alone!

@kcandrick and Kuli2106, thanks to both of you for your posts. Kuli2106, I like your mantra, and if you don't mind, it's going to become mine also. Much success to everyone who posts here with issues concerning an elderly loved one.

I know this is sometimes very difficult. Just take one day at a time. When you feel like you have reached the end of your rope -- smile and count to ten. My mother and father suffer from Alzheimer's and most of the time it works for me. After counting, I try to answer their question with a big smile and a very pleasant voice. I know they will not remember the answer and ask again. But, they usually glow and chuckle like I gave them the world. If the count does not work for me, I remove myself from the room. Talk it through with myself and go back. First and foremost they are my parents. They could have aborted me as many people do today. But, instead they gave me the gift of live -- for that I am thankful. As a toddler and a young person, I must have asked them the same question over and over and over again. But ,I do not ever remember them being tired of answering my questions. So, my goal is always to show them love and respect and remember that some day, I may be wearing their shoes -- (Matthew 7:12) “All things, therefore, that YOU want men to do to YOU, YOU also must likewise do to them; this, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean. . ." Keeping it as positive as you can means less wear and tear and stress on you. Just think of her as your little child. If you are not successful everyday -- none of us are -- just do not give up. You can do this. (smile) Look for the positive and enjoy the time you have with her now, because you do not know how her -- or your days -- are numbered. Wishing you the best and knowing you will be a successful, happy caregiver.

Moonbeam, maybe it would help if you could write out some notes for your mother in BIG BLACK PRINTED LETTERS. For example, you could leave one describing exactly how she should take her medication, how much, when, etc....and leave it in plain sight on the kitchen table. Anything having to do with eating food could be written on a note taped to the refrigerator door. The she wouldn't have to ask you repeatedly how to do things. Hope this helps....

One other suggestion as far as her medications is what I've done with my dad - i have 3 different colored weekly pill boxes that I set up for him once a week, labelled with magic marker as "morning", "noon" and "night". He keeps the pill boxes on the kitchen table where he can see them as he eats breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also purchased an alarm clock from a senior website that allow you to record messages to remind them in a familiar voice to take their medications or any other reminders throughout each day. My dad especially likes it because he forgets what day it is and this device also clearly displays the day, date and time. This may be an option to help with the medication issue.

Moonbeam, I have been, once again, asking myself the same question about the patience I cannot seem to find lately. Frustration, lack of control(of the situation) and stress seems to have a hold on me. This is a normal part of cargiving...I guess. My Mother is 84 and has memory issues...I do not think it is anything other than the pain meds and alcohol...yeah...makes for some fun times. They are taking their toll lately. We knew about the bridge game on Wednesday but she announced on Tuesday that she needed a ride to the club for bridge...not unusual that we did not know about this game. So my husband took her...I was at work. I got the call at work that she had the wrong day and needed a ride home. I was by myself and could not leave the store. I went to pick her up when my employee came back from lunch...could not reach my husband. She was not there...one of the club employees ran her home...she did not bother to call me so I had just wasted an hour of my time and gas. And she does not understand why I am annoyed...she had all kinds of excuses why she could not call...does no good to talk to her. Then she called again later to tell me she had drugs to pick up just as I was returning home again. That's what she told me, when I came in the house...ok I'll get them tomorrow. So Wednesday comes...I take her to bridge. She then informs me that she has a perscription AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE I need to pick up AND drugs at the Pharmacy. OH>>> the doctors office is 2 blocks from where I work that I just left to take her to the club. Back to the doctors to pick up the perscription and off to the pharmacy to get the drugs...I will have to wait fot the new one....they are closed for lunch..it is at Costco. I go back home put away groceries and go back to Costco to drop off the perscription and wait to pick up all the various drugs. Back home for a few minutes and go pick her up at the club. No thank you's and just can't under stand why I am annoyed..."I am always mad at her" I just wanted a heads up on the drugs and perscriptions pick up abit ahead of time. But that is just too difficult for her to do...because she does not know when they will be ready...how about telling me she is waiting for her perscriptions and will let me know when they are ready...This almost turned into another battle...Am I asking too much here??? It seems that once you get annoyed like this over and over it becomes a habit that is hard to let go of. I truely feel your pain...also the guilt that then goes with those feelings...cause you should not feel anger or lose patience...after all you love them...I am starting to not feel anything...love or hate...if you don't feel anything then you don't care and they can't get to you....I don't know...no answers....just understanding for all of the folks that have posted here. My sympathies.

