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II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mother will cry all day long sometimes and I'm at a loss. It's hard when she can't explain what's wrong or how she's feeling. I tend to get overwhelmed myself and I don't want her to see.
sounds like you need to speak with her doctor about the issues. if she has dementia, they go thru different stages and this might be one of them. maybe she feels pain but is not in actual pain, or maybe she has sad thoughts but can't get out of that thought. not sure what kind of medication can be given, but speak with a doctor and wishing you luck......
My mom cried regularly. When I asked why, she truly didn't know. She said the tears "just come out." I suspect her vascular dementia affected the emotional part of her brain. Sometimes a cookie, talking or holding her hand helped. Sometimes it didn't and I just let it pass.
I’m sorry for your worry and your mom’s anguish. That’s got to be miserable for both of you. In addition to music and gentle touch, I’d like to suggest she try CBD. You can get it in various forms. We used Charlottes Web b/c they have lot numbers and it’s closely monitored throughout production. That was a requirement while my dad was in a MC facility. One has to experiment to get the right amount, but it can be very calming, aid sleep and well being. Too much can cause the runs, so start slow with a low dose, you can gently add on. Dad took gummies and loved them. Thankfully it helped him when he was very depressed. Perhaps it will help your mom? Equal measures of CBD and THC can be very effective, but not all states allow it. Good luck, I hope you both find peace!
That must be heartbreaking! It sounds like you might want to talk to a geriatric doctor about some meds that'll help her! God bless you and your family!
Could could be any number of things. Her hormones could be out of balance, she could be having pain or depression, maybe she's thinking about the future and how she's only has a little time left and she's afraid. Yes it can definitely be overwhelming. How about you try to change the circumstances, or the environment by playing music, giving her little treats of her favorite food, taking her out for a ride ride in a nice park, or even just to McDonald's for an ice cream sunday sundae? When you see her put a big smile on your face and give her a hug, and say come on let's go out somewhere. Just no there are so many reasons why anybody, not just the elderly can become depressed and cry. Like I said play some music that will set the tone to an upbeat one. I know when I was caring for my husband, just giving him a couple of pieces of chocolate, or a little frozen ice cream cup used to put a big smile on his face. And while he was able to go out, I would always take him for a fast food treat, and that seemed to lift his spirits too. Hope you have some luck with your mom. However maybe her doctor could recommend a mood enhancer, but nothing too strong that would get her dizzy or tired.
I would definitely get a full thorough checkup first, including blood work and urine culture. If nothing is found, then consider medication or specialist. It's better to rule out some condition that might be treatable before resorting to other medications.
My mother went through several days of moaning, crying and rubbing her leg. Doc Rxed Extra-strength Tylenol and ibuprofen. These are tough on the body, but without knowing the cause, what exactly are we treating? It really didn't seem to do much. I also took her to the ER. On intake, of course she said there's nothing wrong and could easily get up and onto the scale. Once in the ER, it was 4+ hours of moaning, wailing, crying and rubbing her leg.
They checked for a blood clot, but did not do Xrays (she'd had some about 8 or 9 months previously, but still, things CAN change!) Before discharge, they wanted to see her walk and use the toilet - it took 2 male nurses to assist her. She couldn't even stand to let me pull up her panties and pants, yet they discharged her anyway (one med, but it was really no more than the ibuprofen!)
I made appt with ortho and after begging, got them to move it up a bit. Of course by then the whole "episode" was over (one staff member was chastising me, saying I should take her to a clinic or another ER - for what? they don't have her records or history. Summed that up with a snide comment implying I preferred to see her in pain. >JERK<.) So, I explained what went on AND included that for a long time she used to say she needed to get her knees "done." Long before dementia. She never did, nor did she ask anyone to help her get it done. She was quite self-sufficient at that time. Anyway, he ordered Xrays and on return told me if she were 20 years younger, we'd be talking surgery. At her age, with dementia, nope. Even if he suggested it, I would have said no. I did ask about getting an injection (cortisone?), just in case. Whether it worked or just worked itself out or was something else altogether, who knows. The issue never presented itself again.
