Hello, my husband is 56 yrs old. He’s 350lbs and has diabetis and heart failure. He has high blood pressure and his legs, feet and hands are swollen. Sometimes his feet are a purplish color. He can’t breath hardly at all and sometime I hear him wheezing when he’s breathing. He’s on a diuretic and toprol and ramipril for his bp and he’s on insulin which he abuses like crazy. He’s also takes synthroid. He still works everyday but it’s getting harder and harder on him everyday. His sleeping is god awful, I don’t know if it’s the alcohol that causes him to moan, groan, scream, cuss, talk in his sleep all night and he tosses and turns. The screaming he says is from back pain that he swears is the bed and I tell him it’s his weight not the bed. His Dr retired in October but he told him at that time that he was basically giving him 6 months before he has a heart attack or a stroke and this month marks his 6 month. Besides having blood test done he hasn’t had any test confirming his heart failure but his Dr told him the he knows he has heart failure along with cirrosis of the liver from his diabetis, his dr didn’t know he was also a alcoholic so I’m sure drinking isn’t helping his liver any. His drink of choice is vodka straight. He drinks every night but tries to hide it from me but I find his bottles all over the place. Anyways I’m just needing some advice on how to handle all this. I have no idea what to do. All I do is lay in bed at night listening to him trying to sleep and wandering if tonite the night he’s gonna have a heart attack. By the way he sleeps in a different room due to his snoring and other noises while he sleeps. Thank you.
Your husband’s PCP is correct in that your husband is a ticking time bomb healthwise.
There is not much to do unless he realizes he needs to lose weight & make the commitment to living healthy.
Alcohol is loaded with sugar and will cause blood sugars to elevate. Long term poor blood sugar control in diabetes can lead to kidney disease, alcohol can lead to liver cirrhosis, and by the sounds of it, your husband has obstructive sleep apnea.
Chronic alcoholism leads to liver cirrhosis. Cirrhosis slowly kills liver tissue which then the liver cannot perform the myriad of function the liver does to keep us healthy.
OSA causes increased blood pressure in the blood vessels that feed the lungs (pulmonary hypertension).
So yes, your husband is one hot bed of risk factors.
But unless he is ready to make a lifestyle change there is not much you can do about his poor choices.
He is doing this to himself. There is no way he doesn't know how diabetes works. If not controlled it effects every organ of the body. He is killing himself. Not really anything you can do or say. This sounds harsh, but plan on being a widow. Do what you need to do to secure your life.
I would make sure his affairs are in order. Will, living will, POA, etc. Hubby and I have everything joint to avoid probate which is time consuming and a waste of money.
Does he have any life insurance? Short term and/or long term disability insurance?
Does he have no interest in bettering his health? He sounds like quite the mess. Very scary situation.
But, as stated already, you have NO control over what he does. But you should plan for the future, whether he likes it or not.
Re: sleeping - glad to hear that you're in separate rooms but sounds like he's still keeping you awake. I would try to do something like close your door, get a noise machine, use ear plugs, whatever. You NEED sleep. Don't be sleep deprived and unhealthy because of his choices.
Good luck!
He is the only one that can change his actions. So you need to focus on helping yourself not get sucked into the chaos of alcoholism. Try to find a AA meeting near you to help you cope with your life living with a functioning alcoholic.
Prayers for you and your family. I hope everything is in order. I don’t want to seem harsh. I’ve been down this road too. So sorry for all your worry. I know it’s not easy.
Sadly, you can't do ANYTHING to help him. He has to wanna, and he doesn't wanna.
My own Dh has put me through hell and back several times as he is simply non compliant in his own health care. He had hepC which caused his liver to fail. Liver transplant 14 yearas ago, massive systemic infection following....84 weeks of the most brutal chemo you can imagine, a stroke about a 9 months post TP, chemo ends, he relapses, so the Hep C comes roaring back---but Harvoni cured that..he becomes diabetic as he ate whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Last summer has 2 massive heart attacks--which did scare him into better compliance---he has lost a lot of weight, but he will NOT exercise. Major motorcycle accident 6 years ago that should have killed him, but just banged him up and had him in bed for 4 months....plus multiple rock climbing accidents...oh, and needed a CPAP which he "sort of" wore from time to time.
So---I quit harassing him, 100%. If he wants to kill himself, slowly, he can. All I could do was pre-plan his funeral and such. I was living from deathbed to deathbed, it felt like. He has never ONCE acted like he felt bad he was putting me through this. Only his cardiologist said to him "Do you realize that you are married to an angel? 99% of women would have left you by now." Dh just looks at him like "why? what'd I DO?" And he truly does not GET IT.
I do love this man. We have created a wonderful life....and he does love us all. He's just bound and determined to not make it to 75, and I don't think he will.
I HEAR YOU. I LIVED/LIVE your life. You cannot love them enough to love themselves. While my DH never drank, he is self destructive in other areas. I learned many years ago I cannot change him, I cannot even make suggestions.
Sadly, I would tell you to plan all his EOL stuff--the funeral, burial, etc. The program for the funeral and in a way, pre-grieve the loss of a man who wouldn't/couldn't get well on his own.
I'm so sorry. I really am. But I get it. Every time my DH walks out the door on his was to some "adventure" I cringe.
Your hubby is real and truly a ticking time bomb. I'd say the edema in his legs is very telling, as DH had that pre-heart attack and he complained about it, but he complains about everything, so I ignored it. My DIL was in town (she's a Dr. and she saw his legs and I asked "what's this about doc?" and she said "oh, kidneys or heart" and went on doing whatever she was doing, 10 days later he has this massive coronary. She felt HORRIBLE as we were >10 minutes from the hospital and the ONE PERSON he listens to is DIL, She didn't force him to go and now she feels awful, Again, though, you cannot make someone do something they just don't WANT TO DO.
I wish you luck. This is a horrible situation to be in. I'm in it too. Lots of us are.
{{Hugs}}
Alcoholism and diabetes are a dangerous combination. Uncontrolled diabetes in conjunction with alcoholism can lead to liver failure, kidney failure and complications of heart disease. Your husband should quit drinking but won’t if he doesn’t want to quit. His weight is huge issue. His weight is having a negative impact on his heart and his diabetes.
How owe is he abusing insulin. Is he trying to control his sugar levels by eating as he pleases then taking extra insulin?