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Stop Mom from tipping Assisted Living (AL) Staff?


She’s been there less than a week & we’re remote. They have been helpful with laundry & bathroom messes. They also offered to run errands for her. Mom has very poor judgment & has no cash to spare. She’s wasted thousands ensnared in frauds in scams pre-AL. Next step is remove credit cards & cap monthly debit card. Really want to stop this. She doesn’t need to buy anything. We’re already ordering her supplies. Any suggestions? Maybe just have a credit w/hair dresser? She doesn’t need any other services. Except she wants “pocket change - credit card” to use a vending machine.

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Are you POA?

For my brother, who was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's by his symptoms, and who entered ALF, he made me POA for all finances. I was also Trustee of Trust. I paid all bills and managed all finances, and his ALF did not allow residents to keep cash in their rooms. So problem was thereby solved. He asked for a small spending account and I otherwise supplied him with a monthly rundown of his assets and costs and his finances in full. His spending account was for 1,000. It only grew while he was in care, that account.
My brother would ask ME as his POA to gift people, say the woman who cut his hair. He once made a small gift of cash to a woman who was fleeing her home. He made charitable contributions we discussed. But things pretty much had to go through ME. For his safety.

I would discuss first of all with administation on what their rules are on cash in rooms. Clearly your Mom likely should not have control over credit cards and large sums of money now, so this is a matter of whether you are POA and how best to handle this.
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LilyLavalle Nov 18, 2023
Also, I’m guessing the AL staff are not allowed to accept tips and should not be doing so.
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Most facilities have strict no gifting policies. I’d go to the administration and tell them what’s going on, and then I’d replace moms debit card with a green dot cash card.
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AlvaDeer Nov 18, 2023
For me my brother got to keep his credit card. They went shopping and it was convenient as he had no cash in his room. Or very little. I communicated with his credit card company as POA. I had to send them the documents, and they made the bills come to me; I was signed on as responsible. I was to monitor expenditures and was to let them know if I felt my brother no longer in control of his card. He had had the same card with them for MANY years, his ONLY credit card. My first call to any entity I worked with out there after D.'s death was the card to tell them of his death, and they actually thanked me for being so responsible in monitoring his account and being there for him.
There may have come a time, had he lived, that he could not have had this account. Happily that didn't happen. He died before Lewy's worst could catch him.
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My mother’s facility has a hairdresser that I pay for her. I also include a tip. They just charge my credit card. No need for her to even have a card or cash.

Then, I pay myself back from her funds.

We keep a spreadsheet that lists every single purchase and the reason behind it.

You could also keep track in a notebook.

We keep all receipts.
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A hairdresser can be tipped but the aides should not be and should not except. My Mom had no spending money in her AL. No vending machines.
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