Other than that brief episode and some serious sun-downing during a UTI, she never exhibited anything like this. Most of the time she was fairly pleasant (grateful for that, as staff really liked her!) Quiet. Loved to sit and read newspapers, magazines, and the favorite - sales flyers or catalogues!
If this is totally out of character, it should be checked into first. If it was sudden onset, do get the blood and urine testing done - you mention UTI in your profile. Request urine culture - dip stick tests don't always catch the infection. Blood work might reveal an infection elsewhere. UTIs can do really odd things to elders, esp those with dementia. I was skeptic, but I have seen the light! Although her first UTI resulted in the sub-downing, subsequent UTIs presented as night time bed wetting, as in soaking everything, despite Max briefs AND a pad inserted. Another member of the forum had her mother start behaving out of the ordinary, urine tests were negative, but she actually had an infection in her mouth. Once treated, she resumed her "normal."
I don't know if she is in pain or afraid or if she has mental issues. Try to find some soothing medications that may help. And accept the fact that she may realize what is happening to her and is heartbroken and sad. I will be 88 and live in assisted living and am in terrible pain. However, I am 100% functioning even though I can't walk without a mechanical device, like a walker or rollator or wheelchair. I still work two jobs, just finished six years of on-line college, and do all kinds of things that are against all odds for me to do. Yet I force myself because I cannot stand myself - what I have become - and am so ashamed how helpless I am. I make myself do what normal people do, even with severe frustration and extreme long time to do it - but I do the impossible so I have some self respect. But I get so angry and disgusted with myself and cannot understand why my body has betrayed me so badly that sometimes I just sit and cry my heart out. I can't fix myself but I can't accept me this way either. I cry because I am a broken soul with a broken heart. This could be her too.
Riley2166 I think you're amazing. You have done more in spite of your pain than some people half your age would even attempt. Please don't put yourself down because you are an inspiration. I urge you to work less and use that time to find out the source of your pain - If traditional medicine hasn't helped then try looking into holistic and natural healing modalities. I will keep you in my prayers.
I’m there with you. My mom begin crying for hours—even though I’ve checked everything (wet diaper, hunger, pain). Sundowning by crying would sometimes start in the morning and run all day. I explained this to her hospice nurse and doctor and she was placed on an antidepressant pill once a day. She’s been on it for a few weeks now and the crying has slowed down greatly. She still cries, but minor for sundowning episodes and not for hours on end. We hate to see our parents crying. And we try our best to come to their aid. But sometimes it’s out of our hands and medication is needed to ease their and our suffering. I pray that God will give you and her unending peace.
Would have never ever thought of a neuropsychiatrist, doctor didn't recommend it, and only put my mother-in-law on Valium, didn't help one bit. It was awful.
Finally others experienced what we were experiencing and recommended the psychiatrist. It took a couple weeks (which we thought was forever) for the pills to take affect but it worked!!!
Please!!! You have your health to consider too...this definitely worked for our family.
As far back as I can remember, my mother cried every day. Her dad cried easily. Others in the family, too. I didn’t cry every day, but I was easily upset to sobbing tears. I also cried in church, when I went to a doctor or any time I had to speak to someone looking straight at me.
My mother suffered from depression, ultra high blood pressure, and was hypothyroid. She did have some psychiatric help when she was in her 50s and took medication, which helped her. There wasn’t much help available back then, but this did help her. I’ve often thought how different my childhood would have been if my mother was “normal.”
I started taking antidepressants in my 50s and now I rarely cry. I can talk with anyone without tears. I moved to another state a couple of years after I married. From then on, I don’t really remember if my mother consistently received proper medical care. My sister looked after her welfare. I would come stay with my parents for two or three weeks every summer. During that time I did all I could to help them. I know my efforts prolonged my dad’s life. My mother developed dementia, which was so sad.
I guess my advice to Smokey is to get your mom to a psychiatrist for a medicine consult to find the most effective antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. I hope your mom will get some relief which will benefit everyone.
