My 87 year old mother has been showing signs of mild dementia for 2 years now...confusion, short-term memory loss, etc. She also has congestive heart failure and breathing/balance issues, resulting in several falls with injuries) She hasn't been to her Florida home during the winter for two years now and at this point we three kids feel that she shouldn't be down there alone anymore. Travelling with her in her condition would be a whole other can of worms, as she has mini meltdowns and high anxiety during moderate to major stressful transitions in her day. My brother suggested that she sell her place down there, but she thinks that she'll be going to Florida next year and that she'll be able to stay there by herself even after she's been told that she can't (she's stubborn and in denial that she needs to make some changes). At present, she has some minimal in-home care up North and that seems to be working well.
Being around her too long is caustic to our relationship with her. One week is enough for each of us kids (she acts helpless and can be very manipulative in getting others to do things for her that she could do for herself). So staying with her in Florida for any length of time isn't an option, as her behavior creates too much mental stress for us.
At some point, her Florida home WILL need to be sold and it would be nice to sell it sooner, rather than later when she has no choice due to health. Has anyone had similar experiences with trying to convince a loved one that they need to make some major changes with not being able to be snowbirds anymore?
As a side note...our mother can't make any decisions on her own (her deceased husband did everything for her, which included making new friends. This has crippled her from moving forward in life and seeking out hobbies, interests, new friends, etc. on her own).
I guess I would shift my thinking from focusing on selling the house to keeping her from going to it for now. As already suggested, do NOTHING to help her get to FL. She can have her little pipe dream that it's possible for her to go there on her own. Without help, it would seem like it's highly unlikely that she'd be able to pull it off.
Does anyone have POA? Also, I agree with suggestion of getting her evaluated to see if the POA (if there is one) can be activated. I need to look at my mom's POA too to see if this is something I can do as well. If/when a POA for her can be activated, then the POA can go ahead and sell the house. Frankly, I wouldn't even tell her about it. Just drop the whole FL convo and do what needs to be done to keep her safe.
Best of luck.
Then at some point she can be transitioned into AL or LTC by using a "therapeutic fib" that the house has a gas leak or infestation and everyone needs to stay at a "hotel". The admin staff at most care facilities can help ease her into her room and work on a smooth transition.
If no one is her PoA then the only other options are guardianship by her children or by the county. No one else will be able to legally conduct her affairs without this authority.
The only behavior you change is your own. You can state to her that you cannot travel to Florida any longer while she's there and that she will need to make arrangements for there to be adequate support for her care (in home help, emergency alert system).
Does she make travel arrangements on her own? You and the siblings can back off helping with this, which may be the best way to prevent travel. Yes, she will be mad as a wet hen and trash talk you to half the country, but if you truly believe that she will be unsafe, it's what you need to do.
Do think if there is a way to make this safe for her. Or if re-locating to FL year round might be better.