I am caregiver to my disabled mother and am having a big problem with the home care workers attitude and work ethic.
They don’t care, really I don’t think they are even really paying attention.
However, they think they are AMAZING caregivers.
I feel I am at their mercy because I need someone to be with mom because I can’t be there all the time.
They call out last minute. For example, my mom has a terrible abscess/infection on her gums and is in pain, can barely eat. Caregiver is supposed to take her to oral surgeon consult tomorrow. She just called out because she said her cousin died in a drunk driver car crash. Ok. Last Tuesday she called out because she was in a car accident. In the same message she said she has to take off Thursday as well because her mom has an eye doctor appointment. What?
Also, when she was here today she didn’t take the trash out or fill mom’s water etc. They just breeze in and out at their leisure.
I am trying to be calm and patient, but I feel like I am being taken for a ride with these people. The other caregiver who was told in the interview that driving to doctor appointments /errand was a big part of the job and assured me it would be no problem at all. Now complains constantly to my mom whenever she needs to go somewhere, but she doesn’t directly say no. She’ll say, ‘oh how far away is it, oh that’s so far, are you sure you really need to go there today? Maybe the other caregiver can take you, gas is so expensive’ and it goes on and on with these kind of complaints about the wheelchair hurts her arms/back etc etc.
This isn’t just a few bad apples either, I have noticed this for years now where I am really starting to believe these caregivers only want to sit on the sofa/text and watch TV all day.
They will say anything in the interview and it means absolutely nothing. Last week when I reminded her that she agreed that driving wouldn’t be an issue in the interview and that she said she liked going out and didn’t want to be cooped up in the house etc she looked so surprised I remembered that. Also, she gets mileage reimbursement and paid holidays/sick days as well as extra hours. I told her I try my best to compensate her for the work etc.
Doesn’t even day thank-you, ever.
I am trying to finish my degree and was really counting on these two for this semester. They committed several times in June, July and August that they would be here for the fall semester(aug 25-dec 14)
Now they are both quitting?! I have my own perspective is that neither of them actually need to work. Their husbands or parents are fully taking care of them so being a caregiver is like an extra cash for them and they treat it like a retail job at the mall. Have absolutely no idea how much their behavior/games puts our household in chaos. I am tired of this and I’m tired of people telling me to keep looking until I find the ‘one’. Like their is some magical unicorn caregiver out there who is going take the job seriously. For awhile I thought it was me and blamed myself that maybe I said something/did something that turned them off etc. but no they are really happy as long as you don’t ask them to actually do anything or bring attention to something that want done. For example, I came home one day last week and all mom had eaten was a yogurt. I asked her if the caregiver tried to give her lunch/meals and she said no, but the caregiver brought her own lunch from home and fed herself.
We used to use an agency and the first day one girl came I asked her why she wanted to be a caregiver, she said ‘because it’s easy’
There is so much more, I’m sorry this became a vent/rant. I’m sorry for the bad grammar too.
I am just so discouraged and sad that I have yet again start the hire/interview process when I have zero confidence that I can rely on anyone. How do you cope with not being able to rely on the people your paying to help you?!
Another thing I learned is my family and I have spoiled my mother. I do not realistically expect a caregiver to provide the same level of comfort to my mom as we would a family member. For example my mother only wants me or certain family members to clean her dentures or cook meals for her. I am satisfied as long as moms basic needs are met and she is safe. If I provide the food the caregiver is expected to at least warm it up and feed my mom. So there are certain things you may need to adjust to make it easier for you and the caregivers. Certain expectations you may need to relinquish (like the caregiver taking her to appointments). Agencies even charge more for this kind of service. Just some food for thought. I pray that you find a caregiver(s) that will work for you and your mom.
Often caregivers are not well educated. This is not a judgment, it is a fact.
Many do not speak English as a first language and there are communication challenges (understanding what they are expected to do, the elder not able to understand them due to hearing loss or strong accents).
Elders who are vulnerable and/or in stage(s) of dementia add to the challenges. My friend continually changes his mind about caregivers and will sign time sheets no matter what hours are listed (no matter what I say - )
You might want to consider looking at college students who major in nursing, social worker, geriatrics. They may need flexible schedules and are serious about their education which hopefully reflects dependability.
* I do like the idea of hiring older women. The extra money with ability to set their own hours is often appealing, and needed income.
* Making surprise visits or having a friend or other family member do that is a good idea to me.
* I would have a check off list - DAILY - and go over with the care provider initially and/or a few times to see what is getting done, how long things are taking, etc.
- by having a list makes it very clear (written vs verbal) what is required.
* Referrals are good but not always available.
* Do ask for references.
Have potential care providers:
* I had to get fingerprinted / criminal check (at my own expense) to work in an elder residential development although I am 'direct hire' with the residents.
* I had to provide proof of car insurance.
* Ask for references of prior clients. If they do not have any, find someone else (except perhaps students). You can still get character references.
* Do not leave any valuables around.