LIke a crying baby, you just have to make sure she's not hungry, needs to be changed or lonely. But, if she crys all day after all.the above, she might be in pain
You should check with her Dr and let them give her something to ease her pain as that's no quality of life. I have a 97 yr old Dad with dementia and I pray that God will take him in his sleep before having him feel a lot of pain from his closing down kidneys.
May I add that with dementia, there are unlimited reasons for crying. Remember the old saying "Don't cry over spilt milk."? With dementia, that goes out the window.
My wife who has Advanced vascular dementia. will cry about anything and almost everything. Pain and anxiety, yes. Anything spilt whether she did it or someone else. Whether it was her drink, food, snack, or someone else's. She will cry if the TV does not "go to the channel" she wants.Noises, bath water not hot enough for her.
Dare I say she has cried for almost any kind of event at one time or another for almost a year.
BTW, the same thing with the word "ouch". It is no longer just for pain.
OMG - I say ouch - when I think something I hit is going to hurt - I call it my pre-emptive ouch. I've also always been an easier crier - the old pepsi commercial with all the puppies always brought tears to my eyes. (except in my 30s for some strange reason).
I hope that isn't a preview of coming attractions for me.
2 reasons for crying - pain and anxiety. An evaluation by her medical doctor can rule out anything that might be causing her physical pain. Consider that she probably has anxiety and the crying is her way of expressing it. Please consult her usual doctor who will prescribe an anti-anxiety medication. Of course, consistent routines and patient, ling manner will also help.
Hi Smokey I recently had this experience with DH aunt. It had never happened before. She’s always been an easy crier when something upset her, a death or frustration with life, but she would quickly recover. This was different. She was moaning and crying and praying. It went on for a couple of days. I gave her OTC pain pill in case she had pain she couldn’t express. Turned out to be constipation. I had called her doctor. We also doubled her antidepressant which seems to be working. It’s hard to deal with. I was thinking of taking her to the ER not knowing if she was in pain. I hope your mom is better soon.
So sorry for all the distress for both you and mom.
I'd make an appointment with her doc and have him do a full evaluation to determine if she has an UTI or other infection. If he can't find anything see if he can refer her to a specialist check her further. She also may need a mild anti-anxiety med to take the edge off. She may also be experiencing depression which also accompanies dementia.
Not being able to determine mom's distresses then distresses you too, so make sure to take good care of your self also. I will say - as a teenager - I would cry at the drop of a hat - and for no reason at all - it would really freak dad out and at some point make him angry; mom on the other hand understood (I think) that I just had to cry over nothing and we're not talking about tears streaming down my face but full blown sobbing - probably my reaction to raging hormones and the stress always below the surface in the home.
Dementia is so hard and we do not really know if the feeling that they are experiencing is true or not. The emotion you are experiencing is real and it is so hard to see mom cry and it is breaking your heart. There are some physical problems that can add to the crying as have been mentioned. Look into that at first. Join a supporting group. When my mom would cry I would cry too even though I tried really hard to hold back.
There is a condition called pseudobulbar affect which often accompanies dementia. The condition is characterized by episodes of sudden uncontrollable and inappropriate laughing or crying. There is medication available to treat it. Call her doctor.
It's actually quite common to cry with dementia and I see it with my mother who's at the moderately advanced stage herself. Her emotions fluctuate between extreme anger/agitation/frustration and sadness. She infrequently seems to be peaceful or content, which is sad. But then again, as I always say, there is nothing 'good' about dementia for anyone; the patient, the family, the caregivers, nobody. It's a lose-lose situation for all involved.
I hope you can glean a few useful tidbits of info from the article. Just call her PCP if things don't calm down soon and perhaps another medication can be prescribed to help your mom.
Has she had a recent physical? Has blood work been done? Has this been occurring recently, or more recently than in the past?
UTIs and Thyroid issues and low vitamin D levels can all cause depression and changes in emotional responses.
