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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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How long your Mom stays with you is certainly your choice. My Mom has dementia and we never know what she will do or say. Basicaly we have to keep an eye on her 24/7. If you are at the end of your rope, don't feel quilty if you feel you need to place your Mom in a facility for her safety and your sanity. When choosing a facility you may want to get one close to you, so that you can visit often. I know others have indicated that after placing their parents they actually flourished with the activity and companionship of other elders. Just remember that I am sure in the beginning it will be a big adjustment for everyone. Good luck and take a deep breath.
My 83 year old mother has dementia to some degree and getting worse. She hates for me to correct her, so I don't unless is it absolutely necessary. But, to listen to her talk to her doctor or even friends on the phone or those who visit, is a nightmare. She gets so much incorrect. She actually thinks her retina doctor has put a shot in her eye. He did not, but because she has heard her brother talk about the shots he has in his eyes and a lady at the senior center also, she now thinks this retina doctor has put a shot in her eye. I don't correct her, but I do tell the other person she did not have that done!! We do have to watch her more closely because of the dementia because sometimes she thinks she is to take her 24 units of Lantis insulin at night along with her 5 units of Humologue insulin. Lantis in morning only for her. Living with mother is so frustrating. She is confrontational on everything, always complaining about her bad health, and is getting paranoid about her money. We finally hired a sitter for three days while my husband and I went to MD Anderson for his cancer check-up. Mother told me to let her know IF she needed to HELP pay the sitter. Mother doesn't know it but SHE paid the sitter!!! She and my step-dad have saved up a lot of money over their years together for their old age and she doesn't want anyone to have any of it. So, she'll pay for the sitter! She is spending her old age money. God bless us all!!!
And if you decide that placing your mother in a care facility is the best decision, then do not feel guilty. In your heart, you know best. You are wanting to provide the best care your mother can receive while preserving your own health and sanity.
I had to make this decision this past January. My Mom was slowly going downhill for 3 years. She had then lived alone in elderly housing. She had been on her own for 39 years since my Dad passed away at a young age. So Mom was used to being independent. The signs crept up slowly that she had dementia. In January she was hospitalized for pneumonia. Other complications were found as well. I lived 45 minutes from Mom and had to find a way to bring her closer to me. She ended up in a rehab near me only 12 minutes away. Still Mom was showing more signs of dementia on top of her other medical problems. Putting ones parent in a nursing home is a very,very hard decision to make. I had to make that one and Mom is now in permanent care in the same place she was rehabbed. I knew in my heart I couldn't take care of her 24/7 and couldn't afford home care. I also have the power of attorney which is very important as folks will tell you! One thing I will tell you visit as often as you can and keep on top of things. You need to be a advocate for your parent. I usually drop in different days so the folks there never know which day. Even the best of places can be lax at times. Good luck! BtW my Mom will be 88 this December.
I'll ignore N1's comments and try to answer your question. The answer is as long as you can remain sane, healthy and fulfilled. The question of when to say I've done all I can and it is time that she goes to a dementia care facility or skilled nursing facility is a difficult one. However if you can see yourself declining that means your ability to be a caregiver is also declining. Hence, the decision to move her to a DCF or SNF is prorbaby what's best for all .Try to remain guilt free, visit as often as you are able. Do a thorough job of researching the facilities, there is a great discrepancy in care (from great to abusive/illegal). Good luck and God bless.
That all depends on how much your family can handle, how much skill she needs now to take care of her,,,,,,,,,,, I would take her to the doctor explain whats been going on, and see maybe she might be ready or willing to go to long term skilled care or assisted living, just a suggestion, especially if you feel like you dont have a life anymore!! You are important too!
Has your family already reached the limit of what they can handle?
1. How is your own physical, emotional, and social health?
2. How healthy is your spouse?
3. How healthy is your marriage?
4. How healthy are your teenagers? Are they needing mom and dad more or just less drama with grandpa and grandma in the house?
5. What have your friends and anyone else said about how they perceive you, your spouse and your teenagers are doing? If no one has said anything, they might be hesitant, so ask those whose opinions you are the most open to hearing from.
I wish you well with all this. It is not easy, but none of this is. I do hope you have already gotten both durable and medical POA for your parents.