My Mom is 83 and came to live with me 4 months ago. I rearranged my house so we have a duplex type arrangement. She find a reason to stay in my side of the house. She somewhat independent, but seems to find it easier to me to do many of the small things I think she did by herself before she came to live with me. My patience seems to be less and less. I find myself just trying to ignore her so she will decide to go to her livingroom, but that is not happening. She says she gets lonely. Friends have stopped coming to visit me as they find her annoying. People who were my friends tell me I should not expect help from nearby relatives and I chose to be her caregiver and not let her go to a nursing home. I know I love her and will miss her when she is gone, but I am struggling to find the patience she deserves now. I love inspirational phrases like the some of you have mentioned. I will try those. Thanks

Hi Cottonpicker,

It's tough (and rewarding) caring for an elderly loved one. I know exactly how you feel. I cared for my grandmother for almost 5 years. My situation wasn't as challenging as yours, as my grandma lived in an independent living senior apartment complex. The only suggestion I can make is to set aside some time for YOU. And don't feel guilty about it. Whether it's going to your side of the house to read or watch TV, or talk on the phone..... or getting out of the house for awhile, you need some breathing room, otherwise you will be no good to yourself or to your mom. Being stressed out will only make things harder on the both of you. If your mom is the type who constantly wants to know what you're doing, or where you are going, just tell her you need some time to yourself, that you love her, but it's important for you and her that you get this time alone. In a nice way, tell her that you know she gets lonely, and you understand that, but you need an hour or two to do some things on your own and the two of you can spend time together later.

Like you, my friends couldn't relate to my situation and offered little support because they just didn't understand what I was going through and I never wanted to seem like I was complaining, so I didn't ever go in depth with them about everything. I didn't do this, but I think there may support groups out there where you meet up with folks who are in similiar situations. There's nothing better than being able to talk to someone who "gets it."

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but in my most stressful times, I would take time to pause, remembering that my Heavenly Father was with me through the good and the bad, and that He saw everything. He knew my struggles, He knew when I was losing patience with my grandma, He knew that my grandmother's own kids weren't doing anything to care for their mom and instead let the care of their mom fall on me... And as crazy as it may sound, just knowing that He was aware of everything, that gave me peace.

My grandmother died last May, and I miss her very much. I'm so thankful that I had those years with her. No regrets. The only thing I would have done differently is: I would have asked family members to step in and help. Even if it meant coming over and taking my grandma grocery shopping, just to give me a break from it for a week. Or asking them to take her to her next Dr. appt. Or asking them to just stop by once a week and visit with her. But in my mind, I figured it would be like pulling teeth to ask for a little of their support, so I never did, I just took on everything myself.

Just remember, if we aren't taking care of ourselves, we can't take care of others. I can remember getting "snappy" a few times with my grandmother, and I was so mad at myself for it. But I responded that way because I was tired and stressed. I wish you the best, and just remember, when it seems like nobody sees or cares about what you've done to help your mom, there is One who knows your heart, and He sees the awesome thing you've done. He doesn't get upset with you either when he sees you getting upset and losing patience. He understands all that you're going through.

I have a journal that I write in. It is titled, sometimes I love her and sometimes I hate her. That is very hard to confess but it is true. Sometimes I love her so much, it hurts and there are other times that when I am cariing for, I feel so angry. She is 72 with moderate stage alzheimers. I am 49, single, work at home, and took my mother in four years ago. I moved her to Arkansas in september as my brother said he wanted to help with her and be a part of her life. He lied. I am now here and I have found myself in a position of being 100% resposnbile for every aspect of her life, emotionally, physically, financially and all of her activities of daily living, dressing, showering, shaving her legs, making her meals, tucking her in bed at night... I think on of the hardest aspects of this is that she was, from the time I was born, a very selfish, self--centered, abusive mother.. especially verbally. I do not remember ever being nutured by her.. only verbally abused. I love my mother and for some reason felt so compelled to come to her rescue but sometimes I love her and sometimes I hate her (not realy but it just feels that way). I would say 90% of the time, I am very kind, patient, and giving. The other 10%.. I blow it and feel so very bad.. Today, I gave her a shower, shaved her legs, etc.... When I was done, I found myself so stressed out. I used to take very good care of myself, live near my children and grandchildren and enjoyed life. Now, I live 17 hours away from any family, have gained almost 50 lbs, and feel very, very lonely. When I finished with my mom today, I was filing my nails, and she came to me and said.. can you blow dry my hair. I just freaked out... I hate myself for it. I told her that I will do it in a minute, can't she see I am doing something for myself.. it is not always about her... blah.blah... I feel like a horrible, horrible person when I snap at her. I will see the hurt on her face and I feel bad, but it brings back so many memories of when I experiernced that same hurt when I was a child and she would say very mean, hurtful, cruel things to me that wounded my spirit. It's like I feel that woundedness all over again when I see it on her face. I am very sad and confused right now... Sometimes I love her and sometimes I hate her (not really). I am just so burned out .... God help me...

