My state (NC) started allowing limited outdoor visitation on September 5. Mom's LTC didn't schedule any visits until September 17. I was given a slot on Sept. 18, which they canceled due to bad weather, and was rescheduled for Sept. 24. Just prior to the 24th, they reported a positive test result from an asymptomatic staff member, so I was re-rescheduled for Oct. 8. Then I got a call saying that they had miscalculated the waiting period, so the visit was moved to the 10th.
A few days later, they reported another positive case (again, a staff member and again asymptomatic) so my visit was re-re-rescheduled to Oct. 17. And yesterday, I got notification of yet another asymptomatic positive test from a staff member who was never in contact with the residents. I'm now waiting for the re-re-re-rescheduling call on that one.
Is anyone else out there experiencing a similar problem? I'm starting to lose hope. It seems awfully strange that the facility went without a single positive test until the visitation restrictions were lifted. And while it's good to know that none of the residents have tested positive, it's also strange that all of the staff cases have been asymptomatic. Intellectually, I realize that this can be a series of remarkable coincidences, but on the other hand, I'm emotionally fragile enough now to begin to wonder if they're getting false positives, or are just plain giving us the runaround.
Baby steps to better.
Still need to acknowledge #EssentialCaregivers role in PHEs.
Full CMS QSO here - https://go.cms.gov/3vnt7Bo
How extremely lonely she must be! How would anyone survive being quarantined in one room (bedroom and bathroom) for any amount of time?
I'm sure she sleeps a lot, hoping that when she wakes up, this nightmare will be over!!
Sis needed a in office dermatology appointment for a mystery rash staff could not diagnose. Tried a lot of lotions and potions. no consistent answer from anyone about what is really going on being done to help. I Was told rash comes and goes. Took the DON until June to say yes the rash is bad she needs to see a dr. NO visiting dermatology at the community. Only wound nurse who doesn't have a clue what is going on with sis skin. Sis cried a lot during the last 4 months until they tried Scabies treatment. Was told it was helping then it wasn't helping. Thank goodness i did not cancel the appointment that took 2 months of waiting. Dr. says since scabies treatment working it had to be scabies after all. I am pissed that sis had to suffer this long with itchy painful skin.
Sis has lost 20 pounds. 10 of it in the last month. They are giving protein supplements 4 times a day and this is not enough to slow the weight loss.
4 new cases of staff covid=lockdown. sis went "out" to dermatology=self isolation for 2 weeks. they moved sis to a new room new faces. I ask staff about covid cases-i was told NO. but then get the update robo call and told YES new staff case-still in lockdown.
visiting psych wants to add more drugs due to sis mood changes. I was told a verbal questionnaire was used. Sis could not possibly say what she had for lunch-did she eat breakfast let alone how are you feeling today.
I tell DON i wanted to reduce her meds once skin is cleared up-this is part of why she has been utterly miserable for months and months. sis on 4 anti psychotic drugs. She did cry and howl for hours early on and was told that if it did not stop soon they would send her to psych inpatient-to a place i knew was horrible.
Sis new room has outside street view-i can see her this way now. this weekend. I planned to go see sis but staff did not answer the phone for 2 hours. I do not know the normal schedule i needed to know when would be a good time. Apparently they told sis i was coming at noon. I did not get ahold of any staff until after 2 pm when they decided to answer the phone. I am so sad to see my sister in this place of separation and being alone more decline. She now has a bed sore from sitting all the time. No PT no activities. I desperately want to hold and hug her and not let go. She needs 24 hour care. I thought about bringing sis to my house right at the beginning of covid I am beginning to wish i had.
They tell me i can stand at the window any time as many times as i want-she can not get to the phone by herself. How am i supposed to do this people.
Update: My October 17 visit was moved to Oct. 31. The weather is getting colder, so I'm not sure how this will work out with outdoor visits - the high that day is supposed to be 63° and cloudy, with morning rain. My visit is scheduled for the afternoon...
