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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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One of the benefits of this site is that you get a range of views. Thank heavens, politics is off the agenda, but religion is going strong. People of different faiths, or of no religious faith, may well think that some posts are ‘toxic’ because they don’t agree with them. Some posters clearly want everyone to respond that they are doing the right thing, and reckon that challenging views are ‘toxic’. However even posts that are really quite offensive can have something to offer. I spend a fair bit of time on the site, and I don’t often see posts that I would call ‘toxic’. What has upset you so much?
I'm not upset, I'm stressed out. But I do know the difference when someone says maybe you are the one who has dementia or implies that you're lying -that it isn't innocent. I wish it was FB, then we could block obvious negative/trolling people. I don't mind a different opinion or straight forward comments. I couldn't find any buttons or anything so that's why I posted.
No you cannot block people on this site. Only option is to ignore their posts. And don't let them get to you. At times you will find that you need a thick skins just as you do with caregiving.
Thick skin is good on the interwebs. Trolls are everywhere. I think having moderators is better, so when someone is consistently showing bad behavior, they can be warned or banned. Lots of forums have that.
Wide range of personalities, wide range of prior experiences, wide range of access to information, wide range of support of all kinds- family, community, financial.....
The common thread is dealing with an often in expected situation, knowing that whether we agree or disagree, we’re ALL dealing with stressful, discouraging, exhausting, life changing puzzles.
Even in disagreement, when we open this link, we know someone will read what write, and GET IT.
If you have time YoungCare, read a few responses from a few of the threads that apply to your situations. It doesn’t take to long to figure out who you’ll usually want to pass by and who will make observations that will resonate with your own situation.
Some of us feel comfortable enough to challenge each other when something rubs us the wrong way, and also to comment when something extra helpful gets posted, but however helpful OR snarky or toxic a post appears, the common thread is pretty solidly based on having each other’s backs and lifting each other up.
Feel welcome here. You never know when YOUR comment will be JUST what someone else needed.
If a forum member is posting on the forum, you can't block them. Speaking for myself, I wouldn't even want to. It isn't healthy only ever to listen to views you approve of.
You can prevent people sending you messages - you can switch messages off in your profile section - but it is better to report anything offensive or abusive to the moderators. In more years than I care to count I have had no more such messages than I can count on one hand: most of them I've just deleted, one or two I felt I did have to report and they were dealt with immediately and effectively.
Ah. another Facebook user!! Welcome. Don't you LOVE that little block button. I block them because I simply cannot stop "going there". Recently Cali here told me that if someone annoys me so much (he did) perhaps I should consider, when I see his name, moving on (I don't). THAT annoyed me, too! But she was absolutely right. There is no magic block button here, but we can make a practice of first looking at the poster's name, then scrolling down if we have already had a bad day and don't want it to be worse. And if a person is mean and inappropriate, there is a report button. The admins are active and fast. You will find with time you recognize the approach of so many here. It will kind of be like Uncle Ned at Thankgiving dinner. Dreaded, but on some level kind of fun. Or you will see a name and know you are getting gentle, kind, and good advice. Then there are people I admire more than I can say. Always level and kind and with brilliant information. Igloo comes to mind. Mr. Bill however he spells it. Mstrbill? So many others. There are those who talk too much (I hold the current championship buckle for that one). Young Care, stick around. I don't think you will find many who are "toxic" here. You may find some you don't like at all, but then that is honestly real life. And there is such great and valuable information here. I used this site for care topics and advice and comfort when I fell down the rabbit hole of dementia in the family, of care I had not a clue how to do. It was such a help to me. I hope it will be to you. Welcome!
I’m not a Facebook user on principle, so perhaps I’ve got this wrong, but it has seemed to me that on Facebook everyone looks wonderful and tells all their friends how wonderful they are too. This site is really different, with people often saying that you’re not being realistic, just accept that your ideas won’t work etc etc. Unpalatable perhaps, but not toxic (ie seriously poisonous). Perhaps it’s just a matter of adjusting to the difference. Another option is to say in your question that you just want to 'vent', which should give you sympathy but not suggestions.
Hee! I give advise to the venters, too. Heaven knows how many have blocked me on FB. It's the arts and crafts for me; I absolutely love it. But when politics trips in the door I make excellent use of the block button. It's a delight! I agree; I don't find people on Forum to be toxic.
The forum here is different then Facebook. People can vent here in a safe space to people who know exactly what they're going through. There's a lot of good advice offered to, gleaned from people who are rich in experience from being elderly caregivers. Sometimes the people here might tell it rough, but they usually tell it true.
