Basically I am just tired of caring for her. I am so tired of not having a life. I have a brother and sister who refuse to do anything. How can I get some help ? I have been doing this for over five years. I have tried everything I can think of to get a break. My mother is not able to do anything for herself. I can not even put her in a NH being as how she was denied medicaid because she would go to the bank and take out thousands of dollars to give to her relatives. I finally put a stop to her being scammed out of her life savings. Now I am left to pay all the bills. Once her family got all her money not one of them will even answer the phone. Mom was in a NH until her checks bounced and out the door she went. Mom moved in wife and kids moved out. How can I get this straightened out ?
Are you in the US? Do you have a place you can go to? You are not responsible for your mother's bills, and you are not obligated to care for her. Call Adult Protection Services and explain that you are resigning from the care of your mother. You want to see her protected, but you cannot continue to do it all.
If she has more than $2000., you can put her in a facility and "pay down" her money, then, when it's $2000. or less, she'll qualify.
The board and care facilities are the cheapest (in So. Calif. about $3500./mo. and up, depending on the level of care.)
A drastic move would be to drop her off at your local ER (with a fictitious or real ongoing illness), then tell them, due to your own physical problems (make up something if you don't already have a problem-back pain works), and you are no longer able to take care of her. Let them know she has other children. Do NOT take her back with you. There is a social worker in every hospital and they are used to having emergency placement. She may be charged for the NH placement if she still has $.
If you can afford it a visit to an eldercare lawyer would be appropriate to see if there is any way of getting that money back. I would think that if it went into something substantial like a house or car the recipient could be made to sell and hand over the cash.
I think I would also approach medicaid and see if they have any bright ideas about how to get round this.
As Glad says stop paying Mom's bills, they are not your responsibility. If she still owns a house sell it immediately. It would be abusive to put her out on the streets you need to keep her safe and feed her but don't pay things like medical bills etc.
Find an excuse to take her to the ER . It sounds as though she has some pre existing conditions that would have to be investigated. Slip quietly out the door and when they come calling tell them you are not taking her back. They will give you a hard time and may be quite nasty but keep your doors locked and stand firm.
Before you do any of this contact APS and see if they have any helpful suggestions Don't tell any one about taking her to the ER just do it.
As you know you are between a rock and a hard placebut i am sure there is a way out. At the very least Medicare can put a lien on any property the cash recipients have and they won't like that because it can't be sold with a lien on it. Legal advice first even if you have to do it through Legal Aid.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/get-mom-on-medicaid-429647.htm
What happened to the farm and her house?
Could you call Adult Protective Services and tell them you fear her behavior?
There must be a way to have her taken care of by an institution.
Consult an elder law attorney.