I dealt with my grandmother and now my mother with dementia. My mom is not as out there as my grandmother was but some days when i am about to lose it i just answer the same question with different answers. I sometimes do it just to see what she understands. I find it helps to talk to friends going through the same issues with their family. There is no answer other than hang in there and take a deep breath. good luck

I feel better reading this. I just don't seem to have any patience for my mother. My husband and son just lecture me and that angers me even more! I gues I am not so abnormal after all! Thank you!!!

I too am stressed by my 81 year old mother's repetitive questions. "What day is it?" "What month?" "Where do my cousins live?" I am of the same mind as kuli. I cherish hearing her voice. My grandmother, her mother, had Alzheimer's and reached a point where she was non-verbal for many years. This fate might happen to my mother . Although I am far from perfect, I try focus on my love of hearing her speak rather than the content of what she is saying.

My dad passed away in October last year. I would give anything to have him asking me the same question over and over again. I miss him so much. Please take a deep breath and cherish the moments you have, as frustrating or irritating as they might be. Our care receivers certainly don't want to be this way. God bless all of the caregivers of the world~ Kuli

Moonbeam, Welcome to the world of caregiving, oh, and human nature! We can't be as perfect as we would like to be. How about you giving your mom her meds instead of leaving it to her? It just might be easier that way, and believe me this is all about making things easier for the both of you. Also, you'll be sure that she got the correct medication. Sometimes It's difficult to understand how sick are parents really are? I'm not sure I'll ever understand how terrible my mom feels. I can only see it in her eyes. I remember when she wasn't as sick as she is now, and there were times that I would lose my patience too. It's very normal, we have all been there. I'm going to guess something here about you..... I'm guessing that you are not getting enough sleep. Could I be correct? If this is true, than you need to find a way to make sure that you get the rest you need. It's very important!!!! It's a difficult job, hang in there. It only gets harder, but you can do it. Make sure you always find time for yourself first. Good luck

My 90-year-old mother lives with me and she has some cognitive issues. It's hard for her to move through her days without guidance. I'm not a very patient person by nature, so life's a challenge sometimes. One problem we were having was that she is unable to decide what to wear, would ask me to choose, then would not like what I chose, and we'd be off on a negative start to the rest of the day. I printed out a list of outfits--for at home, going out, dressing up--not a long list, but some options. This is helping, usually she chooses something from the list even if she then asks me if I think it's ok. For us, writing things down is generally helpful. I've put in her bathroom step-by-step lists for her morning routine and for cleaning her glasses. I keep a whiteboard in the upstairs hall, which also has her daily routine for the morning, plus today's day and date, and anything special for the day (doctor's appointments, exercises, any "treats" for dinner or on tv). I'm glad I happened on this site, because some of the above comments were quite helpful.

My grandmother had Alzheimer's and we had the same conversations over and over and over. What's to get mad at? If you were in her shoes, would you want someone to get mad at you? As for meds, in this situation you must administer them yourself. They can't do that for themselves even with reminders.

Ugh, this is so hard, I'm glad I saw this today, I needed it. My patience is MIA today. It is so hard.

You are all amazing ...Thank you .I really needed this .I feel normal again...At least for the moment......

