I need help to make a decision. My mother is 97 and has Dementia. She fell at Christmas and broke her Distal Femur. She had surgery, but remains in bed in hospital. She cannot get out of bed without the aid of two people. She has very bad eyesight due to Macular Degeneration. The hospital says that she can be discharged to home once I have 2 people to lift her, wash her, get her to a commode etc. I can only be there Friday and Saturday nights, but I have reservations about caring for her personal hygiene. Do I bring her home or should I consider a Long Term Convalescent/ Care Home?
I 'think' you've already made up your mind to put her in a nursing home, but you need some confirmation that you are certain to get on this site. Logically, if 2 people have to be on duty all the time, even if you spend 2 nights there would be the second person there with you that could handle the personal hygiene or wiping her rear, if that's what you mean. Your reservations may not have anything at all to do with that task. Maybe you could make an easier decision about this if you just said, I can't/won't/don't want to do this caregiver thing.
Ask the doctor if she can go to rehab and give it a go there. You will have to be more involved than 2 nights a week to figure out what they are doing for her while she's there. It's extremely possible for the doctor to write an order that two people have to get her up, wash her, put her on commode, but it's highly unlikely it will ever happen. Rehabs and nhomes work understaffed because that's how they top out on profits. You may get the walk around in a beautiful facility and told there are always 2-3 caregivers on each wing/floor, but that's all in the sales pitch. If mom can't do for herself a little, she may get to go to the rehab area for a short period of time, but they aren't going to lift her and carry her to a toilet. A diaper will be slapped on her immediately. Short staffed means an older person can't hold their pee long enough to wait on someone to come to them. If she isn't pushing to get better, they aren't going to push. They will bring food trays instead of spending the time of taking her to the cafeteria (if it's open due to covid).
Can only assume dr is advising it's time to discharge home because he has a reason not to send her to rehab -- you really should ask why. Even if you aren't taking her home, would the rehab help her be a little stronger?. Isn't it worth a try? Can you commit to being her eyes (if they will let you in) to make sure she is getting rehab services being paid for. . .ensuring they are taking her to the toilet. . . etc.
If there is no one you have no option but to place her in Long Term Care. I doubt that Rehab would be effective.
It sounds like she would qualify for Hospice and with Hospice you would get equipment that you would need to transfer her easily. (not recommended but 1 person can move a person using a Hoyer Lift I did it for at least 2 years)
BUT this is up to you. YOU are the only one that can determine if she can safely remain at home.
If there is someone that will be with her 24/7
If the person with her can comfortably and safely use a Hoyer
then she could be cared for at home.
But if you are not comfortable with this option and there is no one else then she needs to be placed in Long Term Care.
Good luck!
A program in our state called IRIS is wonderful. They will help you so you can direct her care and hire the people you want to help. They will also assist with funding for things needed in the home.
Her insurance can also cover nursing in the home and rehabilitation right in the home. Please check into those possibilities. May God Bless you and your mother and help you to find the answers you need. May He heal your mother quickly!
If you can only be there two nights a week, your own reservations about supporting her personal hygiene are really neither here nor there: what's the main plan for providing for her care?