In the meantime, Mama's not getting any better, physically, mentally or emotionally. I brought her some supper today - her favorite homemade vegetable beef soup, hot bread and coffee - but it was a disaster. She actually screamed (yes, screamed) at the aide who attempted to raise her bed and assist her with eating. I witnessed the entire episode from outside the window, and it was a horrible experience for me. The aide later came outside and, God bless her, gave me a big hug, telling me that everything was okay, and she was used to that sort of thing, but I left the facility terribly shaken. I've never seen my mother do anything like that.
Second, A positive test by a healthcare worker in most states (don't know about your state) are required to have a second, more sensitive test to "rule out" a false positive. During that period when they are doing this testing, that worker is not allowed to work OR in some cases depending on state, they must work wearing full PPE. This means the facility is now shorthanded with less staff available to monitor visitation to make sure their protocols are observed.
These facilities are MANDATED to have a Duty of Care. Meaning they MUST do their best to keep residents safe where at all possible. I can sympathize with not being able to visit loved ones, but they are not just responsible for your loved one, but every other resident as well. There are ways to maintain contact. Many facilities rotate through their residents with zoom calls where you can visit via your computer. Check with the facility to see if this is available. If not, ask why not.
As a related matter, I have not seen my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson since Christmas. I will likely not see them until there is a vaccine as they live 1500 miles away and I likely cannot SAFELY travel to them, nor they to me. So we stay home. Is it hard? Of course.
I've heard that if you so choose, you may wish to take your family member home for the duration. A friend of mine tried that, but found it upset her mother to be away from the place she had learned to call "home". She was able to take her back and has not seen her since, but calls her daily.
There is no easy answer to this. But please don't assume that anyone is randomly keeping you from your loved one for no reason. Again, asymptomatic does NOT mean a person can't SPREAD the virus. Researchers have found that they DO spread it.
This is all so very sad and heartbreaking and I am finding that some of the visits leave me feeling that there must have been a better choice and yet I know there wasn’t. He is 80 and I am 78 with failing health..I just could not take care of him anymore. When I visit he cries and wants to come home and I know there are so many other people facing this every day.I pray that he will remember less every day and just know he is not in pain and being taken care of (I hope) by nurses and I hope God will forgive me for the choice I had to make. We are not alone my friends and am grateful we can express our feelings and listen to each other.
I'm so sorry that your experiencing so much sadness and heartbreak having your husband in a LTCF. God certainly doesn't hold it against you. He knows the depths of the entire situation that you are facing. The pandemic has a lot to do with how all of this is playing out - it is out of your hands and control as well as it is for the rest of us. We have all had to learn and continue to learn how to integrate this "new normal" from the pandemic into our lives. None of us is responsible for that - we are all doing the best we can with the hand that's been dealt us whether or not we want to "play" the game at hand.
You feel what you feel in the moment; your heart says "there must have been a better choice" and your head is telling you "I know there wasn't."
We all feel helpless when we see our loved ones upset, crying and wanting to come home. Unfortunately, it comes down to how each facility decides to handle the residents when it comes to their feelings of loneliness, isolation and abandonment. The facility is only as good as those who are working in it. With my mom's facility, they have extremely proactive Facility, Memory Care and Activity Directors who are always actively looking for ways to "help" their residents with those feelings -none of them give up easily and for that I'm grateful.
God bless you as you continue to visit your husband for a once a week, 20 minute visit - you can only do what is allowed and please give yourself some grace while loving your husband to the best of your ability.
My mom went to this nursing home just as all this started, I have never even seen the inside of this facility to know if it’s even clean...
I am also in NC and my mother was moved from Assisted Living to Memory Care last month as she declined further cognitively during the isolation from COVID. She was in AL for 3 years. I was granted a "change in status" visit last month and it was the first time I had seen her since early March. I had to clean out her things that wouldn't fit in her new room, and while I had access to the "inside" I took the opportunity to speak with other residents that hadn't seen their relatives - they were so happy to see a face other than a staff member! I was so happy to see them all, but so sad that so many have declined so during the quarantine.