My Mom started showing signs of Alzheimers and I watched, looked and listened for a few months to make sure before I mentioned it to my Dad...as we were going to start having her see a dr my Dad almost died from sudden heart problems...he was in ICU for 4.5 months. During that time I continued to watch over my Mom while trying to get my Dad thru his medical emergency. I had felt like the weight of the entire universe was on my shoulders !!! Fortunately my husband and son picked up any work to be done at home; my husband was laid off at the time so he was able to stay at the hospital daily with my Dad while I worked fulltime, managed my Mom with her daily needs and made all major decisions regarding both my parents. I had contacted their attorney and immediately made preparations for Durable Power of Atty for both, etc in case of death of my dad so at least the legal papers were in place for the future...I don't know how I got thru it all but somewhere a long time ago I had heard someplace that one's life is preparation for the future; you go thru your life learning things that you will one day need to be prepared for....this statement played over and over in my mind and knowing that and pulling all my strength from deep in my guts got me thru it somehow without having a nervous breakdown !!! As soon as my Dad was released from the hospital and then to a rehab facility, and he finally was able to go home 2 months
later (he was gone a total of 6 months) I started taking my Mom to a gerontologist who has helped my Mom, and my family , so much. She is on meds, and even though she is progressing with her Alzheimers she is doing ok but as we all know it is still going to get worse eventually...my dad is hanging in there but is now getting worn down and I am afraid her illness is wearing on him so I'm sure in time my Mom will need to be placed somewhere where she can get her daily help necessary. It is pure torture for me since both my parents are so ill at the same time but life does not always give you choices...you just have to handle what you are given. I once told my Dad when he made a comment to me on 'how can you do all of this???" and I answered him 'because you made me strong, Dad, I couldn't have done this if it wasn't for you"...I love you and Mom and I don't want anyone else to take care of you-I will always be here for you and will always love you and Mom, I won't let anyone take advantage of you, and I won't let anyone hurt you"...he just smiled....as hard , exhausting and frustrating it is at times to take care of them both, deep down I will always go back....my husband is now employed again but he is an over the road truck driver and is only home one weekend a month. Wow - talk about more work and stress on my shoulders but my son, almost 15 yrs old has been my guardian angel and helps me out alot around the house and picks me up when i am a little down. In fact, this has brought us closer together even though we've always been close. For stress relief I garden, shop online, spend quiet time with our 2 dogs and clean which is really a great way to relieve stress !!! I also try to put myself in my parents shoes thinking how awful it must feel to be so very ill and not know how much longer they'll remember life...so, it gives me a perspective that is hard learned and so therefore, I continue on....some days are good, some days are bad and a sense of humor really does help.....I will do this for as long as I most possibly can. I even just recently quit my job so I could give myself a little bit of breathing room and it was a good choice. Probably financially it wasn't the best idea, but at least I am not feeling so overwhelmed with no time to do anything...I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone but I just was reading some of the other entries and I just started typing....tomorrow I have to go see my Mom and try to get her to start doing her exercises again...she just stopped one day about a month ago ; found every excuse under the sun why she could not do them, and is now really suffering with her RA but she can't remember how to do her exercises I think ....gut instinct is telling me this so I will try and figure them out with her. I contacted her dr and getting some sent to her via postal mail and get her back on track. She also lies so i always have to try and figure out difference between her lies and what is really going on....well, thank you for reading this, and hope it gave you some insight on maybe a problem you are having with a loved one...It just felt like some therapy for me to just type about my situation...thank you and good luck with your loved one(s)....

I have read responses to how to force siblings to help but I still have not been able to figure it out. My mother in law has lived in the house next door to us for 2 years, since my father in law passed. She is still a sweet old lady but I am tired of taking care of her. She has dementia and cannot cook, drive, or manage her meds. My husband and I do that for her. He has three siblings and none of them is willing to help. I cannot tell you the number of times we have scheduled vacations or times they have said they would take care of her and at the last minute, they have cancelled. Last year we had put 3000 dollars on a beach house and two day before we were to leave my sister in law called and said her mother in law had cancer and was dying and she had to go to visit her. Her MIL did indeed have cancer and she lived for 4 months after that but my sister in law did not even attend her funeral. His brother lives about 20 minutes from us and does nothing because "It pains him to know his father is gone and his mother is now what she is." My husband admits we cannot depend on them for anything but he insists his mother is not much trouble. She isn't but I am tired. I have a job and three kids, one with disability. I would like to see either the siblings supporting us more often or my mil in a nursing home but neither of those seems to be agreeable. My husband says she will die if he puts her in a nursing home. What can I do??Please don't tell me to walk. I love my husband and I love my mil. I just need a support system. By the way, we have caregivers 4 days a week in the am. I just want to be free to vacation, visit my own parents, and have a life without trying to figure out what to do with her.

