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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Family member makes delusional comments that are hurtful. We know its the disease, but those targeted outside the family aren't as understanding. They don't want to hear "she has alzheimers."
Some people will tell you that you should go along with their delusions but I don't believe in forgiving and reinforcing hurtful behaviour. You can't stop it completely but you don't need to put up with it and stopping it in the moment is likely the best you can do - after expressing that you don't believe any such thing you'd tell them not to spread gossip and that if they don't have anything nice to say to say nothing.
Grandma1954 July 30, 2023 5:11 pm At some point one of two things will happen. 1)Friends and acquaintances will realize that it is the Alzheimer's and let slide the remarks made. (Or you just decide they are not worth associating with any longer) 2) You decide it is not worth the trouble to get you LO out to the store or to dinner and you begin spending more time at home and invite people over that do understand the "quirks" of a person with dementia.
So this person makes hurtful comments to others and these people don't know her well enough to understand she has AZ? In what kind of a setting is this happening? Social events? If this dynamic is making life really hard for her or you, cut back on situations where she can make her comments. And too bad for these ignorant people that don't want to hear the reality of the situation of AZ. My mom's relatives don't believe she has it and I am DONE with them. She talks to the ones that still bother to call her cuz they only give shit to me, the coordinator of her care, etc. So frustrating. Good luck.
I agree with you on most parts, but not about the "too bad for these ignorant people who don't want to hear the reality of the situation AZ."
Why should people at say a restaurant or a store have to hear the reality of it? When the Alzheimer's is at a point where the person's comments are hurting and upsetting strangers' lives the only public places they should be seeing is the inside of a doctor's office or an adult day care center. Really.
Family is a different story, but strangers shouldn't have to tolerate it. Businesses shouldn't have to either.
I no longer dine at 'family style' restaurants. Know why? Because I've had too many experiences of families taking an elder with dementia. The elder is slopping their food all over the place or has to be fed (which is equally disgusting when you're trying to eat yourself), and if they're incontinent and crap themselves, well I'm sure you get a picture.
The other people eating are not being ignorant because this makes them sick and puts them off their food. It makes me sick and puts me off my food too and I was a caregiver for 25 years. The family still taking these poor people out in public are the ignorant ones.
There comes a time when the person with Alzheimer's/dementia cannot be taken out in public anymore.
The 'LO' should no be around people who aren't family anymore. If she is going to be around people outside of the family warn them in advance on what to expect from her.
Also, I agree with cwillie. If you do have to take her out in public like to a doctor's appointment or something and the "comments" start, correct her immediately and apologize to whoever she is making the comments about when able.
I had many care clients with dementia who would just say terrible things in general to no actual person in particular, but people hearing it would be shocked. I'd handle it in the moment by telling them that no one cares what they think and to keep their opinion to themselves. That usually worked in the moment. If not, I'd just make an announcement to anyone within earshot.
I once had to get up and announce to an entire doctor's office waiting room that the person making racial slurs and speaking offensively has dementia and is out of it and please ignore her. The client got rather angered by this, but she quited down because she was embarrassed. Sometimes this worked, sometimes not.
I have figured out that dementia is not something that you just have to stand by and blindly accept the bad behavior. When my Mom made racial slurs in public, I corrected her immediately, but not loudly. If she continued, we left. (just as I did when my toddler had a temper tantrum in public)
Then when we were alone and she was a little more cognizant, I explained to her what happened and why we couldn't go there anymore.
As time went on, she connected the tone of my voice with, she needs to stop talking. When I saw that she was batter behaved, I could try the location and situation again.
For me, it is a constant trial and error and stay flexible with any plans I make.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
At some point one of two things will happen.
1)Friends and acquaintances will realize that it is the Alzheimer's and let slide the remarks made.
(Or you just decide they are not worth associating with any longer)
2) You decide it is not worth the trouble to get you LO out to the store or to dinner and you begin spending more time at home and invite people over that do understand the "quirks" of a person with dementia.
I agree with you on most parts, but not about the "too bad for these ignorant people who don't want to hear the reality of the situation AZ."
Why should people at say a restaurant or a store have to hear the reality of it?
When the Alzheimer's is at a point where the person's comments are hurting and upsetting strangers' lives the only public places they should be seeing is the inside of a doctor's office or an adult day care center. Really.
Family is a different story, but strangers shouldn't have to tolerate it. Businesses shouldn't have to either.
I no longer dine at 'family style' restaurants. Know why? Because I've had too many experiences of families taking an elder with dementia. The elder is slopping their food all over the place or has to be fed (which is equally disgusting when you're trying to eat yourself), and if they're incontinent and crap themselves, well I'm sure you get a picture.
The other people eating are not being ignorant because this makes them sick and puts them off their food. It makes me sick and puts me off my food too and I was a caregiver for 25 years.
The family still taking these poor people out in public are the ignorant ones.
There comes a time when the person with Alzheimer's/dementia cannot be taken out in public anymore.
The 'LO' should no be around people who aren't family anymore. If she is going to be around people outside of the family warn them in advance on what to expect from her.
Also, I agree with cwillie. If you do have to take her out in public like to a doctor's appointment or something and the "comments" start, correct her immediately and apologize to whoever she is making the comments about when able.
I had many care clients with dementia who would just say terrible things in general to no actual person in particular, but people hearing it would be shocked.
I'd handle it in the moment by telling them that no one cares what they think and to keep their opinion to themselves. That usually worked in the moment. If not, I'd just make an announcement to anyone within earshot.
I once had to get up and announce to an entire doctor's office waiting room that the person making racial slurs and speaking offensively has dementia and is out of it and please ignore her.
The client got rather angered by this, but she quited down because she was embarrassed. Sometimes this worked, sometimes not.
Then when we were alone and she was a little more cognizant, I explained to her what happened and why we couldn't go there anymore.
As time went on, she connected the tone of my voice with, she needs to stop talking. When I saw that she was batter behaved, I could try the location and situation again.
For me, it is a constant trial and error and stay flexible with any plans I make.