Once the physical status has been sorted out, find out what her medical provider can offer her. Perhaps medication, perhaps a change of scenery, behavioral adjustment techniques. A psychiatric/psychological evaluation may be helpful.
Caregiving is an overwhelmingly hard job, so please don’t be critical of yourself. We all feel at some time or other that we could do better, And there are times when you just have to be content that you’re doing the best you can.
Be sure that you’re doing good, comforting things for yourself. You’re important too!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Yes it can definitely be overwhelming. How about you try to change the circumstances, or the environment by playing music, giving her little treats of her favorite food, taking her out for a ride ride in a nice park, or even just to McDonald's for an ice cream sunday sundae? When you see her put a big smile on your face and give her a hug, and say come on let's go out somewhere.
Just no there are so many reasons why anybody, not just the elderly can become depressed and cry. Like I said play some music that will set the tone to an upbeat one.
I know when I was caring for my husband, just giving him a couple of pieces of chocolate, or a little frozen ice cream cup used to put a big smile on his face. And while he was able to go out, I would always take him for a fast food treat, and that seemed to lift his spirits too.
Hope you have some luck with your mom. However maybe her doctor could recommend a mood enhancer, but nothing too strong that would get her dizzy or tired.
My mother went through several days of moaning, crying and rubbing her leg. Doc Rxed Extra-strength Tylenol and ibuprofen. These are tough on the body, but without knowing the cause, what exactly are we treating? It really didn't seem to do much. I also took her to the ER. On intake, of course she said there's nothing wrong and could easily get up and onto the scale. Once in the ER, it was 4+ hours of moaning, wailing, crying and rubbing her leg.
They checked for a blood clot, but did not do Xrays (she'd had some about 8 or 9 months previously, but still, things CAN change!) Before discharge, they wanted to see her walk and use the toilet - it took 2 male nurses to assist her. She couldn't even stand to let me pull up her panties and pants, yet they discharged her anyway (one med, but it was really no more than the ibuprofen!)
I made appt with ortho and after begging, got them to move it up a bit. Of course by then the whole "episode" was over (one staff member was chastising me, saying I should take her to a clinic or another ER - for what? they don't have her records or history. Summed that up with a snide comment implying I preferred to see her in pain. >JERK<.) So, I explained what went on AND included that for a long time she used to say she needed to get her knees "done." Long before dementia. She never did, nor did she ask anyone to help her get it done. She was quite self-sufficient at that time. Anyway, he ordered Xrays and on return told me if she were 20 years younger, we'd be talking surgery. At her age, with dementia, nope. Even if he suggested it, I would have said no. I did ask about getting an injection (cortisone?), just in case. Whether it worked or just worked itself out or was something else altogether, who knows. The issue never presented itself again.
Other than that brief episode and some serious sun-downing during a UTI, she never exhibited anything like this. Most of the time she was fairly pleasant (grateful for that, as staff really liked her!) Quiet. Loved to sit and read newspapers, magazines, and the favorite - sales flyers or catalogues!
If this is totally out of character, it should be checked into first. If it was sudden onset, do get the blood and urine testing done - you mention UTI in your profile. Request urine culture - dip stick tests don't always catch the infection. Blood work might reveal an infection elsewhere. UTIs can do really odd things to elders, esp those with dementia. I was skeptic, but I have seen the light! Although her first UTI resulted in the sub-downing, subsequent UTIs presented as night time bed wetting, as in soaking everything, despite Max briefs AND a pad inserted. Another member of the forum had her mother start behaving out of the ordinary, urine tests were negative, but she actually had an infection in her mouth. Once treated, she resumed her "normal."
Would have never ever thought of a neuropsychiatrist, doctor didn't recommend it, and only put my mother-in-law on Valium, didn't help one bit. It was awful.
Finally others experienced what we were experiencing and recommended the psychiatrist. It took a couple weeks (which we thought was forever) for the pills to take affect but it worked!!!
Please!!! You have your health to consider too...this definitely worked for our family.