Thankfully the facility recently opened outdoor visits, and this past weekend allowed indoor visits. They allow 1 visit per week for 30 minutes. While we visited Saturday, we called a friend of hers at another NC facility and were told those residents were still being isolated in their rooms and her friend couldn't even use the phone, which broke my heart!!
It seems they could still allow for some outdoor visits while they wait for the tests to clear! My mom's facility built booths with Plexiglass and microphones so residents could talk while being protected. It felt a big like visiting someone in jail, but I was just thankful to be there.
Sorry I don't have more answers, but know how you feel and hope you get to see her soon!
I dread winter time and the possibility of COVID getting more aggressive again.
My concerns from your post
1. The communities are required to automatically notify families of active cases.
You should have been made aware of the staff testing positive, whether or not you planned a visit.
2. Even before this new guideline went into place communities were required to find a way for families to stay in contact with their loved ones. Many communities set up video conferencing such as Zoom or Ring Central calls so families and residents can connect.
Recommendations
1. Call the community and request a Zoom Call.
2. There is no reason you should not be able to do the "window visit" even with active Covid cases in the building.
3. Check the communities website and see if they are showing the COVID Positive results on the website. If the community is owned by a corporation it may be listed on that page.
If you cannot find any verification of the "COVID Positive" staff, I would call the long-term care Ombudsman office in your area and have them get involved.
I called a community last week and told them I was coming by to visit a client and they told me I was not allowed to visit due to COVID. I told them I knew that was not true that the guidelines had been updated on 09.17.2020 and they must allow visits, they were COVID free. I was then told that's true but we don't want you to come. I responded, that I did not care if they "wanted" me to come my client requested a visit and I intended to visit. At that point the did schedule a visit for me, they are are allowed to request that you schedule visits.
We still only have window visits with my mom and she is declining, especially because she sits in her room all day now. No activities, and she is also depressed because she hasn't been able to get her hair cut in 7 months. I don't understand why she can't see the beauty shop in her SN to cut her hair! All her adult life she has had a a very short haircut and now it's past her shoulders. I can tell it bothers her. She is declining so much she doesn't even want to read, something she's always enjoyed.
We've got to do something to get our LOs back to some semblance of normal. Why can't social distancing take place and have a musician even come in to play music? And I think the "Essential Caregiver" idea should be implemented.
Hugs to all of you going through this with your LOs.
I am so so sorry about your dad suddenly passing away last month at his ALF. I'm glad you were able to hug your dad. It breaks my heart as I know it has yours that you had to tell your mom through her window. Thankfully, her SNF did bend the rules and brought her outside so you and your dad were able to hug her one last time after not being able to for 7 months.
I feel for your mom - that she is declining as she just sits in her room all day. The lack of activities and not being able to go to the beauty shop is truly a shame. My mom is 95 with Alzheimer's and prior to COVID, I always made sure she had her hair done every other week and colored when it needed it. Now my mom's hair is 3/4 white which was a shock when I saw her. She needs a haircut too - the Activity Director offered but, my mom declined. Also, the director has two rescue dogs and just had a litter of Boston Terrier puppies a couple months ago which she brings to my mom and other residents. My mom used to enjoy reading as well but, doesn't as much anymore.
All I could do is go to Walmart and find a small radio player and had it set to her favorite classical music station. I also bought her a handheld poker game (she's played those for years), got her TV set up and bought some pretty pink artificial flowers. I bring her travel magazines occasionally to look at the pictures.
Just like you, my heart breaks for the families whose loved ones died without any physical touch and basically died alone.
I will be praying for your mom and you - I sure hope something can be done for her to lift her spirit.