I did not say what you wrote below. Your comment is not correct. I did not Even know that you found my comment offensive until another forum member mentioned it in a PM.
After reading it, I took a little time to think about how best to respond to allow you to move past this drama. So I might not have even responded if you hadn’t written what you did on this post. So I’m glad you did.
I’m really sorry you are having such a tough time and my intention was only to offer help. I did notice the Young part of your name and that’s why I ask if you were the one that was 68? On this site we often refer to anyone in their 60s as being young to have such a serious condition. And your mom is young to have her problems. We sometimes have posters when filling out their bio, who somehow put their name and age in the space where the LO names and age goes. I was confused. I apologize. I should have taken the time to clarify your circumstance. And I do know that younger people are on SS etc. I have three grand nieces on it right now as their father died in an auto accident at 36 just this past January. I’m glad you have that help. I wasn’t doubting you were on Medicare. I’m not sure why that was mentioned. I knew that AAA offered help and advice to seniors and their caregivers. I hoped they might help you find respite for your mom.
And by the way Area Agency on Aging, which I recommended to you, also offers help for disabilities in some states if that applies. You can find them by searching for Area Agency on Aging along with your city and state.
Now about the hallucinations and dementia comments, I did not say that. “Said with all due respect but it seems to me that your lack of restful sleep is affecting your ability to make lucid decisions.”
Turns out I do know a little about sleep deprivation and the problems it can cause. Here is a link that discusses the symptoms and affects of sleep deprivation. I think when you look it over, if you care to, you might find some interesting descriptions that could apply to you and, or mom.... one of which happens to be hallucinations although I did not say you have hallucinations, that was your word. My intention was to encourage you to value your own health. You asked for advice. To me, the bottom line was you need sleep.
You have given me a lot to think about and I’m sorry I didn’t see your post until you had stewed on it for so long. I have found myself getting very upset over things before. It’s not a pleasant feeling. I hope this bit of clarification can help you reframe my comments in a more favorable light. I wish you nothing but peace and restful sleep.
Dear 97etc, Yikes! Please don’t worry, you’ve done nothing wrong. Your posts are helpful, and you are certainly not going to be removed from the forum. Your kindness in responding is a lesson for all of us.
Aging care site is very helpful. I have been on this site for one year and everyone on here has been very helpful. There is a lot of wisdom here and people are willing to share their experiences with each other. People care on here. I am in a much better place now than I was a year ago.
Dont give up on the site. Everyone has a lot to offer. If it doesn’t pertain to you, you don’t have to take their advice.
No, u can't block here like on Facebook. This is a forum and as such, you are going to find some members who seem blunt in how they approach things. We have our Trolls too. I have been here for a while as have some others. You learn to work around the personality. You take what you need from the group and leave the rest.
I skimmed thru ur first post. I really didn't see where anyone was rude just up front. You are dealing with a desease that is very unpredictable. Mom can no longer be reasoned with. She also cannot process what is being said to her. Or comprehend. Short term memory is the first to go. So no matter how many times you try to make her understand, she doesn't.
I would contact her doctor and see if there is something that can be given to help her sleep. They become like small children and get their days and nights mixed up. My Mom used to wake up about 3am thinking it was time to get up. I would show her it was still dark and she would go back to bed. Living in a split level and her being in the bottom level, I had to gate her in so she wouldn't come up the stairs at night. I had it high enough she was not able to climb over it.
I understand you want to keep Mom with you as long as you can. But there will come a time when caring for her will be too much. In the meantime, depending on her income maybe you can apply for Medicaid "in home" care. It may get you an aide for a few hours a day. Time you can do something for yourself, like nap or just get out.
Joann the Offending comment was posted by 97yearoldmom. seems to be either a huge misunderstand or a ginormous overreaction because 97yearoldmom did nothing wrong, her comment wasn’t an attack.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I couldn't find any buttons or anything so that's why I posted.
The common thread is dealing with an often in expected situation, knowing that whether we agree or disagree, we’re ALL dealing with stressful, discouraging, exhausting, life changing puzzles.
Even in disagreement, when we open this link, we know someone will read what write, and GET IT.
If you have time YoungCare, read a few responses from a few of the threads that apply to your situations. It doesn’t take to long to figure out who you’ll usually want to pass by and who will make observations that will resonate with your own situation.
Some of us feel comfortable enough to challenge each other when something rubs us the wrong way, and also to comment when something extra helpful gets posted, but however helpful OR snarky or toxic a post appears, the common thread is pretty solidly based on having each other’s backs and lifting each other up.