So my husbands mom: dementia also. At first she was okay, then she would start saying she wanted to kill him. 2 minutes later she denied it. she would say she hated it at his home, yet SHE was the one that called him 4 times a day to ask for him to take her in.
After 3 PSW's (who stole, lied, wouldn't show up), then 3 care facilities we FINALLY found one in Missouri that actually cares and specializes in dementia patients. Did you know, most facilities, the expensive one's, have a set of bed's that are $1,000 per month??? yep. I have to ask hubby what site he looked on. They release X-amount per month. This facility has nurses that specialize in dementia care (separate ward). It was so hard for him to put her there. I hate saying 'put' ... I mean wow. she lived a fab-life and then she gets this terrible disease.
Everyday my husband hates himself taking her there. He tried at home. but just couldn't do it. He wishes he could just 'talk' to her about it, but cant cause she is in the high stages of dementia. She is on/off everyday. But let me tell you this? YOU have to take care of YOU. OR you will go bonkers.
I am so touched by comments by the care-giver victims of this horrible disease. Everyone impacted by this disease is a victim and we all feel that we surely could have done better to fix the loss of our friend or relative. I am relatively new to the disease (at least 10 years) & i know how hard it is to be a bystander -- i keep on trying to reason with my beloved . I laugh at myself when I talk politics with my dear guy. Of course, he never remembers the topic. On the other hand, he never remembers my mistakes, either. I am so lonely. Thank god for my cat.
Anything I receive from other care-givers would be a balm to my spirit. No one outside this special group understands the wrenching of the heart in finding that this person, on whom one has so relied, is no longer a support, but has, instead, become a stranger. ..And then, we are alone. It's almost amusing to find we have been demoted to the changer of diapers and the counter of pills; we, who were the life partners, who thought through the decisions -- should we invest here, should we pay for special ed? Now we are deciding, should we look for flea markets, should we sell the house? Who cares? Who is 'we'? Talk to me.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The question of when to say I've done all I can and it is time that she goes to a dementia care facility or skilled nursing facility is a difficult one. However if you can see yourself declining that means your ability to be a caregiver is also declining. Hence, the decision to move her to a DCF or SNF is prorbaby what's best for all .Try to remain guilt free, visit as often as you are able. Do a thorough job of researching the facilities, there is a great discrepancy in care (from great to abusive/illegal). Good luck and God bless.
1. How is your own physical, emotional, and social health?
2. How healthy is your spouse?
3. How healthy is your marriage?
4. How healthy are your teenagers? Are they needing mom and dad more or just less drama with grandpa and grandma in the house?
5. What have your friends and anyone else said about how they perceive you, your spouse and your teenagers are doing? If no one has said anything, they might be hesitant, so ask those whose opinions you are the most open to hearing from.
I wish you well with all this. It is not easy, but none of this is. I do hope you have already gotten both durable and medical POA for your parents.
After 3 PSW's (who stole, lied, wouldn't show up), then 3 care facilities we FINALLY found one in Missouri that actually cares and specializes in dementia patients.
Did you know, most facilities, the expensive one's, have a set of bed's that are $1,000 per month??? yep. I have to ask hubby what site he looked on. They release X-amount per month. This facility has nurses that specialize in dementia care (separate ward).
It was so hard for him to put her there. I hate saying 'put' ... I mean wow. she lived a fab-life and then she gets this terrible disease.
Everyday my husband hates himself taking her there. He tried at home. but just couldn't do it. He wishes he could just 'talk' to her about it, but cant cause she is in the high stages of dementia. She is on/off everyday. But let me tell you this? YOU have to take care of YOU. OR you will go bonkers.
I laugh at myself when I talk politics with my dear guy. Of course, he never remembers the topic. On the other hand, he never remembers my mistakes, either.
I am so lonely. Thank god for my cat.
..And then, we are alone.
It's almost amusing to find we have been demoted to the changer of diapers and the counter of pills; we, who were the life partners, who thought through the decisions -- should we invest here, should we pay for special ed?
Now we are deciding, should we look for flea markets, should we sell the house? Who cares? Who is 'we'?
Talk to me.
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