I have durable power of attorney and iam the executor of my mother's will my brother hasn't seen or talked to my parents for twenty seven years just moved away and that was that. I have been talking care of my parents for over twenty years after many illnesses. There probably won't be any of there money left after my mother's death because of the cost of the care that she's getting now and of my dad's care at the end of his life. Everything according to there will goes to me house and everything else except for half of there money which won't be much .Do I have to give him money even though he has done nothing and left me with everything. Just doesn't seem fair if I do what do you all think
Nothing in my sad situation or yours, is based on “fairness”. It is TOTALLY based on LAW.
If managing and providing your LO’s care has overwhelmed you and depleted your personal physical and emotional resources you may legally say “I cannot do this any more”, and pay for help to provide her care, or if your mother’s status warrants, residential placement, but HER debts must be paid for from HER resources, and that means that if HER house is in HER name ONLY, and her cash resources are spent for her care, the house will need to be sold to pay for her needs when her money is gone.
The TWO SAVING GRACES in my personal situation were that in spite of her terrible treatment of me, I loved her dearly and had fond memories of HER KINDNESS and COMPASSION before she’d begun to suffer the symptoms of dementia, and also, the fact that by the time she’d begun to fail, both of her responsible parties KNEW without question, that she could NOT live in the only home she’d ever known, because of safe inaccessibility of the only bathroom in the house.
What I think or you think has nothing to do with the law. It will only hurt you more if you continue to focus on fair/unfair.
Focus instead on how you can lighten YOUR burden right now. Hire help, find a beautiful nearby residence, whatever it takes.
YOU need help and consolation. Focus some attention right now on what you need to be more comfortable and peaceful, and aim for that.
YOU are worth it.
Perhaps you can console yourself that there won't be much.
The time to address this is before mom dies and if she wishes she can change the will ONLY IF SHE IS COGNIZANT.
"You" are not giving him half the money your parents are, you are carrying out their wishes, those instructions left in the Will.
I would be more concerned about the house and how it is passed to you. I hope that an Elder Law Attorney or one that is well versed in Family / Estate law has set this up. If not I would pay a visit to one to be sure that there are no problems or financial aspects that you have to worry about.
Too many people think they are owed or entitled to more of an inheritance because they provided care. That is never the case as you must legally do whatever the will states. Too many people also don't get pay when they provide care, which is why they think they are entitled to more.
Speak with an elder law attorney about how inheriting the house may be effected it they need Medicaid or MediCal for their care. Laws vary by state.
And also keep in mind if the house is sold before they pass this does increase cash available for their care, and still half brother's should they pass before all the money is spent.
And MediCal, if needed, will place a lien on the house that will be paid on sale.
Wills are written all the time that families don’t think are fair for one reason or another .
Have you prepaid for your mothers funeral with her money ? Also any of her remaining bills for her care will need to be paid after her death . Some states charge inheritance tax . But that may not apply if it’s a small amount of money left. When the estate is settled , and bills all paid your brother will get 1/2 of the money that is left . Like you said there may not be any left anyway .
Note that some assets don’t pass through a will:
Joint accounts generally pass to co-owners.
Accounts with specified pay on death beneficiaries pass to those beneficiaries.
Items owned through a trust pass as directed in the trust.
So it can be a problem paying someone’s final expenses if there isn’t any money for the executor to work with. You have to understand whether the person would want to cheat their creditors, and what legal rights the creditors have. Watch out for Medicaid or other liens on property that is in their name(s).
Gifting time and money to your parents doesn’t make it OK to steal it back from your brother. Once you give it away, it isn’t yours anymore. If you think you might be conflicted, it would be better to stop paying any of their expenses from your own money, pay yourself or substitute paid assistance or convenience products where possible, and use the parent’s money to prepay final expenses until there is little or none left to be an issue.
I wish you well in honorably navigating through “fair” and “legal.”
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