My mother suffered from depression, ultra high blood pressure, and was hypothyroid. She did have some psychiatric help when she was in her 50s and took medication, which helped her. There wasn’t much help available back then, but this did help her. I’ve often thought how different my childhood would have been if my mother was “normal.”
I started taking antidepressants in my 50s and now I rarely cry. I can talk with anyone without tears. I moved to another state a couple of years after I married. From then on, I don’t really remember if my mother consistently received proper medical care. My sister looked after her welfare. I would come stay with my parents for two or three weeks every summer. During that time I did all I could to help them. I know my efforts prolonged my dad’s life. My mother developed dementia, which was so sad.
I guess my advice to Smokey is to get your mom to a psychiatrist for a medicine consult to find the most effective antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. I hope your mom will get some relief which will benefit everyone.
But, if she crys all day after all.the above, she might be in pain
You should check with her Dr and let them give her something to ease her pain as that's no quality of life.
I have a 97 yr old Dad with dementia and I pray that God will take him in his sleep before having him feel a lot of pain from his closing down kidneys.
Praters for you and your mom
For yourself: Get help, get away, get exercise.
I have been through several rounds of getting help and I learned this:
Better to take an action a little bit too early than a little bit too late,.
If you are wondering if you should XXX, it is time for XXX.
My wife who has Advanced vascular dementia. will cry about anything and almost everything. Pain and anxiety, yes. Anything spilt whether she did it or someone else. Whether it was her drink, food, snack, or someone else's. She will cry if the TV does not "go to the channel" she wants.Noises, bath water not hot enough for her.
Dare I say she has cried for almost any kind of event at one time or another for almost a year.
BTW, the same thing with the word "ouch". It is no longer just for pain.
I hope that isn't a preview of coming attractions for me.
I recently had this experience with DH aunt. It had never happened before. She’s always been an easy crier when something upset her, a death or frustration with life, but she would quickly recover. This was different. She was moaning and crying and praying. It went on for a couple of days. I gave her OTC pain pill in case she had pain she couldn’t express. Turned out to be constipation. I had called her doctor. We also doubled her antidepressant which seems to be working. It’s hard to deal with. I was thinking of taking her to the ER not knowing if she was in pain. I hope your mom is better soon.
I'd make an appointment with her doc and have him do a full evaluation to determine if she has an UTI or other infection. If he can't find anything see if he can refer her to a specialist check her further. She also may need a mild anti-anxiety med to take the edge off. She may also be experiencing depression which also accompanies dementia.
Not being able to determine mom's distresses then distresses you too, so make sure to take good care of your self also. I will say - as a teenager - I would cry at the drop of a hat - and for no reason at all - it would really freak dad out and at some point make him angry; mom on the other hand understood (I think) that I just had to cry over nothing and we're not talking about tears streaming down my face but full blown sobbing - probably my reaction to raging hormones and the stress always below the surface in the home.
I hope you can resolve her distress soon.
https://dailycaring.com/14-ways-to-handle-screaming-and-crying-in-dementia/
It's actually quite common to cry with dementia and I see it with my mother who's at the moderately advanced stage herself. Her emotions fluctuate between extreme anger/agitation/frustration and sadness. She infrequently seems to be peaceful or content, which is sad. But then again, as I always say, there is nothing 'good' about dementia for anyone; the patient, the family, the caregivers, nobody. It's a lose-lose situation for all involved.
I hope you can glean a few useful tidbits of info from the article. Just call her PCP if things don't calm down soon and perhaps another medication can be prescribed to help your mom.
UTIs and Thyroid issues and low vitamin D levels can all cause depression and changes in emotional responses.
Once the physical status has been sorted out, find out what her medical provider can offer her. Perhaps medication, perhaps a change of scenery, behavioral adjustment techniques. A psychiatric/psychological evaluation may be helpful.
Caregiving is an overwhelmingly hard job, so please don’t be critical of yourself. We all feel at some time or other that we could do better,
And there are times when you just have to be content that you’re doing the best you can.
Be sure that you’re doing good, comforting things for yourself. You’re important too!