God bless you both as you go through the grieving process and a hug to you too!
After a number of weeks with staff testing positive, a number of the residents also started testing positive. We were so sad to hear that three of them ended up dying. Since the SNF was not allowing anyone new to be admitted to the facility, these residents got the virus from staff who were asymptomatic - even when being tested. So far we've been lucky that Mom's wing has been spared.
I really wish I could see Mom more than just at her window but, at the same time, I would never want that in lieu of keeping her safe. A few weeks ago, the facility was declared COVID free and I was fully expecting a notice that I could visit. But, last week another staff person tested positive so it's another 14 days......Sigh....
In hindsight I should her taken her out if I was told the covid 19 infection rate at the time was very high. Which these nursing facility were not truthful about how many patients were infected. After 8000 poor people have died in these homes they are being forced to be transparent on covid 19 positive patients. Take her home for now and get private nursing help from a very good nursing agency.
LO in memory care and was in a good mood. It made my day to see a smile instead of complaints. Only one visitor. Which Is good. masks required and 6 feet apart. Best idea yet
In hindsight I should her taken her out if I was told the covid 19 infection rate at the time was very high. Which these nursing facility were not truthful about how many patients were infected. After 8000 poor people have died in these homes they are being forced to be transparent on covid 19 positive patients. Take her home for now and get private nursing help from a very good nursing agency
Staff and residents continue to test positive, so no more visits.
I used to visit almost every day, feeding her a banana, homemade fruit juice mix and doing her hair, nails, applying good soothing oatmeal/ coconut lotion on skin, making her smile.
It's frustrating and sad. Staff bringing covid into the building, and spreading it.
Another nursing home a few miles away had 2 cases of covid this year, and families have been able to visit loved ones inside. They get activities.
Lets all stay in touch. Not alone in this. I dont know other families with loved ones in the building to chat with..., so I feel alone.
Without a strong, clear cut, well managed top to bottom management system, it appears to me this will co to us to go on and on and on.
Medical experts have told us what we should have done and what we should be doing now. I follow CDC guidelines meticulously.
As of now, where I am, the virus always wins. And people who are unwilling to do what might help, don’t care whether we’re grieving or not.
I am so hoping that you can soon embrace your mom. I pray everyday for those of us living this day to day.
They allow more relaxed visits outside for the regular assisited living/independent living people.
They are still dragging their feet "preparing " for allowing essential caregivers.
Now, I am careful and I realize they cant depend on everyone to do the same. Other family members may have jobs where they are exposed potentially or kids in school. And god knows, I dont want my mom to be patient zero in an outbreak at the facility.
But there is a loophole, if they have an essential appointment you can take them with you. I had needed to get my mom set up with a local PCP and it was time for yearly physical, get prescriptions. So I took her to the doctor. She got her flu shot and did bloodwork. Then, since she missed lunch, we sat together in my car at Sonic and had a hamburger and conversation. All of which they were ok with.
Now this was legit and necessary.
But I wonder how long before people are saying mom has an "appointment " just to have a visit. At least at the facility they'd have more control,; they need to figure it out.
Now, Im extremely happy about this next part. I went to the Director, ready to plead my case to have a small(<10 people), masked, outdoor gathering at the facility for my Mom's 90th birthday later this month. And she said, how about this idea( and my heart sank) " Why dont you just take your Mom to your house for the party? We will just call it "essential " !!!!!!! Just mask/hand sanitize/social dist.
So party is on! I hope my mom has a good day.
Her mental decline over the past year has been striking, as has her balance and now some incontinence issues. So this permisssion is a blessing since Im dont believe it will be able to do for much longer.
In hindsight I should her taken her out if I was told the covid 19 infection rate at the time was very high. Which these nursing facility were not truthful about how many patients were infected. After 8000 poor people have died in these homes they are being forced to be transparent on covid 19 positive patients. Take her home for now and get private nursing help from a very good nursing agency