I am going through the same problems. My mother is 88 , still living alone. She is still relatively healthy, and although her long term memory is great, her short term memory is causing a lot of our issues. We get calls almost every day that she needs something at this store or another. Within the last two years, she stopped driving and thinks we can just drop everything and run to the store every time she calls. I have tried to get her to look at senior living arrangements and she wants nothing to do with them. I will do whatever I can because I never know when she wont be here anymore. Yesterday I visited her, she was fine. Today I called to check on her due to the heat we are experiencing this week and she said we had to go shopping for her , she was out of everything. Why didn't she say something yesterday??

My 93-year-old mother, who lives with me, has started doing this. Repeating the same things over and over again. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, other times I want to scream, sometimes I freak out and scold. My brain knows she cannot help it, but when I'm tired or stressed or worried, the useful part of my brain doesn't have the last say. She just doesn't have a grip on time or repetition or routines anymore, and there is no telling what she'll remember and what she won't.
We recently adopted 3 cats; one is huge. Every time, and I mean every time, my mother sees this cat, she says "Remember, you're a big cat not a fat cat." When she does that, my heart goes out to her and my annoyance/anger/whatever disappears.
This is all so hard. I figure I can't be my best self all the time, nobody can. Here's a quote from advice columnist Carolyn Hax that helps me: "It’s not about being unruffled. It’s about retraining ourselves to use more productive behaviors than the broken, maddening, ineffective, self-destructive old ones. It’s about figuring out our limits and enforcing them in ways that preserve our self-respect and sense of goodwill—and, ideally, our relationships."

I have a similar question with a different spin, and I truly, really, sincerely hope someone can think of an answer for me. It's just me and Mum here. She's almost blind, broken hips, falls down, that sort of thing. I am a new Catholic ( and so darned proud of myself! ) I studied for almost four years, and made it official in July. With all this knowledge, you'd think I could figure this out. I have searched high and low for prayers, instructions, something I can really use to help me be patient. I am SO moved by my new religion ( Cool about Pope Francis, isn't it?! ) and it helps a lot, but I really need some specific help. I learned and became Cathoic in French, and moved backed to Alabama when she needed me, so I don't have a church, I do not drive. Sometimes she has a catty remark, all the stories in which she is the heroine, saying the same thing five, six, seven times in a row. Wow. Has anyone else found such a thing that perhaps gives more MEANING to what I am doing here, and have Peace while I'm doing it? We don't have any family, or brothers and sisters. Thank you 😊

There are 186 Catholic churches in Alabama. Since your new religion means so much to you, why don't you find and join the closest? Even if you can't participate directly very often, I would think the association would be a comfort to you. And perhaps you can find someone to car pool with occasionally.

When I was raising my children, I had a plaque in a hallway that said, "Lord, give me patience, RIGHT NOW!" Is that the prayer you need?

You moved back to Alabama when your mother needed you. Why? Can you sit down and make a list of the reasons you thought this would be a good idea? Do you still think most of those reasons are valid? If so, I would think that would help provide some meaning to what you are doing there.

Taking care of my husband through his dementia journey was extremely difficult, frustrating, and fatiguing. It was also always very meaningful. It was, in fact, probably the most meaningful thing I have done in my life. I knew why I was doing it, and all the reasons stayed valid.

So my first advice to you is to be very clear about why you are doing this at all. If those reasons don't provide meaning, then I don't think you are going to find it.

(I never found meaning in why my dear kind husband ever got dementia. I did find meaning in my own behavior.)

My second piece of advice is to polish up your acting skills. Ask yourself, "How would a patient person respond here?" Then act accordingly. Pretend you are auditioning for a play, and you have to demonstrate to the casting direction that you can act patient. This sounds silly, but I'm serious. You want to be patient? Act as if you are patient.

When you have just heard the same story four times and you don't think your acting skills will take you through the fifth, leave the room for a bit. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I need to get my sweater right now. Will you save this story to tell me when I come back?" (Notice that the patient actor did not say, "I have to leave this room or I will do something I will regret if I hear that story one my time!!"

I wish your mom were a brilliant conversationalist. I wish she had interesting new things to tell you about each day. I wish her stories weren't so self-centered. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. We have to deal with the hand we are dealt, not the cards we wish we had.

Figure out why you are doing this.
Act as if you had patience.
Limit your exposure to the situations that try your patience the most.

As far as medicine, I have each days worth in one box, and I tell her that the box must be empty at the end of the day. Even writing a note that she will see cuts down some on the questions over and over - like 'Your doctor appointment is tomorrow'.
Patience is not my strong point, so anything I can do to keep calm is good.