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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If your mom is a danger to herself or her care is just getting to be too much for you, then it's probably time to be looking into placing her in the appropriate facility. At some point it really doesn't matter what your mom wants or doesn't want, as you must do not only what is in the best interest of your mom and her safety, but also what is in the best interest for you and your wellbeing. The fact that your asking the question, means that the time has come to place her. I wish you the very best.
Tour some local memory care places. Ask your questions there, not relying on a sales pitch but gaining info on what the signs may be that it’s time. But overall, when her care is too complex for a home caregiver, when she’s not safe, when you’re too tired to function, when her needs can be better met by professionals, it’s time, and that’s okay. Don’t let guilt creep in, it’s on you to make the decisions that are in her best interests now, and she’s blessed to have you in her corner
You need an objective health provider to help you, and the best one for the job is a gerontologist. This should be her primary care doctor and they should be doing memory tests at specific intervals to see how she's doing. They will know when the time is right to recommend Memory Care. Don't try to make this decision on your own. You are too close to her, emotionally.
Lvnsm is correct. The ability to place an unwilling loved one into professional care often requires that they be deemed incompetent, even if they already have a diagnosis of dementia by a reputable doctor and you have a DPoA. This is the case in many states including mine which is Florida.
I come across a lot of people on this site who desperately want to place an elder and can't do it because the demented elder is still deemed "competent".
I wish there was more info on this forum or anywhere on how to deal with that problem, aside from "wait for a crisis".
OP- consult with an elder care attorney in your state to find out what you can and can not do.
The waiting for a crisis is very difficult. I want to move out, but don't want dad to be alone. I'm working on hiring a caregiver to help him. It might or might not work. Not sure what to do if doesn't work. Maybe if he has a mental breakdown, I'll take him to ER.
Sorry you are dealing with this tough situation. Unfortunately for mom, she does not really get a full vote anymore. If she can not take care of herself and be safe, which must be the case, then someone else has to do it. That someone has to be a willing party and if her care has become too much, then it is time for you to pass the responsibility on to someone else.
Options include having someone come into the home and provide her care. This can be very expensive and difficult to juggle but is a viable option.
Next is to find a facility that is a good fit for her. I have my MIL on a list for a facility near us that has assisted living and nursing home beds. They will assess her to see what is the best fit for her when an opening becomes available. Perhaps this is how other places work too? I would start calling facilities and see what their requirements are so you will know and can make an informed decision.
If your mother cannot care for herself anymore, then it is not her decision to make. You have to do what's best for her and yourself. That could mean nursing home placement. All elderly people are adamant about refusing to be put in a facility. I have yet to meet one who was ever willing to be taken out from their homes and put into a care facility. If you think it's time for your mother to go to a nursing home, then it probably is. I don't know if you've explored in-home care for her or if it's even an option.
Maybe many have seen that commercial a few years ago, where the older gentlemen couldn't make it up the stairs and lamented, time for the Nursing Home. He was happy when he learned about the Stair Lift system.
I have toured one aged care facility that had hallways that looked quite ship-like... I actually wondered how many thought they lived onboard, still cruising around on their retirement ☺️.
I know of one poster who's Mother thinks she lives in a fancy hotel (it's a memory care place).
Remember many elders remember 'nursing homes' of the past... grim asylums known as 'The Poor House', 'The Nut House' or even worse. Who'd willing want to go there?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The fact that your asking the question, means that the time has come to place her. I wish you the very best.
Don't try to make this decision on your own. You are too close to her, emotionally.
I come across a lot of people on this site who desperately want to place an elder and can't do it because the demented elder is still deemed "competent".
I wish there was more info on this forum or anywhere on how to deal with that problem, aside from "wait for a crisis".
OP- consult with an elder care attorney in your state to find out what you can and can not do.
Options include having someone come into the home and provide her care. This can be very expensive and difficult to juggle but is a viable option.
Next is to find a facility that is a good fit for her. I have my MIL on a list for a facility near us that has assisted living and nursing home beds. They will assess her to see what is the best fit for her when an opening becomes available. Perhaps this is how other places work too? I would start calling facilities and see what their requirements are so you will know and can make an informed decision.
Has she given you power of attorney, or any similar authority to make decisions on her behalf?
If you think it's time for your mother to go to a nursing home, then it probably is. I don't know if you've explored in-home care for her or if it's even an option.
I know of one poster who's Mother thinks she lives in a fancy hotel (it's a memory care place).
Remember many elders remember 'nursing homes' of the past... grim asylums known as 'The Poor House', 'The Nut House' or even worse. Who'd willing want to go there?