My brother and I decided today that our 93 year old Mom cannot take care of herself any longer. Her doctor and social worker both agree that she needs a Nursing Home. I feel guilty and very sad that it came to this. How do I get through this? My emotions are just raw now. I would love to hear from others in the same situation.
I remember being very sad and grief stricken when my mom entered a nursing home after a stroke and broken hip.
But I know I didn't feel guilt and I am pretty sure neither of my brothers did. Mom and Dad brought us up to look forward, make our way in the world and to take care of ourselves and our children. She and dad accumulated enough savings so that they wouldn't need to burden us with their care.
So, yes, grief and sadness. Guilt? No.
Mom thrived in her NH setting and lived for another 4 1/2 years. Got good care, good psych meds and good activities.
At nursing home he was bathed regularly, took his medicine on schedule, and became healthier than he had anytime in the previous two years. The staff was kind and caring. He did not want to be there - but he appreciated the staff. Plus he watched the same cowboy channel that he did at home and slept the rest of the time - just like at home.
How did he get there? he refused and refused until he fell and broke his pelvis and the decision was made for him. He should have been in NH three years prior to that.
My step mom felt no guilt - he was receiving BETTER CARE at the NH. Bottom line - BETTER. and it was a Medicaid nursing home
Like many on this forum, I had to wait for a medical emergency... 911, hospital, then nursing home. Mom was not able to function after a bad fall. I was so relieved she was now in a place where it's not their first rodeo. It was sad to see her in that medical condition but it was through her own stubbornness.
After my Mom had passed, even though Dad had 3 shifts of wonderful caregivers [Mom had refused to allow caregivers in the house], Dad said to me SELL the house, and he moved into senior living, and loved it there. He loved all the attention he was getting and being around other 90+ year olds :)
No guilt. No sadness as my Dad was smiling every time I visited. For my Mom, she needed a village to take care of her. A village of one or two just cannot do it.
Sad to watch the slow slide into senscence and not be able to really do much.
I wish, personally, that people would make the decision to move themselves into AL without making their families do this 'to' them.
As long as there is at least one person propping them up, nothing will change, so we don't make a deal out of it.
BTW, I would not feel guilty about placing either mother or MIL in a nice AL. They both would eat better, have more mental stimulation and possibly have a better QOL all around. But the NH of their parent's generations and the ones now are night and day.