Feel welcome here. You never know when YOUR comment will be JUST what someone else needed.
You can prevent people sending you messages - you can switch messages off in your profile section - but it is better to report anything offensive or abusive to the moderators. In more years than I care to count I have had no more such messages than I can count on one hand: most of them I've just deleted, one or two I felt I did have to report and they were dealt with immediately and effectively.
There is no magic block button here, but we can make a practice of first looking at the poster's name, then scrolling down if we have already had a bad day and don't want it to be worse. And if a person is mean and inappropriate, there is a report button. The admins are active and fast.
You will find with time you recognize the approach of so many here. It will kind of be like Uncle Ned at Thankgiving dinner. Dreaded, but on some level kind of fun. Or you will see a name and know you are getting gentle, kind, and good advice. Then there are people I admire more than I can say. Always level and kind and with brilliant information. Igloo comes to mind. Mr. Bill however he spells it. Mstrbill? So many others. There are those who talk too much (I hold the current championship buckle for that one).
Young Care, stick around. I don't think you will find many who are "toxic" here. You may find some you don't like at all, but then that is honestly real life. And there is such great and valuable information here. I used this site for care topics and advice and comfort when I fell down the rabbit hole of dementia in the family, of care I had not a clue how to do. It was such a help to me. I hope it will be to you. Welcome!
I did not say what you wrote below. Your comment is not correct. I did not Even know that you found my comment offensive until another forum member mentioned it in a PM.
After reading it, I took a little time to think about how best to respond to allow you to move past this drama. So I might not have even responded if you hadn’t written what you did on this post. So I’m glad you did.
I’m really sorry you are having such a tough time and my intention was only to offer help. I did notice the Young part of your name and that’s why I ask if you were the one that was 68? On this site we often refer to anyone in their 60s as being young to have such a serious condition. And your mom is young to have her problems. We sometimes have posters when filling out their bio, who somehow put their name and age in the space where the LO names and age goes. I was confused. I apologize. I should have taken the time to clarify your circumstance. And I do know that younger people are on SS etc. I have three grand nieces on it right now as their father died in an auto accident at 36 just this past January. I’m glad you have that help. I wasn’t doubting you were on Medicare. I’m not sure why that was mentioned. I knew that AAA offered help and advice to seniors and their caregivers. I hoped they might help you find respite for your mom.
And by the way Area Agency on Aging, which I recommended to you, also offers help for disabilities in some states if that applies. You can find them by searching for Area Agency on Aging along with your city and state.
Now about the hallucinations and dementia comments, I did not say that.
“Said with all due respect but it seems to me that your lack of restful sleep is affecting your ability to make lucid decisions.”
Turns out I do know a little about sleep deprivation and the problems it can cause. Here is a link that discusses the symptoms and affects of sleep deprivation. I think when you look it over, if you care to, you might find some interesting descriptions that could apply to you and, or mom.... one of which happens to be hallucinations although I did not say you have hallucinations, that was your word. My intention was to encourage you to value your own health. You asked for advice. To me, the bottom line was you need sleep.
https://www.verywellmind.com/an-overview-of-chronic-sleep-deprivation-4770156
You have given me a lot to think about and I’m sorry I didn’t see your post until you had stewed on it for so long. I have found myself getting very upset over things before. It’s not a pleasant feeling. I hope this bit of clarification can help you reframe my comments in a more favorable light. I wish you nothing but peace and restful sleep.
Dont give up on the site. Everyone has a lot to offer. If it doesn’t pertain to you, you don’t have to take their advice.
I skimmed thru ur first post. I really didn't see where anyone was rude just up front. You are dealing with a desease that is very unpredictable. Mom can no longer be reasoned with. She also cannot process what is being said to her. Or comprehend. Short term memory is the first to go. So no matter how many times you try to make her understand, she doesn't.
I would contact her doctor and see if there is something that can be given to help her sleep. They become like small children and get their days and nights mixed up. My Mom used to wake up about 3am thinking it was time to get up. I would show her it was still dark and she would go back to bed. Living in a split level and her being in the bottom level, I had to gate her in so she wouldn't come up the stairs at night. I had it high enough she was not able to climb over it.
I understand you want to keep Mom with you as long as you can. But there will come a time when caring for her will be too much. In the meantime, depending on her income maybe you can apply for Medicaid "in home" care. It may get you an aide for a few hours a day. Time you can do something for yourself, like nap or just get out.
seems to be either a huge misunderstand or a ginormous overreaction because 97yearoldmom did nothing wrong, her comment wasn’t an attack.