I’m taking care of spouse, post-op,video-assisted thoracoscopic (VATS) surgery, lobectomy for lung cancer, GI hemorrhages post op, now allergic reaction to Tramadol last evening. He was discharged after the first surgery with Oxycodone for pain control. Developed ileus, had to go to ER to enable the constipation to be medically resolved. Next day, collapsed at home, shock, black stool, vomiting massive amounts of blood. Emergency repair one week to the day after the VATS. He was discharged with hydrocodone with Tylenol for pain control, or Tramadol, if not needing quite as much pain relief. He refuses to take the hydrocodone/Tylenol for fear of another ileus. So he started the Tramadol, which gave good pain relief when the Home Health nurse insisted he take the pain medicine. She came Monday to assess. Last evening, he’s itching furiously, swollen arms, hands, legs, feet. I removed the Tramadol, gave him Benadryl to treat the allergic reaction. No airway swelling complaints. He got up about 4:00 AM, took Tylenol for the pain. It’s not cutting the pain at all. Which brings me to the next problem. The man is verbally abusive. He abused me horribly on three occasions when I was so sick, I required hospitalization for diverticulitis. I am refusing to be abused by this man. We are both senior citizens, both early diabetic, both having ambulatory and pain issues, both use cane to walk. I am on oxygen for lung disease. He smoked himself into emphysema. We don’t have funds for an aide to come in. Trying the home health route, to get him stronger.
So just how much abuse must I take? I have started telling him he’s getting a one hour time out, and I remove myself from his tirades. When he settles down, I will assist again. How on earth am I supposed to be a caregiver, sick myself, and be abused on top of it? If he could just get some pain control, it would be manageable. This is not manageable.
I am now able to catch up on my own healthcare needs, somewhat. Mammogram finally, recalled for ultrasound to check out a lump. Was merely fluid filled cyst, I get them, but it’s always got to be checked out when a new one appears, in case it’s ‘the one’. Creates anxiety, but no reason to lash out about it. You just make the appointments and roll with it. Today I had my diabetic eye exam, have some inflammation in one eye. $50 prescription sitting at the pharmacy waiting for pickup. Probably will get it in the AM, as I don’t venture out alone after dark. Too much crime, especially targeting elderly women and disabled persons. Gradually getting my little medical issues ticked off the calendar.
Anyhow, it’s some progress. Not really self care, except that it all had to be delayed in the midst of cancer surgery, GI bleed, and hubs many complications. We’ve had so much, and only moved here last May. I’m not totally unpacked yet. But you’ll have that when the family workhorse ends up hospitalized in the middle of moving to a different state.
And like Mally had said, set boundary time. Tell hubby you will check on him at 3pm to see if he needs anything, then you will check back at 5pm. Don't call for me unless your bedroom is on fire.
Some people just aren't user friendly when they are dealing with their own health issues. It is something they cannot fix on their own, and they are frustrated, so they take it out on the closest person. Is is fair to you? Of course, not.
I also got verbally abused back when I had a very serious illness. Like, who treats a person that way? Having me crying all the time is suppose to help??? Turns out sig other was afraid that he was going to loose me like he lost his late wife. That was suppose to make ME feel better? NOT. Next time I plan to hire a caregiver to help me, or a caregiver to help him if he is the patient. Let them deal with him.
I’m convinced we have to find the strength within ourselves to tolerate all this. I can’t tell you how many times I have just wanted to pound my head against the wall. My husband has many medical issues as well. I know what you’re going through. Right now, he’s “napping”. It’s 7PM and I haven’t made dinner yet. He will wake up at 9 or 10 and expect me to make dinner because he’s now ready to eat and the king must be served. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and have someone serve me. 😡
anyhow, as Oxy and Hydro are morphine derivatives, and as he had a second, emergency surgery for the GI bleed, right after being released after the VATS lobectomy, I think the buildup of morphine post op, plus the strong Oxy and Hydro, were the cause of the allergic reaction. The second round of prednisone pack, this time seems to be kicking the allergic reaction. He is taking Tylenol for pain now, and cut back on the Benadryl for the itching. Seems to be reducing the anxiety, which reduces the verbal attacks. It’s just bloody awful, as his health is precarious, and this abuse keeps tearing its ugly head. I went across the street to chat with the neighbor a bit yesterday, just to get away from his tirades. Honestly, the anxiety, refusal of any social activities, not allowed to invite anybody into the house, very isolating, form of abuse. Really don’t like the man I’m taking care of, much of the time, to be honest.
Once he is hospitalized you must make it VERY clear from the start that you can not SAFELY care for him. If you do not take him home I can tell you now they will not call him a cab and send him home.
And this also goes for you if you are hospitalized tell them that you can not be SAFELY cared for at home. I also bet they will not call a cab and send you home. (does anyone call a cab anymore?)
You could also back this up...the next time he becomes abusive...and I do hope that you are talking just verbal abuse call 911 or whatever emergency service you have. If this is physical abuse PLEASE file reports the next time he even lifts a finger or raises his voice in a threatening manner. Leave the room and call 911. Lock yourself into a bedroom, bathroom, go to a neighbors anything to get out of the house.
His prognosis was good, after hospital discharge. Lung cancer was removed, one lobe of the lung. No cancer in lymph nodes.
Hubs apparently can not tolerate the pain meds prescribed, due to allergic reactions. Not even Tylenol. He is taking a brief course of steroids for the swelling/itching caused by the Tylenol, after allergic reactions to both Oxycodone and Hydrocodone. I am giving him Benadryl as well as the steroid for itching, which thankfully, makes him sleepy. So he can sleep at night. Unfortunately, I can’t make him take Benadryl around the clock, due to him refusing it. I have put a spray bottle of Biofreeze on the table next to where he likes to lay and watch TV, to help with itching. He even demands I stop what I’m doing, to spray it on him. There is nothing wrong with his arms and hands, nor with his legs and feet.
I’ve started talking up the very real risk of pneumonia, if he continues on the no-activity path. He still demands my service whenever he sees me sit down, or walk into the room. Our home is small, no family room, nowhere to go to get away from his incessant demands. Home health nurse stressed to him he has to get out of bed and move, or he will not only not get better, he will actually become weaker. But he doesn’t listen to anybody, as in his view, he is the only person who is right.
You now need to talk to the Home Health Nurse and tell her you no longer can do it. Husband needs more care than you can physically give. If she doesn't help, call ur Doctor. If he is hospitalized again, don't allow him to be discharged home.
His behaviour is appalling, there is no reason why you more than anyone else should be prepared to tolerate it, but given the pain and how ill he must be feeling at least you know where his anger is coming from. Once the pain is under control he owes you a very large apology.
Two questions: was rehab never a possibility? And, what's his prognosis?