* I do not get any insurance / worker's comp. If I get insured on the job as an ind contractor, I am on my own. Caregivers hired through an agency may make less $ although they may (or may not) be covered in case of injury on the job. You would have to double check.
* * *
As I posted to another, I was, at least in retrospect, glad that mom refused to let the aides in after a few months - we were only at 1 hour on weekdays through an agency at that point and planned to increase as she needed it, but she wouldn't let them in. Saved me the headache of finding competent help (one was industrious and was likely a keeper, the others I think were just taking up oxygen most of the time.) No way I could take on the care and she refused offers to go live with brothers (thankful for that too! it would have been a huge mistake!)
I just know, I will never give up which gives me strength to do what is right for my mom. I use this forum for idea's , help as well.
It is difficult to find one who has the "HEART" - - one you can trust as well. I would love to have my mom at her home, and have someone who I could trust and take care of her properly. It just seems to be all trial and error. Its frustrating and stressful. Sorry to be negative, but I'm a realist and I feel your pain..
* have a list of 'TO DO's' when a client (your family member) is sleeping and/or not needing immediate care.
* Go over this list with caregiver.
* Check in w/the careg regularly to see how things are going and what they are getting done.
* FYI:
- When I was working with a client for 6-8 hours a day, I had lots of free time due to client (in decline and) sleeping more. I would do what was needed and be available / 'on call' should she need assistance. These pockets or blocks of time with 'nothing to do' is is not unusual.
- I believe the difference s how responsible a caregv is and getting needs met when needed. There is a major difference between sitting and watching TV when a caregiver can be doing something needed / helpful vs doing what is needed and being available when client / your family member requires help.
i know we had one that took care of my father and she was an absolute angel!
good luck
What I am hearing from all the responses is: there is no cut and dried answer to this ongoing problem. It, in fact is, hit and miss. From my experience, it helps to have a reliable referring person. That, at least, is a good start. We have had agency help and private sector help. There are good and not so good in both areas. The agency is NOT helpful in subbing for sick workers or travelling workers. Just this morning, we had to do without help because someone called off and there was NO sub. I agree with those who have said to make it a priority to have subs in place. The private girls, we have, do have a network of other private homecare people, who can sub for them. I like that. Especially, in the winter, when weather is a factor, and calling off is common here. Ask around for private people, who work in groups. There are many of those around. Once you ask, it is amazing what you can find out. Go on social media and ask your friends to look around for you also. If I were younger, I would like to look in to a placement agency for homecare. They are so badly needed, especially since many more folks want to age in place. Good luck with your dilemma and May God bless all your efforts and guide you to some helpful answers. carine4ster
Best of Luck!
It does take some time to make a schedule a week ahead and call each lady to confirm shifts. It doesn't take much time to go online payroll site and enter their hours each week so they get paid. I have a liability insurance policy just in case they get injured in my home. It's worth it to me over using an agency because (a) they are MUCH more dependable, (b) better level of care, (c) someone Mom knows is showing up to provide care, and (d) less stress for me over the problems experienced with an agency. Women who have raised a family don't complain about assisting Mom when a wet incontinence panty needs changing; they understood what they were getting into when they saw the list of duties. Often when one lady needs to change a shift, she talks with the others and just tells me about a shift swap.
We have two shifts of reliable, private caregivers for my FIL. We got the second shift based on recommendations from the first shift. Good caregivers have their own networks. When they go on vacation or need time off, they come to us with a backup to cover their shifts.
I think I have read through all the replies, but in case I missed it, in what kind of area do you live? Is it rural, urban? What part of the country? This does seem like horrible bad luck with caregivers. I know that you said that you had tried using an agency, but had issues with them too. As one poster suggested, please try another.
We used Home Instead for over 15 years, but other people I know have used other agencies with good results also.
The people hired by the agency were already vetted and trained. They had to check in by phone when they got to the residence and check out when they left. There was constant oversight from the agency and we were always contacted if the regular caregiver was being replaced for the day. There were a few snafus over the years, but that would happen in any business.
In all those years, I remember only a few instances in which we weren’t satisfied with the caregivers sent out. We had a typed list of things we expected the caregiver to do and it was rare when those tasks weren’t fulfilled. This involved taking my parents to doctor appointments if we couldn’t do it, light housekeeping, bathing, preparing meals, and just visiting with them.
The majority of the caregivers were sweet, hard-working people who were eager to please. Several of them stayed with us for years and have even visited my parents in the nursing home where they live now. We also had four hours a week given free through some governmental agency for the Aged. These caregivers were not as trained and consistent as the ones from the agency, but were still pretty good.
The only extra thing we did for them was to give a nice, fat Christmas bonus because we were truly grateful for what they did. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to advertise, vet, train caregivers. and try to placate them so they would stay. Give yourself a break by going with an agency. Yes, it will be more expensive, and you may have to cut down on the hours to be able to afford them, but the quality of caregivers will be much better, and your stress level will be greatly diminished. You will not be paying for sick/vacation leave, so you might even come out ahead. If one agency doesn’t work out, try another. If possible, take that burden off your back.
I hope you find a great caregiver soon.